The countdown to a baby’s due date can be stressful.
There is so much to do.
And even with a date in mind, there still never seems to be enough time to get everything covered.
That is why it is so important for mothers to have people to count on for certain things.
Like a person there to help with the delivery, that’s a big concern.
Redditor tayyyspeaks wanted to discuss her experience and get some feedback, so naturally, she came to the “Am I The A**hole” (AITA) subreddit.
She asked:
“AITA for not letting my husband attend his sister’s wedding?”
The Original Poster (OP) explained:
“My husband (31 M[ale]) and myself (28 F[emale]) are expecting our first child this May of 2025.”
“We found out very early in September of 2024.”
“We did not keep this a secret from anyone and, in fact, shared the news in person with his family and my family on the day we found out.”
“During this period, his sister (29 F) was getting to know someone and getting engaged in October of 2024.”
“It’s sort of an arranged marriage as she was set up and decided to get engaged only after 3 months of speaking to the guy.”
“Her parents (my I[n]-L[aw]s) were happy that she liked him and wanted to quickly move forward.”
“She’s been wanting to get married for the past 5 years.”
“After the engagement party in October, there was a brief discussion of when the wedding would be.”
“His sister had mentioned that she wanted to be married by no later than April of 2025.”
“After our initial doctor visit in September, my husband had mentioned to his parents that I would not be able to travel after 34 weeks as per the doctor’s orders.”
“His mother decided to ignore this information and not address it.”
“His sister and mother decided to plan on having the wedding in April of 2025 even though they had not booked anything.”
“His sister’s fiancé lives in Texas, a 3.5-hour flight away.”
“I briefly mentioned that I would not be able to attend in April as it would be too close to my due date but wished them all the best in their planning.”
“February 2025 rolls around, and they decided to have the wedding this upcoming April 19th of 2025 in Texas.”
“I tell my husband that because I will be almost 37 weeks pregnant, that we would definitely not be able to go.”
“A month prior, during a huge fight we had, his mom had told him it’s okay if I don’t go but that he would have to attend.”
“At the time, I was not opposed to it, as I thought it would be fine.”
“Two weeks ago, we met with my doctor, and I decided to ask her for advice while he was also in the room.”
“I asked her for confirmation that it’s not a problem if he were to travel during my 37th week.”
“She looks at both of us and says, ‘Absolutely not.'”
“We both stare at her, shocked, and she continues and says, ‘this would be like rolling a dice, I would not recommend it. If something were to happen, I would not be able to slow anything down.’”
“He unenthusiastically agrees and says it’s messed up that they picked a date knowing we most likely would not be able to attend.”
“It’s now almost April, and he just told his mother that we will both for sure not be able to attend.”
“My husband and in-laws had a huge fight, and he explained the situation.”
“So his dad threatens that he wouldn’t attend either if he’s not at the wedding.”
“I don’t budge after he tells me this and calmly state that he simply cannot attend two weeks before my due date as we’re both having this baby together.”
The OP was left to wonder:
“So, AITA for not letting him attend his sister’s wedding?”
Redditors shared their thoughts on this matter and weighed some options to the question AITA:
- NTA – Not The A**hole
- YTA – You’re The A**hole
- NAH – No A**holes Here
- ESH – Everyone Sucks Here
Many Redditors declared OP was NOT the A**hole.
“NTA. Your in-laws really looked at a whole pregnancy timeline and said, ‘Nah, let’s gamble.’”
“Like, did they think the baby would just reschedule to be more convenient for them?”
“Your husband is about to become a dad—his priority should be with you, not across the country at a wedding when you could literally go into labor any second.”
“His family acting like this is some wild betrayal is crazy.”
“He’s missing one day; you’d be the one missing your PARTNER while possibly giving birth.”
“Huge difference.” ~ Emily-dreamerLM
“Well, your planning was already well on its way for this baby’s arrival.”
“Seems like the wedding was very poorly planned to consider it.”
“You’re NTA, but there’s some ignorant people involved in this that are trying to put you in a dangerous position.” ~ TheFlashestAsh
“37 weeks is full term – baby is not a preemie at this point and they do NOT stop labor, excepting extraordinary situations.”
“That is literally the ‘baby can come at any time’ window.”
“In fact, they don’t stop labor at 35 weeks in general either.”
“The difference is that at 37 weeks, they WILL assist the labor, if needed (break water, pitocin) and at 35 weeks they will not do any of this until you hit 5 centimeters.”
“Signed – mom of five.”
“First at 37 weeks, 2nd – 38, 3rd – 37, 4th – 36, and my last little trouble maker who kept trying to come from 35 weeks on.”
“I would be in active labor for several hours it would eventually peter out (no, not Braxton Hicks – I was on monitors and dilating).”
“I stayed at 4. 5-5 cent. for 2 weeks (I would dilate to five in labor, but by the time the doctor was making rounds, it would stop, and I would go back to 4.5 (verified by multiple nurses).”
“Finally, it came at 37 weeks.”
“Are you seeing a trend?”
“NO, hubby should NOT travel unless you both are willing to risk him missing the birth.”
“Forgot to say NTA.” ~ Naive_Pea4475
“NTA. If your husband is not 100% in agreement that he cannot be traveling for a wedding 2 weeks before your due date, he is not ready for parenthood.”
“Parenthood is sacrifice.”
“It doesn’t mean sacrificing everything for your child, but it sure does mean it for big moments like when they’re gonna be born!”
“He cannot be hours away at a wedding (likely drinking alcohol as most people do) and expect to still make it if you go into labour.”
“This is his family’s fault.”
“They knew your likely due period before they picked a date.”
“If they don’t like it, that is their problem, not yours.” ~ imamage_fightme
“NTA. Get this straight…”
“You are not the one not allowing him to attend the wedding.”
“It’s on the doctor’s orders.”
“Your husband can make the decision as an adult what is his priority in life.”
“It is up to him.”
“His father can do whatever he wants.”
“He is free to choose.”
It is not within your husband’s interest to consider others’ actions.” ~ viola2992
“It’s been stated above.”
“From the beginning, this has all been about power and manipulation on the part of OP’s in-laws.”
“They knew the due date from the start and were told not to pick April for the wedding.”
“They assumed their son would choose them, and he was, until he heard the doctor say otherwise.”
“Now that he’s actually standing up for OP, his father is throwing a tantrum as a last resort to try and guilt trip him into changing his mind.”
“OP, I hope your husband keeps his word to you.”
“His family has shown their true colors in all of this.”
“I suggest you go low contact.”
“You now know where you and your baby stand in this family.” ~ Tall_Confection_960
“NTA — a friend of mine was about 35-36 weeks, and her husband had to fly across the country for a business trip.”
“We, my friend and I, worked for an OB/gyn.”
“During the lunch hour, he had her do an ultrasound because she wasn’t feeling the usual movement.”
“Baby was in serious distress, and my boss literally drove her to the hospital and did an emergency C-section.”
“The airline was able to hold a return flight for the ten minutes the husband needed to get off the outbound plane and get on the return plane, but that was still 5-6 hours of flight time, plus getting from the airport to the hospital in LA traffic.”
“My boss had me go over to the recovery room to stay with her so she wouldn’t be alone (she and I were good friends long before I recommended her for employment there).”
“Needless to say, they thought it was fine for him to make the trip, and it wasn’t.”
“Your in-laws knew when the due date was— they own the fact that you and your husband can not attend.” ~ TravelDaze
“Delivering anytime within 5 weeks of your due date is completely normal and on schedule.”
“And what if there’s an emergency and he’s gone?!?”
“Last May, I had a complete placenta abruption in the middle of the night while I was safely sleeping in my bed at 38 weeks and had to have an emergency C-section.”
“If I would’ve been ten minutes later to the ER, both me and my baby would’ve died.”
“It’s far too much of a risk for him to go. NTA.” ~ seecarlytrip
“NTA, you clearly told them about your due date and concerns.”
“They cannot force your husband into attending the wedding either.”
“It’s foolish to ignore concerns and then expect to forcefully get him to attend the wedding.”
“And clearly you need him by your side at that stage of your pregnancy.”
“Your in-laws are irresponsible for not taking this into consideration.” ~ Horror-Ad8049
“NTA, the title makes it seem it is against your husband’s wishes, but it isn’t.”
“He is also taking the responsibility in the decision and to be present for his child’s birth, so it isn’t you that is not letting him.” ~ atealein
“It really shouldn’t have gotten to this point.”
“When they were talking about an April wedding, your husband should’ve spoken up and said if they go ahead with April, then neither of you would be attending.”
“HE should’ve thought about this and stepped up.”
“It’s very manipulative of your F[ather]-I[n]-L[aw]! “
“When you get married, you become the main family unit of yourselves.”
“Of course, it’s fine to do stuff with your families, but especially when a baby is involved, it shouldn’t impact the main unit negatively.”
“If your husband can’t stand up to his family/see the importance of him being there with you now, then I wish you luck for the future because even boundaries are stomped once baby is here, he’s unlikely to enforce them.” ~ maplecroft16
“NTA. Your M[other]-I[n]-L[aw] and S[ister]-I[n-L[aw] fully expected that wedding to take precedence other you and your child!!!”
“A.K.A they thing they are more important to your husband then you, your health and the family your are building.”
“They are showing you who they are, believe them: they do not value you, your marriage, or your child.”
“Kudos to your husband for choosing to stay with you.”
“I wish you a safe labor and delivery and a speedy recovery.” ~ ktykaty
“NTA. It’s your first pregnancy, so you don’t know if the baby will stay in place until past your due date or come a little early.”
“Your labor could last days, you could also deliver super quick.”
“Someone I know had her first baby in the back of car on the way to the hospital an hour after her water broke.”
“Not to mention with the measles outbreak, from my understanding Texas is one of the hot spots, and while yes it’s a huge state, adding the whole plane ride to it, there is a chance your husband could bring it back with him which could be dangerous to you and baby.” ~ Mountain-Blood-7374
“Your title is wrong and makes it sound like your husband wants to go, but you’re preventing him.”
“And do I understand that his father won’t attend if your husband doesn’t?”
“That’s a ridiculous attempt at coercion.”
“How’s that gonna work? 🤭”
“So you’re NTA, your husband is NTA, and his family is just bonkers.”
“I’m glad your husband is sticking to his family (you and the baby) rather than his extended family, who are just going to have to get over themselves.”
“Good luck with the baby.” ~ WatchingTellyNow
“NTA. He has to be there.”
“He’s your medical decision maker if things go bad and you are unconscious or unable to make an informed decision.” ~ Kip_Schtum
“NTA. Oh my God.”
“This is so disrespectful.” ~ icydicey679
OP came back with an Update…
“My in-laws have guilted him into rethinking his decision.”
“I have a doctor’s appointment two days before the wedding.”
“He’s now planning on booking a ticket and deciding last minute if he’s going to attend the day before the wedding.”
“He would fly out at noon on the day of to make it in time for the main event and fly out the next morning at 7 am.”
“I honestly don’t know how to feel about this other than disappointment and fear of abandonment at such a vulnerable stage.”
“My worry is that if it happens, he won’t make it in time because there are no flights between 6 pm and 7 am.”
“To make myself feel better, I’m also trying to rationalize with myself about the likelihood of going into labor within less than 24 hours at almost 37 weeks.”
“Thank you all for your supportive messages.”
“iI feels good knowing that others see my perspective.”
Reddit is here for you, OP.
You may want to show your husband this Reddit thread.
The doctor said this was a bad idea, that she be enough for him to stay put.
Sorry you feel so alone.
Hopefully, in the end, he’ll choose you and the baby.
Good luck.