While we all hope families are made up of parents or guardians that put the physical and emotional needs of their children first.
Unfortunately that is not the reality for all children. One young woman, who recently turned 18, felt her 43-year-old mother was only interested in her ability to help mom have another child with her 31-year-old fiancé.
She sought help on the Relationship Advice subReddit when mom’s pressure go to be too much.
Redditor throwra-surrogate posted:
“My mother wants me to donate eggs so she can have kids with her fiancé.”
She explained:
“There’s a lot to this and good God it’s a mess.”
“I go off to college in August. I turned 18 at the end of May.”
“When I was about 14, my mother asked me if I would be willing to help her have a baby one day. I said yes without understanding what it all entailed.”
“She is still holding me to this even though I have since changed my mind.”
“My mom has been threatening to kick me out over my refusal. She is pressuring me to sign a contract that would bind me to one cycle sometime before I turn 30 and she has even discussed me carrying a baby for her once I’m done with school.”
“She wants eggs and if she can’t physically carry them herself she wants me to think about carrying the baby for her.”
“She claims she understands how hard pregnancy/childbirth would be on my body so she isn’t asking for it. She minimizes the toll egg donation would be on me though.”
“I feel very nervous about this and I’m trying to stall/hold out until I am no longer under her roof. I can’t afford to move out (ETA: until August).”
“I’m not sure if I could eventually get out of this contract if I were to sign it, but I don’t want to risk it. Her fiancé is totally cool with this.”
“I don’t know what to do.”
“I’m trying to make plans to maybe stay with a friend, but I’m hoping to find a way out of this with my personal items. I know my mom will hold things hostage so to speak.”
Redditors were very concerned for the OP.
She later added she has a 15-year-old sister and their birth father died in 2012. While their mother has never been physically abusive, she was strict and sometimes acted erratically.
Most suggested the OP find a way to get out of the situation as soon as possible.
“If you are leaving and your mom holds your property or valuables, or government issued IDs hostage, you can call the police.” ~ andyk_77
“You can also quietly gather your valuables and identity documents. You can even tell her you need to scan them in for school or work.”
“You can put them someplace safe like at a trusted friends house. And you can also replace them with copies so that she may not know that they are missing.” ~ EclecticVictuals
“Clearly you need to get away from her and not consent to such an insane situation. Also, what about your 15 year old sister?”
“Make sure you explain this to her so your crazy mother doesn’t go after her next. Best of luck!!” ~ brokenspirit667
“You’re being abused by a narcissist.”
“Arrange to leave the house and contact CPS on behalf of your sister. If there’s a record and your mom completely goes off the deep end your sister will have an out.” ~ succubusbanana
“This is so important. I’m married to someone who was raised by a parent like this.”
“You have likely been manipulated your whole life to feel as if things like this are your fault. You do not own any responsibility for your mother’s abuse.”
“Nothing you have done makes it okay. Start seeing a counselor soon so that you don’t internalize this.
“My wife has complex PTSD from living with her mom. You are worthy and smart, SHE is the problem.” ~ itsjustmekelsey
One Redditor asked how mom’s fiancé was reacting to the situation.
“No is a complete sentence. She can’t make you do anything you don’t want to do.”
“Surrogate have to have at least one successful pregnancy [before becoming a surrogate].”
“She needs therapy.”
“What the hell is the fiancé saying?” ~ June_Monroe
OP stated she’s never really had a chance to speak one on one with the fiancé.
“The fiancé thinks it’s a perfectly reasonable thing to ask. He’s a little crazy but he’s seemed saner than my mother up until recently.”
“I wonder if he thinks I volunteered for it rather than my mom is pressuring me to do it. I’m rarely able to talk to him alone.”
Redditors suggested the OP do whatever is necessary to get out of the situation as soon as possible and to seek help.
“Careful. This is a very big red flag.”
“I recommend extreme caution. You seem to be dealing with 2 irrational people.”
“One willing to impregnate her own daughter with a man 2x her daughter’s age and the other also agrees there’s nothing wrong with this.”
“There’s TONs wrong with this and if you have a car just live in it at this point. If not find a new place until August comes around. Cause this sounds dangerous.” ~ The_Namix
The Original Poster (OP) added an update.
“I let my 15-year-old sister know some of the things that are going on and we have started collecting evidence. There’s a lot of small things that CPS might care to know about, like mood swings and extreme punishments.”
The OP provided no further updates since then. Hopefully she and her sister are in a safer environment.