When Redditor EuphoricLetter9525’s wife quit her job a year ago, he was willing to support their family financially until she could find another job.
But his wife had other plans that further complicated their marriage when she declared she would be making a lifestyle change.
The Original Poster (OP) asked on the “Am I the A**hole” (AITA) subReddit:
“AITA for insisting my newly vegetarian wife still cook meat for me?”
The OP wrote:
“Wife (28 F[emale]) and I (28 M[ale]) have been married for 2 years now. About a year ago Wife came home and informed me that she had quit her job.”
“She hated her job and only made about $1000 a month there so it really wasn’t worth how unhappy it made her.”
“I certainly would have appreciated a heads up, but I couldn’t be too upset.”
“I told her I would dip into my personal savings for 2 months to make up for her lost income until she can find another job. She instead informed me that she already had everything figured out.”
“She would become a SAHW [stay at home wife] but we wouldn’t adjust our lifestyle because I would work 8 hours of OT a week to make up for the $1000 a month.”
“I looked at her like she lost her goddamn mind, but she explained she would take over all of my chores, she’d be able to run all of our errands, and she could cook all of our meals.”
“When I got home I would be able to just relax. All I would have to do is focus on work and with her cooking every meal we’d be eating better and healthier.”
“Sounded nice, but I was a bit skeptical because she only worked part-time prior, so there’s no reason she couldn’t have been doing some of that stuff already. But she was so excited about it and I hadn’t seen her that happy in awhile so I agreed to try it out.”
“The results have been less than advertised. I still do my own laundry and run errands on the weekends. She’s maybe cooked breakfast (before I leave for work) 10 times in the past year.”
“But one thing she has been really good about, and is by far the most important thing to me, is that she does the grocery shopping and cooks dinner 5x a week. She’s a great cook and her food is delicious.”
“Yesterday, she informed me that she is going vegetarian. Awesome! I fully support that.”
“I told her she can just cook my meat on the side, and when necessary I’ll mix it in with my food. She said no.”
“She will no longer be cooking meat at all.”
“In fact, she will no longer be buying meat from the grocery store. If I didn’t want to eat her vegetarian dishes I would have to go to the store myself, buy meat, bring it home and cook it myself.”
“I’m an avid weight lifter, I eat a ton of meat daily. But I still said OK, f’k it.”
“I’ll stop working OT so I can come home and cook my own meals with meat, and you can just go back to work to contribute to our household because if you’re no longer going to do the only thing you’ve been consistent with, then we need to end this arrangement.”
“She began to cry and called me financially abusive and I’m holding it over her head that I make the money and forcing her to be my personal chef who cooks what I demand when all she wants to do is become more ethically conscious.”
“I don’t feel that way at all. All I wanna do is eat meals with meat, I don’t care who cooks it.”
“But obviously if its going to be me, then I need to get off work a little earlier, and she needs to start working at least part-time.”
Anonymous strangers weighed in by declaring:
- NTA – Not The A**hole
- YTA – You’re The A**hole
- ESH – Everyone Sucks Here
- NAH – No A**holes Here
Many Redditors sided with the OP.
“NTA OP. In fact she is the one who financially abused you, forcing you into overtime over a major financial decision she made on her own, AND didn’t hold up her end of the bargain.”
“Now she is gaslighting you into believing you are in the wrong. The waterworks and all, give her an Emmy with the divorce papers. I guarantee her dinners ain’t THAT good to support this mess.” – ThePZC
“She chose to be financially dependant on OP without even discussing it with him.”
“If she really isn’t up for compromising then I don’t see how this has a good ending. Cut your loses and all that.” – KatsuExpert
“She wants to be an idle housewife, like one of those Housewives of Beverly Hills or something.”
“Just lounge around, do yoga, eat right, and not do anything. Husband makes all the money, she thinks she’s too good for all that.”
“At this point if this has been going on for a year and it’s only gotten worse, and she accused OP of (financially) abusing her when he says he wants her to either honor the arrangement or go back to work? Major flags.” – Serpentine8989
“Yea just from a glance, in the UK what the wife is doing is actually a form of Domestic Abuse.”
“We updated the laws a few years ago, and coercive control, economic abuse, and emotional abuse are all now counted.”
“OP get your hole a Solicitor, but don’t leave the house.” – SomewhatIrishfellow
“Yeah I don’t necessarily think he’s in the wrong as she had been breaking the agreement already, and if anything he’s asking her to become less financially dependant – I don’t see it as financial abuse.”
“He’s saying to get her job back if she isn’t happy to keep to the arrangement, not restricting her further.” – illiriam
“He doesn’t need luck, he needs a good therapist (more likely a good lawyer) Sh*t’s doomed.”
“He cares more about protein than the blatant disrespect. She’s selfish and he seems very over it—not angry, upset just nothing.”
“I’m more considerate towards coworkers than OP’s wife is to her own husband. This doesn’t read to me like a post about a married couple. They’re meant to be partners and they sound like sh**ty roommates.” – Crlyb2611
“This! 🚩🚩🚩🚩 You dropped these! She decided to quit her job without consulting you first and you were so loving and caring and made adjustments (OT) to make this lifestyle possible!”
“She is at home all day long and it seems like she doesn’t do one thing she promised I’d call her a golddigger! Her behavior is toxic af, get yourself a good lawyer and run! I think she is the one gaslighting you!”
Based on the majority of the comments, Redditors thought the wife was choosing to be lazy and their marriage was not going to end well.
