Some moments only come around once.
The first steps, the first breath, the first dance.
These moments are beyond special and deserve to be focused on.
What happens, though, when someone tries to take the focus off the special moment you’ve worked so hard for?
This was the problem facing Redditor and Original Poster (OP) ThisRequirement9121 when she came to the “Am I the A**hole” (AITA) subReddit for some outside opinions.
“AITA for planning on not going to my mom’s wedding?”
She began with the background.
“I know the title sounds bad but hear me out.”
“I, (Female 22,) am graduating college this year.”
“I have been waiting for this day for years and something I really want to be perfect especially because the pandemic took away part of my college experience.”
“My mom, F 59, got engaged recently.”
“I have no problem with who she is engaged with and I actually have a good relationship with him. My problem is that she wants to get married the same weekend as my graduation.”
She even explained the importance of this moment to her.
“This has been my goal that has been getting me through the pandemic and zoom University.”
“They are actually having it in person this year.”
“I can walk and be a part of the ceremony so this is very important to me and is the only college graduation I will have.”
Then OP explained the problem.
“My mother has been married 2 times previously and now wants to have her third wedding the same weekend because ‘everyone will be together already, might as well have it then’.”
“I get what she is saying but this is my one moment and I don’t want to share.”
“Now here is the kicker, she hasn’t even asked me yet.”
“She has been talking to the rest of my family behind my back and talking about it to them and trying to make it a permanent date.”
“The one person who has talk about the situation and warned me is my sister.”
“My sister, F 24, is on my side and has expressed how important this day is to me and stated she would not go to my mom’s wedding if it will be the weekend of my graduation.”
“I appreciate the support from my sister and when my mom finally tells me about the date, I will express that I will not go.”
“I will go to a wedding any other day, but this is the one weekend that I will not attend.”
“This will be her third wedding but I will only have this one college graduation.”
“I am usually accommodating and willing to share but this will be the one time I will be selfish.”
OP was left to wonder.
Having explained the situation, she turned to Reddit for some outside opinions.
Redditors weighed in by declaring:
- NTA – Not The A**hole
- YTA – You’re The A**hole
- NAH – No A**holes Here
- ESH – Everyone Sucks Here
Redditors decided: NTA
Some suspected ulterior motives.
“Seems to me your mother is jealous of your achievement – did she not graduate herself?”
“Whatever her reasons, it’s an AH move to plan her wedding on the same date as your graduation, more so if she’s doing it behind your back.”
“Congratulations on your graduation” ~ Valdeberen
“NTA – but your mom sure is.”
“Some people cannot handle not being in the spotlight.” ~ empressith
Others suggested confronting the issue.
“You can directly ask her ‘I heard you’re planning a wedding for my graduation weekend’ or you could try the indirect method of ‘places fill up fast so I was wondering if we should make a reservation for dinner on Saturday and lunch on Sunday’ “
“Or ‘my friends families asked if we wanted to do a joint celebration with them on Sunday after the graduation ceremony’ “
“Or ‘I’m going to be busy celebrating with my friends on Sunday after the graduation ceremony – just wanted to let you know now so you know I’m not available.’ Or make up your own.”
“Your mom is a drama queen (‘mama drama’) who wants the spotlight.”
“Definitely NTA if you celebrated your graduation and didn’t attend her wedding.” ~Ducky818
There were even suggestions of less sinister motives.
“NTA after OP update.”
“Info: if your graduation is (let’s say) Friday, does her wedding being on Saturday really take anything away?”
“I can’t say for sure, but it could be that she feels with it being her 3rd wedding it’s not as big a deal and can be a low key affair.”
” ‘Everyone will already be here’ might be her way of trying to minimize fuss and expense for people who are traveling.”
“Or she could just be trying to steal your thunder.”
“Only you really know her motives, and I think that’s what you need to decide.”
“Either way you aren’t the AH, and I’d personally say you need to just ask her straight out, or tell her you don’t want to share the weekend now, before she starts putting down deposits.” ~ WhoFearsDeath
There was even shock at Mother’s inability to see the conflict.
“I can’t imagine any parent not focusing on supporting their own daughter when she’s at such a milestone in her life.”
“Who the hell just plan their wedding on the same weekend. I mean… They’re just selfish attention seekers or totally oblivious.” ~ loudesttown
OP did return to explain the logistics of the issue a bit more clearly.
“So my graduation is the Saturday and Sunday because it is a big university.”
“One day for the individual college and the other for the whole graduating class.”
“She wants to do it on the Sunday, the day for the whole graduating class ceremony and soon after the event.”
“I don’t plan on rushing after my own graduation to go to her wedding”
Some moments only come once.
When you have worked hard to chip out one of those moments, of course it should be celebrated.
Remember that your accomplishments are worth cheering for, and worth defending.