Making an honest living in any job is nothing to be ashamed about.
There is no such thing as “just a waitress.”
People in hospitality work hard.
And the disrespect is enormous.
It’s shocking when the disrespect comes from loved ones.
Case in point…
Redditor throwprivate346 wanted to discuss her story for some feedback. So naturally she came to visit the “Am I The A**hole” (AITA) subReddit.
She asked:
“AITA for dumping my husband’s glass after he kept telling me to refill it?”
The Original Poster (OP) explained:
“I (F[emale] 33) very recently started working as a waitress.”
“I’m a High School drop out and my husband (M[ale] 30) used to be the sole provider.”
“The reason I got a job was cause I had to.”
“My husband was against it but I had to, to be able to get the things I want without feeling guilty using my husband’s money since he has debts.”
“When I started working he had an attitude and kept making remarks about it.”
“Last Friday we had guests over and I served them coffee.”
“My husband wanted iced tea so I went to make it.”
“I gave him his drink then went to sit with the guests.”
“After he got done he started shaking the glass with the ice making loud sound inside of it.”
“He looked at me, said he needed more and told me to refill it.”
“I got up and went to the kitchen to refill it then came back, gave the glass to him then sat back down.”
“Again, after he got done he told me to go refill it.”
“I was getting heated but just took it to the kitchen to refill it.”
“Came back, gave it to him and sat back down.”
“Minutes later he started shaking it telling me to refill it again.”
“I got upset and asked him why should I?”
“And he said that it’s technically my job.”
“I was appalled I told him he was out of line to treat me as a servant and he needed to knock it off.”
“He basically responded with “you have no problem serving strangers… you shouldn’t have a problem serving me then.'”
“Then gave examples of how if I give massages then I’m expected to give him a massage, if I’m a cook then I’m expected to cook for him.”
“I said since he works in car dealership then he’s expected to get me a car?”
“He said it’s not the same but I argued that those strangers pay me to do what I do.”
“He clapped back with the ‘I pay to keep a roof over your head’ statement.”
“I couldn’t take it anymore so I got up, walked up to him, took the glass out of his hand while he was smirking like he one upped me and walked straight to the trashcan and dumped it there.”
“Then I casually walked past him and sat down.”
“He was staring the entire time not believing what I just did.”
“The guests sensed the tension in the room and said they had to leave.”
“The argument ensued and he went off on me saying that I was being passive aggressive and disrespectful.”
“I told him I’ve had it with him mocking my job that I got just to lighten his burden and help him with the debts.”
“He said he wasn’t mocking it and that I was being melodramatic getting offended over nothing.”
“He ranted about how humiliating and disrespectful my behavior was when I dumped the glass in the trashcan.”
“And told me I made him look bad in front of our guests and should fix it in front of them.”
“Maybe hinting that I apologize publicly, but I said I won’t be doing this and he shouldn’t hold his breath.”
“He took offense to this statement and called me childish and petty.”
“AITA?”
Redditors shared their thoughts on this matter and weighed some options to the question AITA?:
- NTA – Not The A**hole
- YTA – You’re The A**hole
- NAH – No A**holes Here
- ESH – Everyone Sucks Here
Redditors declared our OP was NOT the A**hole.
It’s a tricky situation.
Let’s hear some thoughts…
“NTA. Lord, save all that money and get your GED and AWAY from this man.”
“He’s mad that you have an income so he can’t control you.” ~ DemonicSymphony
“My blood started boiling because of the I got the job so I can buy things without feeling guilty.”
“And I was in full HULK at the I keep a roof over our heads crap.”
“This AH is financially abusing her.”
“OF COURSE he didn’t want her to work, that would give her means to leave.”
“I didn’t see mention of kids, she needs to leave before children will force her to deal with this AH forever.”
“Marriage is a partnership, not master and servant.”
“Screw this guy, get a GED, maybe college. She’s only 33!”
“Totally time to find her own path.”
“OP: you. deserve. better. You do NOT have to take his crap.”
“You took the first step, getting a job.”
“Really ask yourself why a) he makes you feel guilty about spending money which leads to…”
“b) why is he against you working? He is an abuser…”
“He may not hit you but he is controlling you financially and he disrespects you with his words AND actions.”
“This is not how a person treats someone they love and respect.”
“YOU weren’t the disrespectful one, you are NOT TA.”
“HE IS AND MORE. RUN OP.”
“And never look back.”
“Most of all, you haven’t mentioned children so I’m hoping and praying there are none.”
“DO NOT HAVE CHILDREN WITH HIM.”
“Would you want your daughter to think it’s ok for a man or woman to treat her like this?”
“Would you want your son to think it’s ok to treat his wife like this?”
“Get out, NOW!!”
“Please give updates so we know you’re ok.” ~ Fantastic_Weakness19
“Quick hijack for OP Please take a bit of time to read the book.”
“Why does he do that?”
“By Lundy Bancroft, I’ll put a link below.”
“The book details the different ways in which abusive partners behave and some of the patterns that they follow.”
“Some folks think abuse is only physical but sadly, abuse comes in many different forms and financial is one of them.”
“Check out the book If we are just reading too much into this situation then you loose nothing but a bit of time.”
“But if you start to see some patterns looking familiar it might be time to go.”
“You deserve a Partner not a boss who will lift you up so that you can willingly do the same for them.”
“Don’t settle for less than you deserve.” ~ send_me_your_noods
“Oh. No OP. No you didn’t, HE made himself look bad in front of your guests.”
“I would’ve cheered op if she’d done this in front of me.”
“I can’t believe she refilled it three times before finally dumping the glass.”
“By the end, I was hoping she dumped it over his head so I was a tiny bit disappointed.”
“NTA OP, your husband sounds like a complete boor.”
“Is this really how you want to be humiliated for the rest of your life?” ~ SheDidWhaaaat
“100% this.”
“He’s the one who embarrassed himself, treating you like his slave and is just sh**ty because you stood up to him.”
“I can only see this escalating if this isn’t already a 🚩amongst many.”
“Has he been trying to get you to not see your friends or family?”
“Think this through.”
“Is this the start of the abuse or just the first time it was so blatant you couldn’t ignore it.”
“Also – NTA.” ~ sharri70
“This, and also you missed his lap op aim better next time.”
“It’s not your job and if he feels that way then… way then.”
“I’d lean into it.”
“Charge him for everything he wants a glass that was what 4 that’s around $40 right there.”
“And when all of what I did got out of the negative I’d bill his a**. NTA.” ~ fox13fox
“I wish I’d seen this quiz 20 years ago.”
“I’m finally out now… and in therapy trying to put my life back together.”
“Ex scored 47 and I was generous on a couple questions.”
“OP my response is late.”
“You probably won’t see this but if you do, please know that he knows exactly what he’s doing.”
“It’s intentionally controlling, and it’s likely going to escalate.”
“Please please consider the suggestions posted by others here for how to protect yourself.”
“(You’re absolutely NTA)”. ~ pumalegal
“My partner and I just did it and each self scored 13 when we did it, while our scores matched, our answers to make up the score differed.”
“We would both say it’s unhealthy.”
“Will others reply with theirs and how they self report their relationship?”
“I think it’s likely a compatibility thing, is there any chance of salvaging a relationship like that?”
“Oh, for OP, NTA. He is being an a** and controlling.” ~ reidmrdotcom
“Totally NTA.”
“The only misstep you might have made, was in not refilling his tea, just like he wanted, and then dumping it over his head.” ~ Davi_323
Well OP… it sounds like you have a lot of support.
OP’s husband definitely needs a lesson in manners.
And perhaps a visit to a marriage counselor would be helpful.
Good luck OP.