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Stay-At-Home Stepdad Claps Back After His Wife’s Ex-Husband Calls Him His Daughter’s ‘Nanny’

Dad with young girl
MoMo Productions/Getty Images

You’d think we’d progressed past the point of anyone mocking stay-at-home dads.

But sadly, we haven’t.

Redditor gregsol is one such SAH dad and his choice to take care of his kids and step-daughter full-time has caused his wife’s ex to call him a nanny.

This insult caused the Original Poster (OP) to turn to subReddit “Am I the A**hole?” (AITA).

He asked:

“AITA for correcting my step-daughter’s dad when he called me her nanny?”

He went on to explain.

“I’ve been with my wife for 8 years now. She has primary custody of her daughter, Santana (9). Santana sees her dad, Mark every other weekend and some holidays.”

“As I’ve been one of Santana’s primary caretakers for the past 7 years (since I moved in with her mom), I’ve taken care of her more than Mark has and we are quite close.”

“My wife and I went onto have 2 children together, who are now 5 years and 18 months. I’ve been a stay-at-home dad since the 5-year-old was born.”

“As a result, I’m the one making lunches, driving kids to activities, etc. That includes Santana.”

“Mark has always felt insecure about my place in Santana’s life.”

“I’ve always encouraged her relationship with her dad while also being a place she can go to in order to vent about both her parents.”

“I’ve never asked her to call me dad, but I’ve made it clear I love her the same as her siblings. And she’s also said she loves me and considers me her second dad.”

“Mark also mocks me for my SAHD role. My wife always shuts him down, and I just ignore him.”

“He has in the past jokingly called me Santana’s nanny, and I just roll my eyes and say ‘Whatever you think, Mark’.”

“I really don’t see him much as my wife will take Santana to her dad’s and pick her up.”

“However, yesterday, my wife was sick and asked me to pick up Santana. She really couldn’t get out of bed, and I knew Mark wasn’t going to drive out to us (he’s refused in the past).”

“So, I went over to his place to pick her up.”

“He was throwing a BBQ and had some family there. I had never met any of them. Santana ran into my arms, excited to see me and shouting my name.”

“A few people looked at Mark curiously. He laughed and said, ‘That’s Santana’s nanny’. I shook my head and said, ‘I’m her step-father, Greg. Nice to meet you all.’”

“Mark turned red and barely said goodbye to Santana. I didn’t think much of it outside Mark just being Mark.”

“However, Mark texted my wife later saying I ‘humiliated him,’ and given I’d likely never see those people again, I shouldn’t have said anything.”

“My wife told him he’s overreacting, and he then texted me, saying I had no right to correct him in his own home. He asked what was the big deal in his family thinking I’m her nanny?”


Redditors weighed in by declaring:

    • NTA – Not The A**hole
    • YTA – You’re The A**hole
    • NAH – No A**holes Here
    • ESH – Everyone Sucks Here

Redditors decided:

“NTA but man Mark must be feeling really insecure about himself, that’s for sure.”

“You’re doing great, Greg. Santana is lucky to have you.” – CompleteSavant878

“What? No! NTA. And you certainly didn’t humiliate anyone.”

“>He asked what was the big deal in his family thinking I’m her nanny?”

“Did you respond ‘because it’s not the truth’?” – SrslyPissedOff

“NTA, and not just for what you said. He has probably told everyone there at some point a story about his ex and partner.”

“You turn up, nice and pleasant, his daughter clearly adores you, and l can see people putting together the puzzle and coming up with a different picture.”

“And he was caught in his own bullsh*t. – Senior_Sentence6230

“NTA – If Santana witnessed this, you should tell her that you love her and you love your role as her stepfather.”

“Let her know that Mark’s comments about you being the ‘nanny’ upset you because you are a much more important person in her life than a nanny would be.”

“Make sure Santana knows that you care about her and that her father’s comments are hurtful for that reason.” – LotsofCatsFI

“NTA. In his attempt to humiliate you, he humiliated himself. They call this “just deserts”.”

“Clearly he’s a deeply insecure person who is likely jealous of your involvement with Santana.”

“You handled it perfectly, calling him out factually in front of everyone. My guess is he will now stop calling you names…unless of course he wants you to teach him another lesson.” – IamIrene

“Lol, you’re so NTA.”

“If you just dryly said “I’m her step-father, Greg. Nice to meet you all,” that’s a great sick burn and the classy way to handle it. He was humiliated because he humiliated himself.”

“If he has a personal stake in making his family believe you’re the nanny, it seems like he’s been telling lies to his family about who you are and that he is playing a lot bigger role in Santana’s life than he actually is.”

“That’s not your job to get in the middle of that drama, but you don’t have to let him lie about you in public to your face without correcting him.”

“I think you said the right thing. There’s no need to let him save face and participate in his lies.” – beanfiddler


“The big deal is that you’re not her nanny. He was embarrassed because his daughter was so excited to see you, in front of his family, so he tried to minimise your importance.”

“When you corrected him, he was exposed as an insecure liar. His family knows how often he sees his daughter.”

“They also now have proof of her affection towards you, the man who lives with her and raises her. He humiliated himself.” – Cursd818

“Well played. and good for you for standing up for yourself. Him calling you nanny in front of his family was both an insult and a power play.”

“You correcting him in front of his family not only pulled the rug out from under him, it demonstrated to his family and friends how much of a jerk he is.”

“Always be civil to the step-parents/parents in front of the kids. Always. That’s basic expectations. NTA” – KronkLaSworda

“NTA. You’re one of the good ones, and Mark should be d*mn thankful for that.”

“You have earned your place in your stepdaughter’s life, and bio dad doesn’t get to take that away. It’s more jealousy than anything.”

“Just continue what you’re doing. Santana will know who was there and made the effort and who didn’t.”

“Mark needs to cut you some slack considering you are doing what he is unable to do.” – ToxicChildhood

“NTA – but has Santana heard him call you that before?”

“Nannies are parentalish figures who might suddenly leave for a variety of (valid) reasons beyond a 9-year-old’s understanding.”

“And they are being paid to spend time with a kid and show enthusiasm towards them before they go back to their own life.”

“There are so many potential implications in calling you her Nanny when you are a SAHD.”

“Whether he’s aware of them is a different matter, but try to find out if he’s referring to you as a Nanny when it’s just him and Santana.”

“You are not a temporary caretaker of any kind.” – Zestyclose_Foot_134

“He humiliated himself and rightly so. Keep up the good work.”

“Not only are you raising her with love but you don’t waver due to her biological father being a complete prick. Bravo.” – basiclyn

“NTA, Mark should consider himself lucky to have a step-father like you in his daughter’s life, sounds like he’s salty because he tried to humiliate you in front of his family.”

“Good for you for standing your ground” – AlarmedAlternative90

“‘he then texted me, saying I had no right to correct him in his own home’”

“Similar to the way he’s had no right to mislabel your role for the past x number of years?”

“‘He asked what was the big deal in his family thinking I’m her nanny?’”

“What’s the big deal if his family knows you’re her stepfather?”

“Mark just played the FAFO game and lost. Gosh, I can’t imagine why your wife divorced this small, petty, insecure man. NTA” – superflex

“NTA, and it is a big deal because he is belittling not only you but his daughter by reducing your relationship to that of an employee.”

“If he doesn’t want to be “humiliated” he shouldn’t say stupid and untrue things.”

“You did nothing wrong. Keep being that awesome bonus Dad to Santana, and Mark can go pound sand.” – queltheicequeen

“NTA. And I call foul on OP never seeing his stepdaughter’s paternal family again.”

“What about her graduations or wedding or other big life event? Isn’t it possible her paternal family would attend those?”

“What would Mark say then? That the ex married the nanny???” – One_Ad_704

At least there’s one adult father in Santana’s life.

We applaud the OP for standing up for himself and his relationship with Santana.

Written by B. Miller

B. is a creative multihyphenate who enjoys the power and versatility of the written word. She enjoys hiking, great food and drinks, traveling, and vulnerable conversation. Raised below the Mason Dixon, thriving above it. (she/her)