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White Man Refuses To Visit Dad On Death Bed Because Mom Doesn’t Want His Black Wife And Kids There

Photo by Icons8 Team/Unsplash

Family can be a real problem.

They are the ones who are suppose to support you and love you.

But sometimes family makes everything difficult in ways you couldn’t have imagined.

Case in point…

Redditor PowerStrike0 wanted to discuss his story for some feedback. So naturally he came to visit the “Am I The A**hole” (AITA) subReddit.

He asked:

“AITA for not visiting my father on his death bed?”

The Original Poster (OP) explained:

“I (34 M[ale], white) have 3 kids with my wife (30 F[emale], black).”

“I love them all to death.”

“My parents are ‘uncomfortable’ with my lifestyle.”

“And even though they met my wife and kids, they never approved of my family.”

“My father died two weeks ago.”

“Before that, my mother called me and asked me to come over, because my dad wanted to see me for the last time.”

“I said I’d come the next morning, but then my mom said that I should come alone and not bring ‘those people’ with me, as per my father’s last wish.”

“I completely lost it, called them both racist and told my mom I won’t be coming over.”

“Two days ago at the funeral, my mother called me un ungrateful son, a disgrace to the family, and my siblings told me to just leave and let it go.”

“Later I got texts from a bunch of family members, calling me an AH for letting my father die alone and breaking my mom’s heart.”


Redditors shared their thoughts on this matter and weighed some options to the question AITA?:

  • NTA – Not The A**hole
  • YTA – You’re The A**hole
  • NAH – No A**holes Here
  • ESH – Everyone Sucks Here

Redditors declared our OP was NOT the A**hole.

It’s a tricky situation.

Let’s hear some thoughts…

“NTA. He made his racist bed, he can die alone in it.”  ~ mrsv98

“Yeah, OP.”

“Good for you for standing up to this racist old coot.”

“Your kids and wife don’t deserve such venom.”

“I’m sorry that your parents did this to you. I’m so sorry.”

“By the way, this is not a ‘lifestyle,’ this is your family.”

“They can take their hypocritical bible quoting f**kery and shove it.”

“Sending you hugs.”  ~ bvibviana

“Your mom will be fine, everyone knows racist people don’t have hearts.”

“You, on the other hand… are they not aware that by rejecting you and your wife and children so callously, and doubling down even while your father was dying.”

“They’ve broken your heart not just once but thousands of times?”

“I guess your dad liked that hill so much he had to die on it.”  ~ Morose_Idealist

“Why do you think you’re the butt in this situation?”

“Even facing death your father couldn’t see the error of his ways.”

“Out of curiosity, did you go to the funeral?”

“NTA by way.”

“Also just my two cents, block all of the AHS.”

“They’re showing you who they are, if you didn’t already know.”  ~ Reading4Drama

“I’m mixed and my mother was disowned by her family (save for her youngest sister) when she married my father.”

“I never knew her side of the family until I was 10 and my grandfather died and my aunts forced my racist ‘grandmother’ to ‘let us back into the family’… basically f**k them all.”

“They are stupid for thinking that the amount of melanin/melanocytes has anything to do with the inherit value a human has for existing.”

“Racists are the dumbest f**king people b/c they cannot see or think outside of their tiny little bubble…”

“YOU DID THE RIGHT THING! NTA!”  ~ mulans_goat

“I am so sorry for this, OP.’

“It is God-awful that some people are like that.”

“It’s one reason my ex is now my ex; he was ruthless when my daughter was pregnant with a mixed baby.”

“That baby was born 2 months early (lot of stress in that pregnancy), and baby and mom lived with us for a year.”

“By year 2 I got a divorce, and daughter was on her own.”

“But that a**hole ex was a racist bigot.”

“I love my grandbabies, but I have to admit, I was so worried because I knew there were going to be problems.”

“Well, divorce resolved some of them, and daughter and I worked together to raise her son.”

“Ex has never acknowledged him as his grandson.”

“What a disgusting pig!”

“I am sorry that such people exist.”

“And I am VERY sorry that your family had to put up with your AH dad.”

“Good of you to go to the funeral.”

“I am certain my daughter will not go to her dad’s.”

“They haven’t spoken for 25 years now.”  ~ PickleNotaBigDill

“NTA. This is not a ‘lifestyle’ and ‘those people’ are your family and it is sad that your extended family cannot accept them and are willing to engage in and support the blatant racism.”

“You’re better off without them.”  ~ jsodano

“Wow! Your dad didn’t die alone.”

“Your mom was there. Your lifestyle?”

“An interracial marriage is a lifestyle? I don’t blame you.”

“That was a horrible thing to say about your family and to say those people.”

“You tell those family members to eff off.”

“You tell them racists and calling my family names is a disgrace.”

“You protected your family. They are a disgrace.”  ~ mcmurrml

“NTA. Ask each and every family member what they heard.”

“If it’s different tell them the truth. If they know, or find out and double down, make a list of everyone to block and cut contact with.”

“Bonus points if you’re petty and block all their numbers, and make a big Facebook post tagging everyone and go ‘please don’t talk to me about anyone tagged here.'”

“Don’t tell them info about me.”

“Don’t mention me to them.”

“I don’t associate with racists who think it’s okay to tell me that being married to my wife, a black woman, is a ‘lifestyle’ and refuse to respect her, me, or our kids.”

“Make sure you mute them first though.”  ~ Sparkling_Otters

“Oh my! NTA. NTA. NTA.”

“As someone who is the nonwhite person in an interracial marriage, I am so blessed to have decent in laws and a mother in law who tells me she loves me almost every morning via a ‘Good morning’ text lol.”

“I take it for granted that we are interracial because no one in our families makes any kind of mention of it at all, at least not to our face.”

“I wish this for you, but your birth family seems to suck.”

“Best to you and your real family.”  ~ Pugs_and_Drugs4Eva

OP wanted to let us know he’s listening, commenting:

“I’m so happy to hear that you have a good family and also married into a good family.”

“It gives me so much hope for my children and their futures.”

“I found a true family in my in-laws.”

“I have my kicka** sister, and created 3 lovely little humans with the best person I know.”

“All in all, my life is good.”

Reddit continued…

“Ugh, yeah you are beyond NTA here.”

“That behaviour, and towards children?”

“I’d not be able to go play nice either.”

“My petty side would have been asking was he wanting to see me so he could confess his sins and apologise before he died.”

“Because genuine apologies would be the only words I’d listen to from him.”  ~ LJnosywritter

“NTA. Your father chose to die a hateful, racist bigot.”

“That callousness was his fault, not yours.”

“As somebody else in a multi-ethnic marriage who has also disowned his racist family?”

“You’ve done nothing wrong.”

“Just because you’re related to somebody does not mean you have to tolerate their hatred or abuse.”

“And that is precisely what your family is trying to do.”

“So, tell them to pound sand, and continue to live your best life with your wife and kiddos.”

“Also, keep being a kicka** dad and husband.”

“Super proud of you for sticking to your guns, my dude.”  ~ kalashbash-2302

OP responded:

“Thank you so much.”

“We had very little contact as it was, but now we probably won’t talk at all anymore.”

“Nothing more to say.”

“My kids heard my dad’s slurs only once, after that it was pack up and let’s go.”

“And we never visited them again, that was 2 years ago.”

“I’m a white father of 3 black children, and while the world will often be mean to them, I sure as hell won’t partake in it.”

Reddit had thoughts…

“NTA. Your father decided what was important to him, so he lived a racist and died a racist.”

“Seems like your mom is on a similar path.”

“My condolences, I had a mean dad that died recently too, and I know it’s all a very complicated trying to cope with.”  ~ deathwitsh

“NTA the racism needs to end with you and completely cutting racists out is how you do it.”

“Even an occasional little acceptance here and there shows your kids it can be ok in very certain circumstances.”

“It’s very hard to do and even I myself have failed at times.”

“You did the right thing when the right thing was incredibly hard to do.”  ~ toodifficulttodecide

OP, Reddit has your back.

And you are definitely in a rough situation.

There is no perfect way to fix this.

We hope you find peace.