The choices that we make don’t always just affect us.
Particularly when people are dependent upon us, those choices become all the more important.
So what do we do when the decisions we make hurt the people we love most?
That was the issue facing Redditor and Original Poster (OP) Icy-Feature2309 when they came to the “Am I the A**hole” (AITA) subReddit for judgment.
In a now-deleted post, she asked:
“AITA for telling my brother he moved too fast for the outcome he ultimately wanted?”
OP began with a brief history.
“My brother (39m) has a daughter Piper (15f).”
“When Piper was 4, her mom died.”
“My brother told Piper so much about her, and they had some special photos of her mom that were treasured.”
Then the problems began.
“When Piper was 6, she started being teased by this girl call Nancy (15f now).”
“It continued on for over a year and ultimately came to a head when Nancy tore up a photo of Piper’s mom that Piper brought into school for some show-and-tell family edition her class was doing.”
“From that day on, Piper did not like Nancy.”
Then things got complicated.
“Because of that incident, my brother and Nancy’s mom met.”
“They became friends, and a few months after the incident where Nancy tore up the photo, they started dating, and they married a year later.”
“Piper pulled away from my brother when she found out he was dating Nancy’s mom and even more when they moved in together and got married.”
“Nancy was actually happy and tried to get close to Piper.”
“But Piper wanted nothing to do with that.”
“Nancy’s mom mentioned how being sisters would mend the rift, and I thought that was kind of crazy given what went down.”
“My brother only mentioned to me recently that he really thought Piper and Nancy would be sisters and would be close by now.”
“But Piper doesn’t want anything to do with Nancy still and doesn’t trust her around anything important.”
OP tried to explain her view of things.
“I told my brother that’s because he moved too fast to get that kind of relationship with them.”
“I said he and his wife started dating, and Nancy hadn’t even apologized, and then Piper was still upset about who he was dating and Nancy being in her life more when they got married.”
“I told him at no point did he try to make what happened better for Piper.”
“He thought his marriage license would somehow erase the hurt Piper felt and the bullying Nancy put Piper through for more than a year.”
“I said MAYBE if he had given it time, let Nancy apologize, and given the girls space where they weren’t living together to interact outside of school, things could have happened.”
“But you had one child who was hurt and angry and another who was eager to have a dad and sibling after only having her mom.”
“My brother said I expected him to let Piper dictate his life.”
“I said no, not what I said. I said if he wanted Piper to be happy and embrace Nancy as a sibling, then he should have taken things more slowly to get that outcome.”
“He told me it was none of my business and I was overstepping and just his little sister.”
She was left to wonder,
Having explained the situation, OP turned to Reddit for judgment.
Redditors weighed in by declaring:
- NTA – Not The A**hole
- YTA – You’re The A**hole
- NAH – No A**holes Here
- ESH – Everyone Sucks Here
Redditors decided: NTA
Some were stunned by the brother’s choice of partner.
“Your brother began dating and married the mother of his daughter’s school bully? Isn’t this the plot of a 90s horror movie?” ~ IntelligentAge4263
“If it were a modern movie, they’d have a ridiculously overblown feud full of escalating pranks.”
“But because they’re a man and a woman, they realize their commonalities and fall in love at the end.”
“But honestly, how could you befriend, let alone date, a parent who was raising a child that thought it was ok to tear up the photo of another kid’s dead mom.”
“7-year-olds make a lot of mistakes, but this isn’t ‘sorry I was a jerk and made fun of Piper’s outfit.”’ ~ fire2374
“I have a daughter, and having any kind of friendship with the parent of a kid who bullied her would be a non-starter. This dad either has huge blinders on due to loneliness, or he is a huge AH.” ~ IntelligentAge4263
Others were more direct in their judgment.
“He shoved aside his daughter’s feelings for his own personal happiness.”
“I think it’s incredibly gross he even started being friends with the parent of his daughter’s bully, much less dating and then marrying her.”
“Did they tell this lovely how they met story at the wedding? He’s probably permanently damaged his relationship with his daughter.”
“And your brother is the one who brought it up, and you didn’t just say this out of nowhere.”
“If it wasn’t your business, then maybe he shouldn’t have been talking about it with you. He’s just mad you called out his bullsh*t.” ~ BetterDay2733
“So many people imagine that if they construct a fantasy, it will become a reality just because they want it to.”
‘”My brother said I expected him to let Piper dictate his life.'”
“He gets to dictate hers, but he’s not prepared to show her any consideration at all.”
‘”He told me it was none of my business and I was overstepping and just his little sister.'”
“Why did he talk to you about it? What he really means is, “What didn’t you tell me what I wanted to hear?” ~ diminishingpatience
“Bro really said, ‘You expect me to change my lifestyle just because I have a kid?’”
“YES DUMMMY YESSSSS, you had a kid, so yes, she does currently dictate your life, at least until she turns 18.”
“Sorry your life gets put on pause when you have a kid” ~ Flyingpizza20
Commenters were concerned for Piper.
“Oh my god……… Poor Piper.” ~ greenrosechafer
“I can’t help but think what the little girl must be feeling.”
“The other girl tore up her mother’s picture – and her father, instead of reassuring her feelings and respecting his dead wife, went on and married that kid’s mother.”
“This only cemented to Piper how her mother is being completely replaced.”
“Absolutely sh*tty of a parent to do – just outright disgusting” ~ Spiritual_Shame_1711
This didn’t bode well for Piper’s future relationship with her father.
“Your brother sucks and needed to hear it.”
‘”Being sisters will mend the rift”‘
“is the kind of bullsh*t rationalization people make when they don’t want to face how disgusting it is that they are bringing Piper’s bully into her home, into her family.”
“‘My brother said I expected him to let Piper dictate his life.”‘
“Yeah, god forbid a parent be expected to prioritize their child’s wellbeing or anything.”
“What your brother needs to realize is that sure, he can refuse to give a sh*t about his teenage daughter.”
“But Piper is fast approaching the age of legal adulthood, when he can no longer dictate her life.”
“I think he’ll be in for a rude awakening when his daughter drops him just as coldly as he’s dropped her.” ~ crockofpot
One commenter even broke it down to an itemized list.
“Your brother brought it up.”
“You get to offer your opinion, and your opinion was spot on.”
“He meant you overstepped your bounds by offering an opinion he didn’t want to hear, which makes him an even bigger jerk.”
“Your brother sure as hell shouldn’t have dated the other of the child who bullied his child. That’s basic parenting. And basic ethics.”
“Having decided to do so, he should have, as you suggested, taken it slower and prioritized his own child’s needs ahead of his own.”
“Requiring an apology, maybe counseling, and making sure his daughter was okay with it at every step and, if not, ending it.”
“His excuse that he thought they would have gotten over it and become sisters by now is nothing more than a copout to avoid taking responsibility for his failure as a parent to do the right thing for his daughter at multiple steps along the way.”
“What an ignorant, dumb excuse for doing nothing.”
“Your brother apparently doesn’t understand that he is the parent and she is the child.”
“He’s independent, and she’s dependent on him.”
“That it’s his job to raise her and doing that right with her best interests in mind absolutely means he’ll have to make some sacrifices along the way instead of thinking only of his needs and satisfaction.”
“Your brother is awful.” ~ Curious-One4595
The choices that we make do not always just affect us.
When our decisions do damage to the physical or emotional well-being of those who rely on us, we must consider the full implications of those actions.
Before we take those actions.