If there is anything more challenging than sharing a home, it's sharing a bathroom.
Especially when the number of people is high relative to the number of bathrooms, things are bound to get a little tense.
Forcing some to hold it, others to take cold showers, and a few to have to deal with the lingering fragrance of the last one who used it.
With this in mind, adding a second or multiple bathrooms would seemingly solve all these problems.
One would think...
Redditor Short-Dingo3298 and their partner lived in a home with two bathrooms.
The original poster (OP)'s partner used one of these two bathrooms almost exclusively.
A seemingly harmless decision, yet one that the OP asked their partner to change.
A request that the OP's partner did not take lightly.
Wondering if they were out of line, the OP took to the subReddit "Am I The A**hole" (AITA), where they asked fellow Redditors:
"AITA for asking my partner to poop in the downstairs bathroom?"
The OP explained why they requested their partner switch to using the downstairs bathroom:
"This has been an ongoing conversation that kind of blew up this morning (pun intended)."
"Our house is single story with a finished basement."
"On the main floor, we have our bedroom, main bathroom, living room, kitchen, etc.... In the basement, we have a guest room, guest bath, TV room, and his office."
"EVERY morning he (30s, M[ALE]) makes multiple trips to the bathroom that can last 10-20 minutes each, AND there is no good soundproofing, so as I'm drinking my coffee every morning, I can hear everything that goes on in there."
"It can also disrupt my morning as I get ready to work (from home), since I'm often locked out of the bathroom."
"I simply asked if he could use the downstairs bathroom instead when he knows it may take him a while, and I was met with EXTREME resistance with excuses ranging from not liking the bathroom color to worrying about spiders in there."
"For context, this is the SAME bathroom our guests use and the same bathroom I use whenever I'm locked out of the upstairs one or am having tummy issues."
"While the upstairs bathroom is overall nicer and more spacious, they do have the same new toilet."
"So, AITA for asking that he use the basement bathroom when he needs to blow up the toilet despite the upstairs one being nicer?"
Fellow Redditors weighed in on where they believed the OP fell in this particular situation, by declaring:
- NTA: Not the A**hole
- YTA: You're the A**hole
- ESH: Everybody Sucks Here
- NAH: No A**holes Here
The Reddit community resoundingly agreed that the OP was not the a**hole for asking their partner to use the downstairs bathroom.
Just about everyone agreed that the OP's request was more than reasonable, even though many felt that the OP's partner might be dealing with an underlying condition he should probably discuss with a doctor.
"NTA."
"How does bathroom color have anything to do with where you poop? That's a load of excuses."- emmyfro
"NTA."
"Think a lot of commenters are missing that his office is also in the basement- so he’s doing stairs just to poo upstairs because he doesn’t like the paint color?"
"Nah."
"He’s just being difficult for no reason."- Mother_of_Crows
"NTA."
"My bf uses the guest bathroom for his morning poop so that I can get ready in the main bathroom."
"It’s basic manners."- ellewoods333
"NTA."
"My husband and I have the same sort of home floor plan, and we both know if it's going to be a long trip to drop the kids off at the pool, you're doing that in the poop dungeon in the basement."
"Also, most of my products to get ready in the morning are in our main floor bathroom, like I'm not moving my stuff out so my husband can shit and scroll reddit for 15 minutes every morning."- Business_Regret_1235
"NTA."
"If there is one bathroom on the main level that you both use to get ready in the morning, but he commandeers it for the majority of the morning, leaving you either rushed or something along those lines, then he should use the lower level bathroom."- JGalKnit
"NTA."
"I have the morning rumbles too. I use the downstairs 1/2 bath with the loud a** fan so my girlfriend can use the one upstairs to peacefully get ready for work."
"It's not that hard."- Ohhhhhhthehumanity
"NTA."
"I am willing to bite the AH bullet here, but if he won't address his health issues or how his dealing with them impacts you, I would leave."
"My friend's partner has IBS, he uses the other bathroom for privacy and to make sure my friend can still access her stuff."
"They have a fan and a candle."
"Asking not to hear someone sh*tting 3 times a day when you have another bathroom is really not asking for much."- traviall1
"NTA, and maybe he can upgrade the downstairs one?"- TartAppl3
"NTA."
"They’re nothing more gross than getting ready in a steamy, hot bathroom that gets filled with poop stink."
"If I’m getting ready, my husband ALWAYS uses the other bathroom to poop."- PoisonIvy3344
"NTA."
"I'm on your side on this one."
"I own a condo where we have a bathroom right by the Kitchen and another bathroom on the 2nd floor."
"My husband, for whatever reason, feels the need to poop in the bathroom by the kitchen."
"And it's even while I'm there, and sometimes he's not always closing the door."
"I just get really pissed at him, and he thinks I'm being unreasonable and we literally fight over it."
"I made the mistake of buying this house, but I bought the house before I married him, so this bathroom was never used until he did."
"Now I'm considering selling my house."- justageekgirl
"NTA, it sounds like he values his comfort more than yours."
"Try to take that angle next time and see how he reacts."- KGW2311
"I feel your problem with every fiber of my being."
"We have the same type of house layout."
"When my husband’s coffee kicks in after breakfast, he ties up the upstairs bathroom for AN HOUR."
"I’m planning to install a heat lamp (our basement is cold) and a bidet (he’s been lobbying for one) downstairs to see if that’s a sufficient enticement to shift him."
"Definitely NTA."- CarpenterMom
"NTA."
"My husband and I have this agreement for the same reasons."
"Maybe you can brainstorm how to make it more comfy for him?"
"Seems ridiculous but worth a shot."- TwistedCinn
"NTA."
"Listening to poop for upwards of 40-60 minutes a day from the person you are also having s3x with would slowly become a turn off for me."
"Some noises are best kept separate."
"If he’s not willing to walk downstairs to poo—maybe noise-canceling headphones are the solution for your peace of mind."- Smooth-Original-6478
"NTA, especially since you have 2 bathrooms."- Amuse_Me444
"I've been married for 30 years, and 'if you're gonna drop bombs, do it in the guest bathroom' has always been our agreement."
"Seems reasonable to me, NTA."- Crowlady77
"NTA."
"Adults should be able to have mature discussions about the practicalities of living together, even if the subject is sometimes uncomfortable."
"He is reacting with unreasonable annoyance (unless you approached in a way that/came off like you are shaming him for normal bodily functions) to what should be a shared practicality."
"Hopefully it's just because he got embarrassed on the spot, but he should absolutely be willing to consider this."
"I would also consider if he's just in there to sit on his phone without being disturbed because then from his perspective the comfort-level is more relevant, being that he's then just relaxing in there, but then the problem is instead that he's using the bathroom as his own private lounge instead of a practical space needed for everyone's use."- SuperValle
The OP later returned with an update, thanking everyone who took the time to comment, and sharing where things currently stood between them and their partner:
"He apologized hours ago for his 'overreaction' (his own admission)."
"I will be repainting the bathroom and adding a screen to the outside of the small hopper window to help with spider reduction."
"Unfortunately, the guest bathroom full remodel is probably a couple of years out. Kitchen and landscaping first!"
"But, overall, very insightful conversation!"
"I'm feeling as though I am not the a**hole in this situation; however, based on some people's very extreme 'you can't dictate where people poop!' comments, I will accept that this is apparently a very sensitive issue for some folks."
"My mistake was assuming it was a very normal request."
"And, yes, we've discussed that maybe his stomach issues are not normal."
"However, he is a grown man and can make his own doctor's appointments."
One imagines anyone would have been embarrassed had they been in the OP's partner's shoes.
One imagines, however, that he might have avoided that embarrassment had he used the downstairs bathroom.
Hopefully, these issues will become a thing of the past, and he'll speak to a doctor about this sooner rather than later.
