Nothing stirs up family drama like planning a wedding, where even the smallest details can spark conflicts.
For one bride on Reddit, it was simply wanting her dad to walk her down the aisle instead of her stepdad. So, she went to the AITA (Am I The A**hole) subReddit for input.
The Original Poster (OP), who goes by Kooky-Bed-330 on the platform, asked:
AITA for not telling my stepfather that my dad is doing the father of the bride stuff at my wedding?
She explained:
“My parents divorced after I was born. I’m the youngest of two. My mom remarried when I was 8. My stepfather has always considered me and my sister his daughters, but we do not consider him our dad.”
“We had a very active dad. We actually lived primarily with him in our pre-teen and teen years because he and our mom needed to move for a job when I was 11. We still saw them but to me my dad has always been the only man I consider a real father figure, my real dad.”
“So I did not consider my stepfather when I asked my dad to do the first dance and to walk me to my fiancé during the reception (he and I are walking together for the most part). It was only after a Facebook post that he and my mom found out and they were unhappy.”
“He called me and asked why I hadn’t told him and why I wouldn’t ask them to share the role. He told me I was being dismissive of the huge part he played in my life and that he deserves to be recognized equally to my dad.”
“I told him I had not considered it and of course I would ask my dad to do the father of the bride stuff. He told me he had never given up hope but me and my sister just never wanted him and he was sick of it.”
“My mom said we were being really shi**y and that he loved us and the least we could do is show the love and kindness he deserves. I told her that doesn’t entitle him to a role. She said well the least I could do is tell him ahead of time so he doesn’t find out on Facebook.”
“AITA?”
OP’s fellow Redditors were then asked to judge who’s in the wrong based on the following categories:
- NTA – Not The A**hole
- YTA – You’re The A**hole
- ESH – Everyone Sucks Here
- NAH – No A**holes Here
And for most of them, this verdict was a no-brainer:
“NTA. At the end of the day he’s not to person you saw as your father figure. If it’s of interest to you I might suggest trying to find a way to make him feel involved somehow.” —MountainCalendar102
“NTA, I think. You only lived with him for 3 years, correct? It wouldn’t have crossed my mind that he would even expect to do father-of-the-bride type stuff.” —Jazmadoodle
“NTA. Your father is your father. No one can change that just because him and your mom didn’t work out.” —WhiteRhino91
“NTA”
“Your mom and step dad are very selfish. And I’d call them out gently about this.”
“Mom/Step dad, how very awful you made me feel bad about choosing my father, who has been there for me my WHOLE life, to have his rightful role in my wedding. You both sound very entitled about what role step dad would have.”
“I find that very disturbing and I need to take a break from you both right now. I’m giving you time to realize what your actions might make me feel and how this changes our relationship going forward.”
“I would expect an apology. I would expect 0 drama from them and if they bring you any I would cut them off.”
“Certain events bring out the crazy. Weddings, death and babies. Them two need to learn what place they have in your life.” —MissMurderpants
“NTA”
“There’s is no good reason for him to think he would have a role in your wedding.” —John_JayKay
“NTA. You and your sister have a father who was your primary care giver for years and he was active in your lives. He is your father and just because your step dad married your mum and just decided you were his daughters doesn’t make that true or that he deserves equal billing at your wedding.”
“Also your mum is wrong. Showing him the kindness he deserves means treating him respectfully not letting him walk you down the isle.” —Outside-Question
“NTA for making the choice.”
“But huge a**hole move for not explaining it to him before you put it on Facebook. Honestly that was a a**holeish move to make.”
“I don’t get why people would make big decisions like that and not tell the close family before the friends and random people they have on social media.”
“Maybe show a bit more forethought in the future. And go apologise. He may not be your Father, but if he has treated you like his daughter even with how you have treated him, maybe he deserves better.” —bitternerdette
“NTA: it’s a father daughter dance, your father has been in your life and didn’t need replaced by a stepfather. just because you aren’t having him do this with you doesn’t mean you and your sister don’t appreciate him. it’s great he considers y’all as his kids, but that don’t mean he get to be “dad” and everything that comes with it.” —imma-rant-here
“Nta your stepfather sounds a bit entitled. It’s your wedding and you dont have to inform anyone else of the decisions you make. You’ve known this man your whole life , I’ve known my neighbour my whole life, doesn’t mean he will be walking me down the aisle.”
“You have your father in your life , he raised you , so why would you want to hurt his feelings for some guy your mom married.” —Romdowa
Hopefully this family can get it together before the big day.