Fashion choices are just that—choices.
They don’t really say anything about a person or the quality of their character, despite the preconceptions of a few of the older generations. Hair and clothes definitely make a look, but they don’t make a personality.
Redditor ThrowA_stuckhair, a teenager, found herself up against people who did believe that her choice would really change something about her sister’s special day–despite her making a choice to shave her head to keep herself looking somewhat sane.
Unsure if she’d done something wrong by changing her hair, she went to the popular subReddit “Am I The A**hole?” or “AITA” for feedback from objective strangers:
“AITA for shaving my head 2 weeks before my sister’s wedding?”
Our original poster, or OP, talked about the embarrassing circumstances that lead to her losing bits of hair in advance of the wedding.
“I (16F[emale]) had an accident on monday, I don’t want to be too detailed since it’s so f**king embarrassing but some parts of my hair got stuck and ripped off, this caused me to have some patches in my head and to be honest they’re pretty noticeable.”
“My head is okay, I barely bleed and the hair will grow back eventually.”
“My sister’s (23F) wedding is in two week and I’m the MOH, my parents drove me to the hospital to make sure that everything was fine, I sent her a picture and told her everything but the she couldn’t see how big the patches were and told me to get better.”
“I was feeling so bad about myself and I asked my dad if I could just shave it cuz it’ll draw less attention, he said yes and we went to the salon that same day.”
“Now, being hairless before my sister’s wedding is obviously a problem, but I’m into cosplay and I own several wings.”
“None of them looks like my natural hair, but I’ve a black one that looks pretty dope on me, it’s fake hair tho and I’m not really sure if I can do the hair my sister wants me to have at her wedding since she wants me to dye it too.”
OP’s sister was taken aback and upset by the change.
“She came today to drop some things and saw my shaved head, she was horrified and asked me why I did it, why I wanted to f**k up her wedding and that I should’ve asked her first.”
“I said that the patches were big enough to be noticeable and that the remaining hair on my head scratched my injuries making me itch and I only ended up bleeding again.”
“She called me Toretto and that I was an AH for what I did, I’m starting to feel bad because I shaved it for my own comfort and maybe I could’ve waited until the wedding.”
“But the itching was horrible and I couldn’t resist, also when she called me Toretto I told her that I could attend her wedding as FAMILY and she got angrier for making fun of it.”
Anonymous strangers weighed in by declaring:
- NTA – Not The A**hole
- YTA – You’re The A**hole
- ESH – Everyone Sucks Here
- NAH – No A**holes Here
Redditors didn’t see any reason for OP to feel like she’d done something wrong.
“You got into an accident…. And you had to shave your head because your hair looked crazy… it sounds like your sister is the a**hole.”
“You can wear a wig? What’s the big deal? Nobody is going to care if your hair isn’t a certain style. The main focus is on the bride. Edit: you’re NTA”-anicho7
“Give her a choice from your wig selection (or she can buy you a new one if she insists) or a nice headscarf that matches your dress/ wedding colors/ whatever.”
“She can decide if she doesn’t want you as part of the wedding party now (which would be incredibly shallow, but still her choice). She doesn’t get any more say than that. Feel better soon! NTA”-ParsimoniousSalad
“NTA. If you didn’t shave it and ended up bleeding during her wedding ceremony because your scalp got irritated it would be a lot more disruptive than cutting all your hair off.”
“A suggestion: Not only send out inquiries about a natural-looking wig to your cosplay friends, send one out to your other friends, asking if they or their parents can help.”
“Also have your parents send out a similar e-mail. I bet they’ll know someone who has worn a wig because of cancer-related or pregnancy-related hair loss, or who wears one for religious reasons.”
“The wigs Orthodox Jewish women wear can be so good that you’d have no idea they’re wearing one. BUT, if you get a lended wig, DO NOT let the wedding stylist cut or alter it in any way.”
“I think the good wigs that Orthodox women wear can be very, very expensive because they’re meant to be used on a daily basis and can last for years.”-SuLiaodai
“NTA. You clearly got injured and her calling you names because of it makes her TA big time. Being hurt and bleeding and having patchy hair vs a couple of stupid wedding photos ….”
“Her priorities are seriously out of whack. You’re clearly not TA as you did the best you could. I hope your scalp heals soon 😢”
“That said, you may have wanted to tell her ASAP before she stopped by as it was clearly an unpleasant surprise.”
“Not sure if you were able to share the wig idea between her insults, but it sounds like a good one to me.”-Pharmacienne123
And people couldn’t tell if Sister was just reacting out of surprise, by joking around and calling OP Vin Diesel’s character from Fast & Furious, or genuinely upset.
“I am soooo sick of people feeling entitled to control other people’s appearances for wedding photos. I feel marginally bad that my dad took his glasses off for our wedding photos (I certainly didn’t ask him to do it, and I only noticed after we got the pictures back.)”
“You got into an accident and did what you needed to do to feel better afterwards. Your sister is the AH.”
“The reason we cherish photos is because they show us with the people we love, not because everyone looks picture perfect. You are not a model for a wedding magazine shoot. NTA”-mikuooeeoo
“NTA do the wig and you’ll be fine. I went to a wedding where the bride was wearing a wig (alopecia) and I wouldn’t have known if I hadn’t seen her in a very different one not long before.”
“And one cosplayer to another, you can put the money you would have spent on a stylist on a nice lacefront and style it up yourself.”
“Maybe show your sister some pics of cosplays with natural looking wigs to reassure her that it shouldn’t make a difference.”-Aenthralled
“NTA. I’m willing to give your sister the benefit of the doubt and assume she’s reacting out of stress – there are probably so many last-minute things she’s dealing with right now that she’s not thinking clearly or acting like she normally would.”
“In your place, I like to think I would have given her a heads-up as soon as I knew that I’d decided shaving my head was my best option. The element of surprise probably was a factor in her reaction.”
“I agree with others who suggest including her in deciding on a wig for the ceremony, and that a cosplay wig might not look quite right.”
“When I was going through chemotherapy, I was able to get a couple of really natural-looking ones for a surprisingly good price.”
“They didn’t last forever, but they didn’t need to. My regular hairdresser trimmed the bangs for me. And don’t forget a wig cap to make it less scratchy!”
“Hopefully you will all look back on this one day and laugh. I’m so sorry you’re going through this stress, and so glad you weren’t hurt worse.”
“Edited To Add: I broke my hip about a year before I was scheduled to be a Maid Of Honor. I found out afterwards that the bride had come up with several plans for decorating my crutches or cane if I wasn’t walking unassisted by the wedding day. I still look back on that and smile!”-AmazingPreference955
“NTA. Your sister should not expect you to be miserable at her wedding or feel bad about how you look.”
“Perhaps she could cover the cost of a new wig she would like you to wear or split the cost with you or your parents.”
“There are solutions, but I don’t think showing up with bald patches was one of them.”-girlof100lists
And either way, Redditors assured OP she would figure it out.
“So, why did your sister allow the accident to happen then? As apparently – by her words – she thinks this is all intentional?”
“Seriously – anyone giving you grief over this you can ask ‘WHY didn`t YOU prevent the accident? You keep talking as if this could have been prevented, so why didn`t you!?'”
“NTA – seriously – their response is totally ludicrous.”-Professional_Duck564
“NTA – I once did first aid on a groom that looked like he’d been punked with a electric razor shaving one long strip a week before his wedding when it was a terrifying close call with a drill that pulled his hair out – he was lucky not to be scalped instead of waxed.”
“If you can obtain a natural wig, that would be great (given your intention to wear a wig), but accidents happen and you’re not an AH for trying to get through the recovery of your mishap even if it means a shaved head.”-airazaneo
“NTA, but your sister is a huge one. Idk wtf is wrong with these damn wedding people. It seems like every other post is about some bride or groomzilla treating their friends and family like trash over a stupid ceremony.”
“The only thing she should have said regarding the wedding was asked if you still felt comfortable standing up for the ceremony because you had a recent head injury. She’s a big Ole AH.”-MysticalTurnip
“NTA. You didn’t shave your head for your sister’s wedding. You shaved it because of your accident. You did what you needed to do. She doesn’t get to dictate what you look like.”
“If anyone is TA, it’s your sister. Seriously, if you having a shaved head ruins her wedding, it wasn’t much of a wedding to begin with.”
“The meaning of a wedding isn’t found in the hair, or lack thereof, of its guests.”-goody_no_shoes
OP didn’t shave her hair for fun-but rather out of necessity.
That much is clear.
Hopefully her sister will swiftly forgive her for taking care of herself in the way she needed.