Paris is often considered a destination on many people’s bucket lists.
Couples plan lifetime trips there.
It can also be expensive to get to and run around in.
So, who wouldn’t want a free honeymoon there?
Redditor Few_Way4190 wanted to discuss his experience and get some feedback. So naturally, he came to visit the “Am I The A**hole” (AITA) subReddit.
He asked:
“AITA for not wanting to hijack my BIL’s honeymoon alongside my wife?”
The Original Poster (OP) explained:
“I (28 M[ale]) have been married to my wife (27 F[emale]) for 2 years now.”
“Financially we’ve both been struggling a bit in the past few years, but our situation is mostly fine now, even though we still live a relatively modest life and we can’t afford to casually go to expensive trips in other countries.”
“Even our honeymoon was ‘only’ a trip to a beach from our country where we’ve been already, and even that cost us quite a lot.”
“My wife’s older brother (33 M) is definitely much wealthier than us and is known for spoiling his now fiancée (30 F) with gifts and expensive trips.”
“My wife definitely commented a couple of times on it, and I could feel she was secretly jealous of it.”
“She and her brother are definitely very close to each other, and he helped us quite a bit during the times we were struggling financially.”
“And he even allowed her to be a bridesmaid at his wedding (even though my wife and my B[rother]-I[n]-L[aw]’s fiancée aren’t really close).”
“Yesterday my BIL announced in front of their family that he wants to reward his sister for putting so much effort into planning his wedding by full-on paying for both of us to go together with him and his fiancée on their honeymoon in Paris for a full week.”
“Before I could say anything, my wife immediately accepted it and hugged her brother.”
“But then his fiancée started going at him about inviting us to their honeymoon without discussing it with her beforehand.”
“And my BIL defended himself by saying he just wanted to help his sister experience something she can’t do on her own.”
“They were arguing when my wife suddenly intervened and told his brother’s fiancée to stop acting like such an entitled brat cause not everyone’s as lucky as her to have a wealthy enough partner to support them.”
“BIL’s fiancée started yelling at my wife about how she’s just a leech to her brother who took over her wedding and now wants to invade her honeymoon too.”
“I eventually got my wife out of there, and on the way out, I told her that maybe it’d be better for us to refuse to go on my BIL’s honeymoon as his fiancée’s clearly uncomfortable with it.”
“She asked me if I was an idiot for wanting to pass up a trip to Paris for free, that she worked way too hard to convince her brother to invite us for her to back up from it now.”
“I told her that maybe she could arrange something else for us, and I don’t want to be the reason a marriage falls apart.”
“But my wife told me their marriage is not our business but theirs, and if it falls apart, it’d be only my BIL’s fiancée’s fault.”
“I told my wife I want no part in this, and I won’t be going on this ‘shared honeymoon.'”
“And she started arguing with me about how she can’t believe I’m acting this way when she only did this for us, and said that she’ll take her brother’s offer without me if she has to.”
“We ended up sleeping in different beds, and even today, my wife’s still giving me the cold shoulder.”
The OP was left to wonder:
“So AITA for my refusal?”
Redditors shared their thoughts on this matter and weighed some options to the question AITA:
- NTA – Not The A**hole
- YTA – You’re The A**hole
- NAH – No A**holes Here
- ESH – Everyone Sucks Here
Many Redditors declared OP was NOT the A**hole.
“NTA. You’re right that this situation is wrong, and your wife is acting aggressive and strange to you and her future S[ister]-I[n]-L[aw].”
“A honeymoon is for the bride and groom.”
“Sit everyone down, thank your BIL, apologize to your BIL’s fiancée (if your wife refuses to do so), and suggest going on a four-person trip sometime after their honeymoon.” ~ analyst19
“This is a voice of reason and manners.”
“SIL is ‘entitled’ to an intimate getaway with her new husband.”
“This is a cultural norm in most places.”
“OP’s wife (and her kind-hearted brother) have poor boundaries.”
“BIL should be putting his wife first in this.”
“OP’s wife needs to be careful about how she expresses her jealousy over her brother’s financial situation.”
“My understanding is the OP is a responsible partner, diligently attending to their financial situation.”
“If that’s true, OP’s wife could help more on their own circumstances, rather than (hopefully accidentally) insulting her spouse’s efforts in front of her family. NTA.” ~ REDDIT
“What the hell did I just read?”
“NTA.”
“I am really baffled that your BIL would announce that without consulting his bride and that your wife would accept even though it upsets the bride – whose happiness and comfort matters most alongside the groom’s on a f… honeymoon.”
“I told my wife I want no part of it.”
“Very smart. What kind of vacation is this going to be?”
“You are either traveling with a very icy couple or a freshly separated BIL.”
“There is no way this would be fun for anyone.”
“You can’t force your wife to reject the gift, obviously, but for your own sake, you shouldn’t go.” ~ HorseFuneralPriest
“NTA. Your wife is showing a really ugly side of herself.”
“There’s no way that (underneath) she doesn’t know that what she is doing is wrong.”
“She is in full-on denial because she both wants to exploit her brother and doesn’t want to feel bad about herself, which means that she has to tell herself that what she is doing is just fine and that anyone opposing her or getting in her way is the AH — that means SIL and now you.” ~ kurokomainu
“NTA. She had to work hard to convince her brother to take her on his honeymoon.”
“WTF is wrong with her?”
“Your wife is acting like a spoiled, selfish brat, and her brother is either stupid or spineless for giving in to her.”
“Think you and your SIL both need to think long and hard about what your futures are going to look like.” ~ booboo773
“NTA. Listen to your inner voice telling you not to go.”
“Your BIL had no business inviting you and your wife to tag along on their honeymoon without discussing it with his bride.”
“That’s not a good start for their marriage!”
“There’s an old saying, ‘If in doubt, DON’T.'”
“Your wife, by the way, sounds very much like the green-eyed monster who throws common sense out the window for a chance to improve her (phony) appearance.” ~ LoveBeach8
“NTA. This is odd.”
“Why is your wife taking over their wedding arrangements?”
“Does she discuss them with BIL and his fiancée?”
“The comment from the fiancée implies not.” ~ Lucky-Effective-1564
“Your wife is showing her true colors.”
“She is a hateful, jealous person, and she doesn’t care about her brother.”
“She cares about his money.”
“No sibling who actually cares would pull this s**t.”
“Might want to think about what this means of her as a person.” ~ NaryaGenesis
“NTA, but setting aside the fact that the reality of Paris is not the ideal people think it is, your wife seems like a snake.”
“And your brother was kind of an idiot to prioritize his sister’s feelings over his wife’s.”
“Honestly, other than you and your (potential) future SIL–everyone else in here is an a**hole.” ~ Tylanthia
“NTA – so many things that made me cringe – she ‘worked too hard’ to convince him to invite and pay for you both to go on their honeymoon?”
“I feel like there is a Reddit post somewhere from BIL’s fiancé about her selfish SIL inviting herself on her honeymoon.”
“Next… she said in front of everyone how not everyone is lucky enough to have a partner who can spoil her etc.”
“How hurtful is that to say in front of said partner and in front of everyone?”
“And their marriage is on them. Who cares if it falls apart as long as I get my way? Ick.”
“Major ick. And an idiot?”
“This irks me because I don’t care how bad the fight is, I hate name-calling.”
“Your wife is an absolute spoiled witch.” ~ throwthetrollaway12
“NTA. I’m sort of in a similar position with my brother being VERY wealthy, and I’m barely managing to exist while I care for our elderly parents, and he contributes nothing to their care (Sorry. My own anger showing through).”
“Still, I love my brother and SIL and try not to begrudge their hard work and very smart financial choices.”
“But I’d never be okay with joining them on a vacation if both my brother and SIL weren’t in agreement.”
“I’m not entitled to a penny of their money, and your wife isn’t entitled to a penny or a vacation.” ~ crazymastiff
“NTA. It isn’t even BIL’s idea?”
“Your wife has been relentlessly guilting her brother to let you guys crash their HONEYMOON.”
“This is ugly!”
“It also has an additional creepy vibe that your wife seems upset that she’s no longer her brother’s favorite girl. 🤮” ~ JohnRedcornMassage
N”TA. You should call your BIL and say you appreciate the gesture but feel the timing of joining his honeymoon isn’t great.”
“That you would be happy to accept a future trip at a different time so he and his wife can enjoy their honeymoon without family present.”
“It’s one thing to treat someone, and it’s another to invite people to your honeymoon.” ~ ms_sinn
“NTA. Your wife is delusional to even think of going on he brother’s honeymoon, and her brother is delusional for inviting her without talking to his bride.”
“Let them go to Paris, and you and his ex-bride-to-be can go to the beach.”
“Don’t go!” ~ MorgainofAvalon
“Please for the love of God, don’t go.”
“It will be humiliating for your BIL’s wife and for you.”
“You don’t want any part in this.”
“Your wife is weird tagging along on someone else’s honeymoon. NTA.” ~ glamourcrow
“Holy mackerel! I can’t imagine anything more emasculating. NTA.”
“I’m sorry that you have a wife who would see this sort of treatment of you and not even understand why it would make you uncomfortable.”
“NTA. Do not go on this trip.” ~ whistleDick52
Well, OP, Reddit is with you.
It seems best to let the happy couple go on this trip alone.
Good luck trying to explain that to your wife.