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Student Shamed For Refusing To Give Pregnant Cousin Money She Saved For Semester Abroad

Woman counting cash
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Members of the family rely on each other in times of need.

But apprehension can stem from those worrying about a “give them an inch, they’ll take a mile” scenario.

A woman who had worked hard to save her money for a specific goal faced the dilemma of being charitable or not towards a cousin in need, and her decision led to huge drama.

Not knowing who to consult, she turned to the “Am I the A** Hole?” (AITAH) subReddit to seek judgment from strangers online.

There, Redditor miamonroexa asked:

“AITAH for refusing to give my cousin the money I’ve been saving for my lifelong dream?

The Original (OP) explained:

“I (20 F[female]) have been saving for a study abroad program since I was 18. It’s not just a trip – it’s been my dream for years to travel, learn, and grow outside of my home town.”

“I’ve worked endless shifts, skipped vacations, and sacrificed so much to finally have enough money to make it happen. I’ve been counting down the days.”

“Enter my cousin (23 F[female]). She’s recently pregnant and struggling financially. Last week, she came to me asking for money to help with baby expenses.”

“Not a small amount either – basically everything I’ve saved. She called it ‘a family emergency’ and said it’s my duty to help because, according to her, my dream trip is just ‘a luxury’ compared to her needs.”

The OP continued:

“When I said no, she flipped out. She accused me of being selfish, heartless, and not caring about her or her baby.”

“She told me I can just ‘save up again’, like two years of hard work can magically be redone overnight. Then he mom (my aunt) chimed in, saying I’m a terrible family member and that I’ll regret this when I’m older.”

“My cousin even told the rest of my family, and now everyone is texting me, saying I’m prioritizing a ‘vacation’ over her child’s future.

“I’ve worked so hard for this, and I don’t feel like it’s fair to give it all up just because she didn’t plan her life better. But the guilt trips are getting to me, and now I’m questioning myself.”

“Am I being selfish for wanting to protect something I’ve worked years to achieve?”

“AITAH?”

Anonymous strangers weighed in by declaring:

  • NTA – Not The A**hole
  • YTA – You’re The A**hole
  • ESH – Everyone Sucks Here
  • NAH – No A**holes Here

Many Redditors thought the OP was not the a**hole (NTA) here.

“NTA. Someone else’s poor decisions and planning are not your responsibility. If she can’t afford a baby, she shouldn’t have one, and she also has her mother to help her. Enjoy your travel.” – Local_Equipment_7162

“NTA and you should respond to those other family members, ‘Then you give her the money – you all can all chip in and probably have more than what I saved!'”

“You are not obligated to pay for her baby – the baby’s father is, so perhaps they need to go that route!” – Adventurous-Emu-755

“Exactly, OP! Shift the focus to other family members helping your cousin. Reply to every message (do not take calls) with, ‘Thank you for volunteering to donate to the cousin, I’ll pass her your number.’ “

“Your priority is that study program that will shape your career and your future and help you not to end up making bad choices like getting pregnant young without financial security and financial means to support that child without coercing everyone else into supporting you financially.”

“Tell your parents that they should be supporting of you getting better in life instead they want you to struggle for someone else’s stupidity.”

“Make sure not to keep your money (or bank account information) at home, so your parents can’t take your savings and give it to your cousin.” – Lopsided-Holiday-886

“I suspect that at the age of 23, your cousin is not used to having to depend on herself for everything. She is working the old family helps family thing. Also, people like this never pay money back. They just don’t. After this, you will probably not want to discuss anything financial with her.”

“Remember that the word ‘no’ is a complete sentence. You do not owe her any explanations. So, please go study abroad and enjoy yourself. NTA.” – floofienewfie

“This cousin better be joking… Cos how the hell can you say ‘You can just save up again’… honestly, I’d have smacked her if she said that in my face cos wtf… She is not entitled to your money, OP…. Stay focused on your dreams and let no one tell you otherwise.” – cody99maria

“OP would never be able to save up again, because having successfully bullied her into giving up her savings once, they would have an endless list of needs ‘for the baybeee.’ “

“NTA, OP, enjoy the trip you’ve worked so hard for.” – TassieBorn

“Make her a GoFundMe, donate $10 and be sure to send it to all the relatives. Include everybody in the thread so they can each see what the other is giving. And make sure the bratty cousin and baby-daddy are included.”

“I don’t know if the site allows this, but it would be awesome if it shows the names you sent to and how much they gave. Or at least the list of people that did give.”

“NTA.” – Distinct_Clue6724

“NTA but if it were me I’d want to know how she came up with the amount that you have saved. Does someone know how much you have saved and told her?” – Inevitable_Project49

“Probably, the aunt has been talking to her mum or someone, and happened to say she’s saved so and so for her trip . Flying monkey of a mother won’t put her own hand in her pocket to pay for her grandkid when op can pay.” – madgirlv6

“NTA.”

“TELL YOUR AUNT TO DRAIN HER RETIREMENT ACCOUNT TO FUND HER DAUGHTERS PREGNANCY EXPENSES.”

“A family emergency isn’t a cousin getting pregnant and being broke.” – McflyThrowaway01

“I like to play Garfunkel and Oats ‘Pregnant women are smug’ when people do things like this. Just because you got pregnant does not make it your family members responsibility to give you their life savings. Perhaps you should have planned for a child and been saving for 2 years for that child.”

“Perhaps you should shop for certain things at thrift stores and garage sales. We had to do that growing up. Perhaps you should pick up extra shifts.”

“Perhaps an education abroad is valuable and a 20-year-old who isn’t pregnant should be allowed to worry about their own future rather than the future of their cousin just because the cousin got knocked up.”

“OP, in the future don’t let a soul know that you are saving money and definitely don’t let them know how much. Make sure no one can access your funds and for anyone who tells you to give the money, tell them that they should give it if they are so concerned.”

“They’re wrong by the way, you will never regret this. But you will regret it forever if you destroy your dreams of studying abroad. Who’s to say you could save up enough in time to go before you graduate? Don’t let this person steal your opportunity because they are entitled.” – BojackTrashMan

“NTA. Cut these people out of your life ASAP. They don’t care about your hard work. They only care about themselves. Your cousin should have kept her legs closed if she wasn’t financially ready for a child.”

“Has she reached out to the sperm donor for child support? She needs to reach out to him instead of reaching out to you. Go on your trip. You worked hard for it.” – Still_Condition8669

“Listen when you get your cousin pregnant it’s only reasonable you chip-in for expenses…oh wait. What does her inability to meet her own financial needs have to do with you exactly?”

“You might want to let her know if she is ‘recently’ pregnant and she lives somewhere where that status is a choice then she may have a decision to make. A one-time influx of cash from you won’t change her situation long-term.”

“If she can identify the baby’s father that would be the first person to ask for help and then get a court order for that help.”

“The second group of people that should be chipping into the fund is all the people that have contacted you about giving her money. Start a group email addressed to the newly pregnant and list all the members of the group. Make sure she knows they all think it’s a family responsibility to give her money and they all agreed on this. So they can individually list what money they are prepared to give and make arrangements for that right away.”

“Then exit the email by saying you will be contributing nothing because they are all correct. You are ‘selfish, heartless, and not caring about her or her baby’. Just let them know they’re correct, but I’m so glad they’ve ALL agreed to step up and help family so you don’t have to.”

“Then peace out and enjoy your time abroad. Maybe consider not coming back to that family if all they see you as is a piggy bank.” – NonSpecificRedit

Overall, Redditors believed the OP wasn’t obligated to fork over her hard-earned money to her demanding cousin.

They were also appalled at the cousin for minimizing the value of her goal in order to convince her that her needs, that the OP was not responsible for, was more important.

As one Redditor suggested, maybe other family members can either chip in or set up a GoFundMe for the cause instead of putting pressure on the OP to be the sole, unwilling philanthropist.

Written by Koh Mochizuki

Koh Mochizuki is a Los Angeles based actor whose work has been spotted anywhere from Broadway stages to Saturday Night Live.
He received his B.A. in English literature and is fluent in Japanese.
In addition to being a neophyte photographer, he is a huge Disney aficionado and is determined to conquer all Disney parks in the world to publish a photographic chronicle one day. Mickey goals.
Instagram: kohster Twitter: @kohster1 Flickr: nyckmo