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Teen Called Out For Skipping Birthday Party Mom Planned And Having Dad Throw One Instead

An upset woman cries into her hands

Birthdays are meant to be a joyous occasion.

Everyone needs as many joyous occasions as possible, right?

But when you’re a child of divorce, party planning can become a serious issue.

The guest lists, the dates, and the themes.

Not so joyous.

Case in point…

Redditor Mountain_Tooth5689 wanted to discuss their experience and get some feedback. So naturally, they came to visit the “Am I The A**hole” (AITA) subReddit.

They asked:

“AITA for missing my birthday party?”

The Original Poster (OP) explained:

“My parents are divorced, and they take turns throwing me a birthday party each year.”

“This year, it was my mom’s turn to throw me a party.”

“However, my mom’s parties are always so lame, and this was my 16th birthday party, so I wanted something cool.”

“My mom always invites her family, who has a bunch of little kids that I don’t like, and she won’t even get my favorite cake because it’s a peanut butter cake, and my brother is severely allergic to peanut butter.”

“And she gives me some crappy cheap gift and gets food from some cheap awful restaurant or, even worse, cooks herself.”

“So this year, I told her I want to spend my birthday with my dad, but she insisted on throwing me a party.”

“And no matter what I said, she wouldn’t accept me not wanting her to throw a party.”

“So I was like, fine, whatever.”

“I told my dad to throw me a party.”

“And it was awesome.”

“Until my mom called crying, telling me how much I embarrassed her by not showing up to the party she threw.”

“And everyone at the party saw the pictures I posted on Instagram from my dad’s party.”

“Now my mom’s extended family all think I’m an a**hole.”

“So AITA?”

Redditors shared their thoughts on this matter and weighed some options to the question AITA:

  • NTA – Not The A**hole
  • YTA – You’re The A**hole
  • NAH – No A**holes Here
  • ESH – Everyone Sucks Here

Many Redditors declared OP was NOT the A**hole.

“Unpopular opinion but NTA.”

“OP turned 16, which is a significant milestone birthday for many.”

“OP just wanted a birthday for once that was truly about her for this one day.”

“Mom hasn’t been listening or communicating with OP in a meaningful way regarding her birthdays.”

“OP is a teenager rapidly approaching adulthood who is still being treated like a child by her mom.”

“If mom can’t provide for OP on her birthday, then mom should stop playing the victim; don’t do something for others when you know it’s not what they want and then have the gall to say they don’t appreciate what you’ve done.”

“That is manipulative behavior.”

“I understand that mom may have other priorities, but for this one birthday, she could have prioritized OP.”

“Dad was listening and willing to make OP’s birthday the event she hoped for.” ~ ToughCareer4293

“Yeah I mean, in my opinion, op isn’t asking for too much tbh (at least what they’ve written). They want a specific cake flavor and to not have a bunch of their little cousins running around.”

“Oh, and dear me, dinner at a restaurant?!? How absurd.”

“Really, the only AHish thing in this post is the attitude.”

“I mean, there was a literal show about the sweet 16s of spoiled teenagers, and normally it wasn’t about these things.”

“OP comes across as kind of bratty or rude, but I’m willing to bet they’ve probably told their mom that they don’t like these things about her parties multiple times and are at their wit’s end.”

“They also told mom that they weren’t going to show up at the party… not sure what mom was expecting.”  ~ Significant_Cat_3

“Exactly! OP might be acting like an AH, which doesn’t mean she is an AH because she’s got good reason to be upset.”

“She wasn’t unreasonable in her requests.”

“So to have them completely disregarded is just F’d up and shows that mom will most likely never see OP as an adult and be dismissive of any future decisions she makes.” ~ ToughCareer4293

“Exactly. She’s NTA.”

“She’s being a 16-year-old who feels she is not being listened to on her birthday.”

“What should have happened were the two adults should have co-parented and discussed the party or parties together.”

“To either make them on different days or get mom to finally understand she doesn’t want a little kid party.”

“Even parties on different days wouldn’t be a solution because she doesn’t want to sit through her mom’s little cousin’s party.”

“Why are we expecting a 16-year-old to act like an adult?” ~ AdFinancial8924

“I hated my birthdays because every single time the ‘whole family’ was invited, as well as some neighbors and their kids, and I was expected to ‘babysit the kids’ – my whole day was policed.”

“What I can and cannot do, what I had to do or not do etc. It was sh*t.”

“At least if I was lucky, my granny would bake me the cake I wished for.”

“If I could tell her upfront without my mom interrupting.”

“But other then that, it was a ‘go babysit the kids so the adults can talk’ event.”

“It was never about me or what I wished for but always a ‘good excuse to do stuff we want’ for my parents.”

“Heck – my sister got more appreciation and celebration on my f-ing birthday than me, because she ‘made such a lovely cake.'”

“So I can understand why OP is annoyed AF, and I frankly am happy for OP that they finally got a decent birthday party for once.”

“Hopefully, there will be other decent birthdays to come.” ~ owl_curry

“Exactly this. I’m surprised by how far I had to go to get to NTA.”

“It’s her 16th birthday, and she wanted her party to be about her for a change.”

“The parties her mother threw in the past were about everyone but her.”

“She asked her mother to let her dad throw the party.”

“Her mother refused.”

“She told her mother she didn’t want a party.”

“Her mother did what she wanted to do and hurt herself, as far as I’m concerned.”  ~ Own-Blackberry2647

“Sounds like mom uses her kid’s birthday to throw a get-together for her family.”

“She doesn’t ask op what she wants.”

“She insisted on throwing the kid a party despite the kid’s protests.”

“OP may be a little spoiled and immature, but what 16-year-old isn’t.”

“Mom should have asked the kid why she didn’t want her to throw a party this year and listened to the kid’s opinion.”

“Mom is clearly out of touch with her own child. NTA.”  ~ KitchenParticular707

“I feel like your favorite cake and meal is a basic requirement of a birthday if your parents can afford it.”

“The brother can not eat cake for one day as long as he’s not deathly allergic. NTA.”  ~ RoseIsBadWolf

“Yeah, I just replied to someone that mom could buy a small cake in the flavor OP wants and then a few cupcakes for her brother or anyone else who may not like peanut butter despite not being allergic to nuts.”

“There are ways to make this work within a budget.”

“It just takes a little more effort than mom could be bothered to exert.”  ~ ToughCareer4293

“I mean, if the guy is really allergic to peanuts, then just being in the same room as people eating the cake could be enough to kill him.”

“That’s not really something where compromise can happen.”

“If they have different dads, then it’s easy for OP’s father to accommodate that request.”  ~ LostDogBoulderUtah

“I’m still going with ESH because OP is being extremely rude and entitled (she hates mom’s food and hate the food from restaurants mom can afford, what is the option then???).”

“But you have an excellent point.”

“Mom was totally ignoring OP’s wishes for her own birthday party, and most were all super valid.”

“If you can’t choose your own cake and choose not to have little kids running around in your own bday party, you might as well call it mom’s family dinner.”

“Mom made OP’s birthday all about herself and her own feelings when it should be about OP.”  ~ Jeff1N

“I just take OP’s attitude as being that of a teenager finding her place in this society that says 16 is a big deal.”

“Maybe mom can’t afford a fancy meal, but at least give OP the cake she wants, even a small one, and then cupcakes for her brother with the nut allergy.”

“There are options, but mom can’t be bothered to work it out with OP.”  ~ ToughCareer4293

“I mean, OP is NTA for missing the birthday party mum organized since they’ve already communicated what they wanted.”

“But mum completely disregarded what they wanted and played the victim when OP didn’t show.”

“But TA for the way they talked about mum on the post (regarding the ‘cheap crappy’ present and ‘cheap’ restaurant, even whined about mum’s cooking. super unnecessary and rude).”

“But I also think it might be because they’re at their wit’s end and just got sick of their birthday being made to be about everyone else but them by their mum.”  ~ hotstrawberrytea

“NTA. It’s pretty obvious people who are calling you TA didn’t read.”

“You communicated that you didn’t want your mom to throw you a party.”

“You said you wanted your dad to.”

“You even state that your birthdays are more family gathering events for your mom and not really about you, so at 16, I get wanting this one to be what you want.”

“You’re not TA at all, and this thread is showing who has some hurt feelings.”  ~ Consistent-Chef-6068

Well, OP, Reddit is a bit divided but mostly in agreement with you.

The deeper issue here seems to be some turmoil.

A long, calm chat with parents and kids together may be helpful.

Good luck, and Happy Birthday!