Economic differences can lead to some awkward conversations with your friends. Sometimes they wonder why you can’t buy something, and it gets uncomfortable explaining. Other times they continuously question why you can’t afford a vacation or college and it gets frustrating.
When Redditor RainbowBackRoads’ friend kept badgering her about her tattered old jacket, she tried to get her friend to stop. But things were pushed so far, the original poster (OP) snapped at her friend.
Now she’s asking “Am I the A**hole” (AITA) whether or not she was justified
“AITA for getting pissed when someone kept pointing out my jackets flaws?”
The story goes like this:
“I’m 18f, I have one jacket, leather jacket ive had for 5+ years.”
“Its f***ed. Its held together with safety pins, staples and pure spite. Its torn, both outside pockets are ripped and my inside pocket has a hole that i keep losing money in.”
“To be fair, I didn’t actually have a jacket before this (lacking parents, grew up in foster care).I Iove it. I also can’t afford a new one so this will do until it can’t”
“I do not, however, like when people point out the issues. One of my classmates kept asking why I dont get a new one when the sleeve is close to falling off and there’s holes everywhere.”
“This friend has a dad who works for a major airline and managed to keep his job and a GP for a mother. She doesn’t really get not being able to afford something.”
“(Example of this is I said I don’t qualify for financial aid for college since I cant declare myself an independent and I don’t have parents to list a parent income and she just said take it out of your savings as if i have any).”
“I told her to stop a few times, and she just kept saying that I get a new one. She’s said the same about other things, especially when she came over to my place.”
“But the jacket one annoyed me since this is the most obvious od the problems. After a while I said ‘If your really want me to get a new jacket, you f***ing pay for it or shut your rich mouth and drop the subject’.”
“She was upset, she called me an asshole and said I shouldn’t have snapped at her. I don’t think I’m an ah here but I may as well get a judgement. AITA?”
On the AITA subReddit, people explain their situation and are judged for how they reacted.
This is done with one of the following:
- NTA – Not the A**hole
- YTA – You’re the A**hole
- NAH – No A**holes Here
- ESH – Everybody Sucks Here
OP said she tried getting her friends to stop commenting on her jacket, but she wouldn’t stop. Her comments about other aspects of finances shows that the friend probably doesn’t understand OP’s situation either.
It might have been a little mean, but the board voted that OP was NTA for snapping at her friend.
“NTA, if you keep poking people with a stick, they will eventually fight back.”
“You asked her to stop, she didn’t, her loss. If she is soooo concerned about your jacket, you are completely right: she can buy you a new one.” – Zayelle
“Def NTA. If she doesn’t want to get snapped at, she needs to learn to respect peoples boundaries. You told her to stop, she didn’t, she faced the consequences.” – mellie0111
“Your friend pushed a sore point way too far. You’d told her to stop several times and she chose not to. She deserved snapping at.”
“What to do next depends on how much you value the friendship. If she’s important to you, apologise for upsetting her but make it damn clear that she has been upsetting you over this for a long time.” – Phil_Oop_North
“NTA. I totally agree with you and would have done the same in your shoes.
“There’s no reason for her to criticize anything in your life. There’s no reason for her to try and tell you to change something if she isn’t gonna help in the change if you the change.”
“Food, clothing, transportation etc… nothing is anyone’s concern unless they are or are ready to be involved. Congrats OP for sticking up for yourself and putting her back in place” – youhidethebody
Other commenters were slightly more sympathetic to OP’s friend. While few comments didn’t vote for NTA, a lot of comments had questions to clarify the situation.
Perhaps the answers to these questions will change some minds.
“NTA. I feel for you and the difficulty you’ve had growing up. People should never criticize others’ clothing, especially if it’s because of the other person’s lack of resources.”
“But having said that, I wonder a couple of things. Aren’t foster parents legally responsible for providing things like weather-appropriate clothing for their charges?”
“Also, there are many places where you can get jackets that are reasonably cheap. You can get some like-new or vintage-look clothing at a thrift shop. And many places such as churches have clothing closets that provide free clothes to people in need.”
“Maybe you live in a country where none of this is possible. But in the places I have lived, there are plenty of ways around this problem.”
“However I’ll return to my original verdict: NTA. Nobody has a right to make fun of or criticize your jacket.” – Weskit
“NTA but also a little AH possibly? She shouldn’t keep pushing but a couple of things:”
“1. Context matters to gather intentions. Is she poking fun and if so, playfully or maliciously or is she genuinely encouraging you to buy a new jacket because she cares?”
“I mention this because if the friendship is mostly sarcastic, facetious, poking fun at each other in a lighthearted way, then the friend may not realize it’s a (I assume) sensitive subject for OP.”
“2. OP basically said friend is oblivious to hardship because of her environment. If that’s true, has OP had an open conversation about not being able to afford a new jacket?”
“I assume not based on the savings account convo in which case, the friend isn’t an AH, they are just unaware. If the OP has had that conversation with the friend and the friend continues to bring it up, then agreed friend is the AH.” – Prestigious_Force112
“I’m wondering about this too. OP said that the friend has been over to their place, so clearly they are actually friends.”
“I can see friends being like ‘damn, girl your busted up jacket is getting really busted up. Time to get a new one!’”
“And I could also see her getting worried about OP not having the money, but she doesn’t want to be straightforward and just ask why OP hasn’t gotten a new one, so instead she just keeps hinting at it in an annoying way. Or like you said, she’s just literally that oblivious and doesn’t understand why OP doesn’t just use money to buy a new one.” – cyanidelemonade
Understanding of another person’s financial situation is necessary for empathy in today’s world. While it’s not expected for you to know intimate details your friend may not want to share, it’s pretty simple to glean information based on their responses to situations.
If your friend has a tattered old jacket they keep wearing after you suggest they buy a new one, they either can’t afford a new one, or are very attached to it. Either way, if you keep trying to suggest they buy a new one, you can’t be surprised when they snap at you.