Redditor Economy-Assist6973 is from an Albanian background where her family celebrates weddings without restraint.
The Redditors’ cousin David recently married a woman who was opposed to many of the groom’s cultural traditions.
There was plenty of drama leading up to their nuptials, but things came to a head on the special day when the Redditor confronted the new bride after she had been complaining all day about how things didn’t go according to plan.
They visited the “Am I the A**hole?” (AITA) subReddit and asked:
“AITA for telling a bride it was not that difficult for people to upstage her at her wedding”
The Original Poster (OP) explained how she managed to upset the bride.
“My family and I are from Albania but we live in the US. My cousin David got married to his wife Lizzie this weekend.”
“In Albania we always go all out for weddings and David wanted to keep many cultural traditions. Lizzie didn’t like the idea.”
“Lizzie had sent out the invites via mail and also had some rules written down as in no kids allowed, black tie dress code, absolutely no plus ones unless both bride and groom approve of the +1.”
“I am engaged and i thought my fiancé would be included but David said lizzie is against plus +1. I said that even if Lizzie is against it, my fiancé has been in the family for years, way longer than Lizzie has been around plus he’s a friend of David as well so he would come as a friend.”
“David was frustrated and said Lizzie has set down most of these rules and whenever he goes against her she gets mad so we should cut him some slack and just bear it for his sake. I thought it was ridiculous how he didn’t stand up for himself but not my business after all.”
“All of my Albanian side side eyed the fact that the wedding was kid free because we are used to involving kids at weddings. The bride and her family refused to make any compromises about it and show respect to David and his wishes.”
“But again none of our business despite our frustration.”
“Despite the black tie dress code, most of the bride’s family turned up in jeans and flannel shirts and the women just wore casual maxi dresses. Our side of the family dressed more formal. The bride just wore a white knee length lace dress from h&m.”
“The reception took place in a cabin by the lake which had animal head trophies hanged on the walls. The only music we heard was some slow pop songs and then country music. Every time the dj tried to play some traditional balkan music, the bride’s family would get him to change it.”
“The bride also made a big deal out of the fact that we were dressed formal and how we overdid it _ we upstaged her. She kept complaining about it all night long and was throwing tantrums to David about how we as his family are very disrespectful.”
“Lizzie also implied that David’s sister looks like a high end escort with her outfit but David’s sister tried to keep it together for David’s sake. After constant insults thrown around all night long I told her to chill out.”
“She said she won’t chill out because we disrespected her. I told her first of all if she was scared she was going to be upstaged she shouldn’t request black tie dress code and secondly to be honest it was not that hard to upstage her because I’ve seen grandma dresses fancier than the one she’s wearing so she is the underdressed one for her own wedding which was supposed to be a black tie event.”
“David’s entire family sided with me but David said that I’m an AH for speaking to the bride like that on her wedding day. I told him that if the bride requires kindness she should start from herself. AITA”
Strangers online were asked to declare one of the following:
- NTA – Not the A**hole
- YTA – You’re the A**hole
- NAH – No A**holes Here
- ESH – Everybody Sucks Here
Many Redditors thought the OP was not the a**hole here.
“NTA. Don’t request black tie if you actually mean smart-casual.” – StellarManatee
“Yeah did she even Google ‘black tie’? I’m shocked that a bride would just take a wild guess at the meaning with no research.” – waitingfordeathhbu
“I am a human being who if left to his own devices would exist in t-shirts, sweatpants, and cargo shorts. Even I know what is meant by black tie attire.” – gdex86
“Lolz this bride is so very messy. If I’d heard someone asked for black tie wedding and then had their side show up in jeans I’d be like, weird prank but ok? Good luck to David. NTA.” – OddAsk9838
“This has to be it; otherwise I don’t see why half the family would be on the same page and the other half would be on the same page of a different book.”
“A little ridiculous that it didn’t occur to her that some people might actually take it seriously, but if someone needs to be telling the groom’s family “hey, I know the invite means black-tie, but we mean smart-casual,” I would expect that to be…the groom?” – harmcharm77
“I think she wanted a reason to be angry at David’s family to further isolate him and/or to be able to play the victim. Why else would she act shocked and offended when her in-laws show up to a black tie event wearing black ties?” – PunkSpaceAutist
“Telling a groom’s sister that she is ‘dressed like an escort’ at his wedding – teeth have been knocked out for less. Not that I would have condoned violence, obviously, but that bride’s actions were absolutely infuriating. Almost deliberately so.” – PaulNewmanReally
“NTA. ‘You’re an a**hole for being judgmental…’ no, this is a fair moment to be judged for how you treat your extended family and your husband’s culture.”
“Hell, this is a good moment to judge your cousin and reevaluate your respect for him. It is their wedding, and they are completely entitled to do what they want for their wedding. However, if they want black tie + jeans, then they should specify it.” – thepinkprioress
“It sounds like her cousin is with an emotionally draining and possibly abusive partner. If she digs into everyone around her this heavily with no regard for reason, imagine what he has to deal with. Regardless NTA OP!” – weedandjewels
“Agreed. Some of the comments above miss that and rather than focus on her, seek to blame David? Let’s hope this is ‘just’ bridezilla stuff and not a wider picture of coercion/ controlling her husband.”
“NTA. OP, be available to support David, I think he’s going to need it.” – Daveii_captain
“The bride has very much upstaged you in the a**hole department! She sounds horrible, and David needs to grow a backbone if he doesn’t want his life dictated to him.”
“NTA.” – inkognito_burrito
“NTA. The bride sounds like a nightmare. So many red flags here:”
– “Actively ignoring David’s culture and background by refusing to have kids at the wedding without compromise.”
– “Not accounting for situations like the one mentioned with OP’s partner by refusing all +1s outright (although I’d bet it only applied to David’s family, not her side)”
– “Establishing a dress code, then punishing the people who… abided by it? What’s that about. Aren’t you going to call out the folks turning up in casual gear who ignored the dress code?”
– “Calling her now S-I-L an escort, on the day she officially joined his family. YIKES.”
“Being a bride doesn’t give you a carte blanche to absolutely suck as a human, so I think you were justified in calling her out after a day of slights and insults to your family. Hopefully, your cousin has a wake-up call and sets her straight about how she treats his family if she wants to continue being married.” – wannabewisewoman
“NTA and I’m so glad because I couldn’t hold off the giggle when I read the title.”
“I’ve never been to a Balkan wedding but I imagine it to be as extravagant to the ones we have in West Africa, wife set herself up and sounds like she has no respect for your culture.”
“Edit: David might be the biggest AH here for creating this mess, please explain to your foreign partners your culture properly.” – OurBiggestFear-333
“NTA and it’s hilarious that the bride requested black tie, didn’t dressed like it herself and then was whining about it. Calling one of your guests a high end escort is so out of line and even worse because it’s her SIL.”
“The whole disrespect came from her. She didn’t invited the whole families (no kids), was controlling the +1 and disrespected the wishes of her Husband. Just because you are the bride doesn’t give you the right to insult your guests.” – LiaArgo
Overall, Redditors thought the bride was completely out of line with the “escort” comment aimed at her sister-in-law.
They also thought the bride should’ve done her own research to comprehend the dress code she was specifically demanding of her wedding guests.