Young love can feel like the most important and dramatic thing when you experience it. Hormones and the excitement of something new heighten the entire experience.
But that also means that when there’s an issue, it also turns into a dramatic experience. Redditor yume143 had this issue with her stepsister and boyfriend.
The original poster (OP) is worried she was wrong to get between her stepsister and boyfriend, because the two were good friends before she arrived. However, she was unsure if she was the a**hole.
To figure it out, she asked the “Am I the A**hole” (AITA) subReddit about her situation.
The question was:
“AITA for getting jealous of my stepsister and boyfriend?”
OP is trying to navigate this relationship.
“My (17f[emale]) dad passed away when I was ten and my mom remarried 6 years later. I love my stepdad, he is kind and respectful and I can see how much he loves my mom. He has two kids B (18f) and L (18M[ale]).”
“Mom sold our house and he and SD bought a new house in my SD’s hometown.”
“My stepsiblings and I have a good relationship. They have a best friend J (18M) who later on became my boyfriend.”
“We would all hangout together and everything seemed fine. Until I noticed that B would constantly start conversations about their childhood, totally ignoring me.”
“J would switch the subject and I can join the conversation again. Then B would again start talking about their childhood and old friends. It was okay at first but I would feel constantly out of place.”
“When J and I hangout in my room, B would enter without knocking and starts joining us and eventually leaving me out of the conversation again. I can see my boyfriend trying to include me and change the topic.”
“I told my mom how uncomfortable I feel towards B but she said to just understand and accept that they were childhood bestfriends. I told B how I feel and she apologized and said, it wasn’t her intention to exclude me in our conversations.”
“2 days ago J and I went to see a movie, while waiting outside the theater, B suddenly approached us and said she was out with some friends when she saw me and J. She watched the movie with us and rode an uber with us on the way home.”
“I confronted her when we got home as she ruined my date with J. We had plans for the night but because she tagged along we just decided to go home after the movie. She called me an insecure b**** and that she was in his life first.”
“Her friends think I’m the AH for getting in between B and J. I feel so sad. L and SD took my side and told B to apologize but mom said a boy shouldn’t cost me my relationship with my stepsister.”
“AITA?”
Reddit users judged OP by responding with one of the following in their comments:
- NTA – Not the A**hole
- YTA – You’re the A**hole
- NAH – No A**holes Here
- ESH – Everybody Sucks Here
OP isn’t the one who’s done something wrong and needs to change, but commenters agreed that her stepsister is.
The stepsister needs to be honest with what she’s doing.
“NTA – your step sister needs to respect your boundaries and space, it doesn’t matter that she ‘knew him first’ ( which is so f***ing childish)”
“I’m really happy to hear that your boyfriend is understanding and tries to include you. Your step sister has some serious issues and the way she is treating you isn’t okay.” – Jen_jay66
“NTA. Your boyfriend really needs to be the one to be firm with her, because she will take any complaints you have as ‘oh you’re being insecure’.” – PartyySnacks
“NTA – Sounds like she either likes him or they’ve been together in the last. I’d just try to talk to him about it, calmly and rationally, so he doesn’t feel attacked or accused by anything.” – TiaWannaBeanie
“I don’t think they had something romantic before as J never told me as well as L.” – yume143 (OP)
OP updated to thank commenters and give a little more information.
“Edit: Thank you everyone for your comments and advice. This is my first relationship so I’m all new to these. To those asking f B had a thing for my bf, I’m not sure but L told me she caused J his first relationship. So maybe.”
“More info: I didn’t just walk into their friend circle, B and L introduced me to J when we moved into our new house. B has not apologized yet.”
OP may not have been sure if B had a thing for J at the time, but she eventually got confirmation.
In a post updating the situation, OP discovered that her stepsister did have a crush on J. On top of that, her mother is suggesting that OP breakup with J so “everything goes back to normal.”
However, commenters agreed that was a bad idea.
“NTA. Breaking up with him would actually set the precedent that Bree can do whatever she wants to get whatever she wants. F*** that.”
“Stand up for yourself and your relationship. You did nothing wrong.” – jules79
“Your sister needs help. If you break up with your partner it’s only going to make her feel like she has won and thus her behavior was justified.”
“She needs to be taught VERY clear boundaries. Your family are taking the easy way out by asking you to end your relationship. NTA.” – Hela_AWBB
“NTA. Your mother wants you to take the path of least resistance (which tends to be a theme when other family members are involved). Jake sounds like a great guy.”
“You will not be responsible for any breakup between your Mom and SD. They are grownups. If their relationship is so fragile that something like this would cause them to break up, then their relationship is really not on a solid foundation.”
“Enjoy being 17.” – patjames904
“Thank you. For now mom and dad are still okay. Dad didn’t ask me to break up with Jake and he understands me.”
“He was actually very apologetic about Bree’s actions. I think he is just giving Bree some space for now.” – yume143 (OP)
OP’s situation isn’t going to get easier until B takes a hard look at what she’s doing and matures a bit. Unfortunately, that isn’t something OP can magically make happen.
For now, she can stand firm if she wants to keep the relationship, and not set a precedent that her stepsister can walk over her.