Our histories inform who we are.
The scraped knees, the past lovers, the family struggles…
These things create the person we are today and are all part of our story.
The trouble, though, is how much of that story do you share when meeting someone new?
This was the problem facing Redditor and Original Poster (OP) eebydeeby78 when they came to the “Am I the A**hole” (AITA) subReddit for feedback.
They asked:
“AITA For not disclosing I’ve had plastic surgery?”
OP dove right into the issue at hand.
“I was introducing my new dating prospect to some friends when the subject of plastic surgery came up.”
“I contributed my two cents, giving my experience with the procedure in question, having had that surgery myself.”
“Later, my dating prospect told me they were upset that I hadn’t disclosed my plastic surgery to them and this made me an a**hole.”
Before explaining the history behind the surgery.
“I had a double eyelid procedure done a little over a year ago, and while it was a non-essential procedure that altered my appearance, my main reason for getting it was because my eyelids were so heavy and pushing down on my eyelashes, my optometrist saw scratches on the membrane of my eyeballs.”
“The surgery would have been covered by the state had I done it in my residing country as a result of this, but since this is my face, I decided to add an objective to my trip to Asia where the procedure is very common with much more doctors I can consult with, requiring me to pay for the surgery.”
“The result is very natural, and so subtle that all of my friends did not notice that I had gotten anything done until I pointed it out.”
“I can understand that plastic surgery is a deal-breaker to some people, but my situation was linked to a medical concern, and only noticeable if you put the before and after photo next to each other.”
“I’m under the general belief that if a surgery is necessary to a person’s health, even if it is technically plastic surgery, since the purpose of the surgery is not entirely cosmetic, it should be just seen as any other medical surgery.”
They were left to wonder.
“So, AITA?”
Having explained the issue and her views, OP sought guidance from Reddit.
Redditors weighed in by declaring:
- NTA – Not The A**hole
- YTA – You’re The A**hole
- NAH – No A**holes Here
- ESH – Everyone Sucks Here
Redditors decided: NTA
Some made logical comparisons.
“NTA.”
“It is like getting braces and no one expects people to disclose that they had braces in the past.”
“That’s how I see it anyway.”~789000aal
Others shared personal surgical experiences.Â
“I had plastic surgery to adjust part of my face after I had to have it removed, and I’d be honest if it came up, but I doubt anyone would even question it.”
“They’re more curious about why I had to get rid of part of my lip to begin with.”~tavvyj
OP’s romantic prospect did not escape criticism.
“Ikr, ‘plastic surgery is a dealbreaker for me and I don’t care enough to listen to why you did it’ is enough reason to consider this a lost cause.”
“If you have to justify an alteration to your own body to have good enough reasons to satisfy him, he is already claiming more ownership of you than I think is right.”~Ok-Scientist5524
And,
“NTA.”
“Does he expect you to sit down and list off your entire medical history for him?”
“Even if it was cosmetic..who cares?”
“Any time there’s a change to your body, does he want to know about that?”
“If you had pink hair one time, if you gained or lost weight, if you broke a bone.”
“Seems a little controlling.”
“It’s not like you were hiding it from him, it just hadn’t been brought up.”
“Does the fact that you had a medical procedure done change his opinion of you?”
“Those would be some serious red flags.“~canadianspin
OP did return with some final comments.
“ETA: Wow so many comments and it seems generally everyone has the same consensus.”
“However I think it’s worth mentioning the dating prospect is a woman and she doesn’t really have an issue with the fact I’ve altered my appearance but rather she has a moral objection against plastic surgery since growing up in her household, she was told to get plastic surgery to ‘fix’ many things about her body and she’s needed to work very hard to love herself as a result.”
“I knew this about her but because I don’t think of my surgery as a cosmetic one (and honestly most times I even forget it ever happened. Even I can’t tell my face has changed when I look in the mirror)”
“I didn’t think to mention it.”
“The context of the conversation with my friend made it seem to dating prospect that I was trying to push my friend to get the same procedure when I was really just explaining the inner workings of a procedure my friend was highly interested in getting done.”
“ETA again: Dating prospect never outright told me about her disdain towards cosmetic surgery and still hasn’t.”
“It’s something I’ve picked up on from hearing about her body image struggles and family affairs.”
“We also never really had a conversation about it nor has she ever asked me if I had been operated on by a plastic surgeon.”
“The closest conversation we had was her sarcastically saying something along the lines of ‘I can’t wait for my aunt to tell me I need to get my nose fixed again when I see her over the weekend’.”
Our history informs the story of who we are.
While it is important to share that story with the people we choose to let into our lives, it isn’t necessary to read everyone the whole book.
The parts of you that you share with others are for you to determine, no one else.