One always wants to be there for their family when they find themselves going through a hard time.
And it’s nice to think that those same family members you helped out would also be there for you if need be.
But that sadly simply isn’t always the case.
Redditor JuanitaaRodriguez and his sister both found themselves going through difficult situations, which also affected how they raised their children.
But while the original poster (OP) opened up his home to his sister in an effort to help him, she did not repay his generosity.
This led to a heated situation, resulting in the OP asking his sister to move out.
But concerned he made too drastic a decision, the OP took to the subReddit “Am I the A**Hole” (AITA), where he asked fellow Redditors:
“AITA for throwing my sister and her son out of my house?”
The OP first shared how he and his sister both recently became single parents, for different reasons, and how he made an effort to help his sister.
“I (35 M[ale]) am a single father of 3 boys (10, 7 and 3).”
“Their mother died last year due to ovarian cancer.”
“It has been a rough year to say the least.”
“My sister got divorced 6 months ago and temporarily moved in with me and the boys.”
“She has a son, my nephew (9), who stays with us most of the time.”
“My nephew and my 10 year-old (YO) are not the best of friends, but so far they got along fine apart from some teasing from both sides.”
However, the OP noticed that his nephew’s behavior eventually grew to a bit more than teasing.
“A few weeks ago my 10 YO started telling me that his cousin was bullying him and being mean to him.”
“He called him names, pushed him around, took his video games etc…”
“I talked to my sister many times and told her to talk to her son, we talked to the boys together and things settled down.”
But the lesson didn’t sink in for the OP’s nephew, which was sadly discovered on what should have been a somber, but joyous day for everyone present.
“Yesterday was my 3 YO’s birthday, so my whole family was here and my late wife’s family as well.”
“It was extremely emotional for everyone, because it was the first birthday since my wife’s been gone.”
“The boys (10 YO and 9 YO) started fighting again and I asked them both to calm down and behave.”
“My son started crying and told me his cousin teased him about him not having a mom.”
“I choked up and asked my nephew if that was true, and he said yes, but that he’s sorry.”
“I figured I’d have a proper talk with him and my sister after the party, so I just told him what he said was really awful and he cannot say it again.”
“I comforted my son and we went back to the party.”
However, the OP’s sister wasn’t at all pleased by the exchange he had with her son, and had a few choice words for him as well.
“Before we cut the cake, my sister came yelling at me, saying I had no business disciplining her child.”
“I told her to drop it and we’ll talk later.
“Instead, she said ‘Besides, he’s right, kids need a mom’.”
“I had tears in my eyes by that time and she just said ‘see, it’s even turning you into a pussy’.”
“My in-laws were crying, I was tearing up, the kids were upset, just awful.”
“I told her to stop it and just leave me and the kids and the family to cut the cake and we will talk in the evening.”
“She said ‘listen we both lost our spouses, but at least I’m still a normal person’.”
“She stormed off.”
“After the party I told her she has 2 days to pack her sh*t and leave.”
“She is begging me not to throw her out, because she and her kid will be homeless.”
The OP shared a few details in the comments.
“So far she hasn’t started packing. If she doesn’t go tomorrow, my lawyer will write her a proper eviction notice and I will wait out the 30 days.”
“My boys can spend some more time at my in-laws and if there’s no other option, we’ll take a short trip together or something. She won’t be around them anymore. Either that or I will just pay for her to stay in a f’king hotel for a month. Just to get her out.”
“My nephew will go stay with his dad for now, and from what he told me on the phone, he’ll be pursuing full custody. I just gave them 2 days, because the dad lives in another state and can’t be here to pick the boy up in a matter of hours or something.”
“My nephew’s dad is a great man and I really believe he will do what’s right for his kid. Her husband filed from divorce, from what he told me, she just became too much.”
“The only reason she got most of the custody was because he moved out of state for a new job and she moved in with me (same town), so it was ‘better for the boy’s stability’.”
“[I gave her 2 days] because I know my nephew’s dad’s schedule and I knew he wouldn’t be able to come pick him up sooner than that. Also my boys went for a sleepover with my in-laws (that was already planned before this sh*tshow) and I knew they’d be out of the house.”
“I can handle her, but she won’t be around my boys a minute longer.”
“She hasn’t apologized. She hasn’t spoken to me all day.”
“AITA for throwing her out?”
Fellow Redditors weighed in on where they believed the OP fell in this particular situation by declaring:
- NTA – Not the A**hole
- YTA – You’re the A**hole
- NAH – No A**holes Here
- ESH – Everybody Sucks Here
There was no doubt in the mind of the Reddit community the OP was definitely not the a**hole for asking his sister to leave his home.
Everyone agreed the OP’s sister was insensitive to his grief and completely out of line, deserving to be thrown out of the house and more.
“Your wife died!”
“That’s significantly different from being divorced.”
“Good job protecting your children from her poisonous attitude.”
“And crying due to grief is hardly being a pussy, so good on you for showing your boys that.” –Zeta8345.
“NTA, what the hell is she talking about? “
“Does she have no sympathy?”
“‘We both lost our spouses’, ma’am you CHOSE to lose yours.”
“And now it sounds like she’s choosing to lose her relationship with you too.”
“She has no right to treat you and your children that way.”
“Anyway, I’m so, so sorry for your loss, and a belated happy birthday to your son.”
“Sending lots of love.” – ColoredGayngels.
“NTA your kids are grieving, you’re grieving, none of you need an inconsiderate and selfish relative in your home telling you how to handle your grief.”
“Especially in front of your kids.”
“You tried to be civil and have the necessary conversation later on, but she insisted and insulted you/your late wife with her comments.”
“And if anyone calls you an a**hole for kicking them out tell them to take her in/how would they feel if she said that about their dead relative.”
“Sorry for you loss, may your wife’s memory be a blessing to all who loved her.” –faefablelark.
“A boundary was not just crossed, it was nuked.”
“I wouldn’t want to talk to that person again, ever.” –Smulch.
“NTA to the tenth power.”
“I would love to know how your sister thinks a ‘normal person’ is supposed to react when their beloved spouse dies.”
“Especially during their child’s birthday, when the spouse has only been dead since last year, following a long illness.”
“You’re reacting quite normally.”
“Your sister, on the other hand, is displaying incredible ingratitude and callousness.”
“I’m not a therapist, but this sounds like malignant narcissism.”
“If that’s normal, then you need to kick the normalcy out of your life.”
“I wouldn’t speak to her again for any reason.”
“And the real kicker is, that even when she’s facing homelessness, she still refuses to even question her own actions.”
“She’s not apologizing.”
“She’s appealing to your sense of pity.”
“After the way she insulted you, I would not even consider allowing her to stay.”
“If CPS is looking for relatives to take your nephew, and there’s no one else, you might consider letting him stay since he apologized.”
“But any visits with his mother should be done with an intermediary and off your property.”
“Although given the fact that he steals from your child, that might not be advisable.” –RighteousVengeance.
“You didn’t both lose your spouses.”
“Her’s still exists, walking around alive.”
“Absolutely not at all the same thing.”
“Her pussy comment and whatnot, nope.”
“She should’ve been way less sh*tty if she was concerned about being homeless with her child.”
“Instead, she was rude and inconsiderate and judgmental and heartless.”
“You and your kids do not need this extra stress and heartbreak right now.”
“Kick her out and focus on healing and moving forward with your family.” – MadamMarshmallows.
“You both lost your spouses?”
“In front of your in laws?”
“Almost hard to believe this is real since that is so far over the line.”
“Sadly I do believe you.”
“You would be if you kept your sister around your kids while everyone is grieving.” –randolphmd.
The OP later returned to take a moment to thank everyone who took time to comment, especially those who also lost a spouse or loved one, and gave an update on where his familial situation currently stands.
“My mom agreed to take my sister in temporarily, and my nephew is still going to his dad’s because now his dad is saying that there’s no way he’s letting my sister ruin their kid.”
“I want to thank you all for your kind words and all the love and support.”
“Also, to everyone who also shared about losing a loved one, I am so so sorry for your loss.”
“My nephew is supposed to leave tomorrow morning, my mom is picking my sister up right around that time, and my in-laws are bringing my boys back in the evening.”
“We’ll have a little post-birhday thing for my little one when they come.”
“Just me, the boys and my in-laws.”
“Just some ice cream (he said he prefers it over cake) and a few cartoons.”
“One day at a time.”
Here’s hoping that some time away might allow the OP’s sister to reflect on her words, and maybe show more sensitivity towards her brother and nephews going forward.