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Redditor Gives Wife Cold Shoulder After She Lost Her Wedding Ring And Didn’t Say Anything

groom putting a ring on bride's finger
AngelIce/Getty Images

In most Western style wedding ceremonies, rings are exchanged by the couple or—in some cases—a ring is given only to the bride.

A variation of “with this ring, I thee wed” is usually said. The officiant may also state the ring is a symbol of the couple’s union or unending love.

But what happens when that symbol gets lost?

A husband whose wife lost her wedding ring turned to the “Am I The A**hole” (AITA) subReddit for feedback on his reaction.

TrickyTangle asked:

“AITA for giving my wife the silent treatment when she lost her wedding ring?”

The original poster explained:

“Yesterday night my wife lost her wedding ring. She took it off during her weekly martial arts class.”

“Didn’t look for it until she got home, found out the ring must have fallen out of her training bag somewhere between the gym and home. Didn’t tell me she’d lost her ring, I found out from my kids instead.”

“Her wedding ring has strong sentimental value to me.”

“I bought us matching gold bands when we married, and each year on our anniversary I go to a jeweller and have one diamond set into the band. Number fourteen was added a few months ago.”

“It’s quite literally irreplaceable.”

“She’d come home while I was getting dinner ready, and she went straight to have a shower.”

“When my kids told me she’d lost her ring, I immediately went searching for it. Emptied the training bag, checked the car, came up empty handed.”

“I didn’t say anything at dinner. She didn’t say anything either.”

“We both went to bed without speaking.”

“I woke up this morning, made the lunch boxes for our kids, got ready for work, and she got up as I was leaving and asked me if I’m upset. I said I was upset about the ring, and left.”

“The ring is a thing, not a person, and therefore not as important as my wife or our relationship.”

“But it’s also a symbol, full of meaning, and it’s infuriating to know it’s gone and she didn’t take better care of it, put it in her purse or somewhere more secure than rolling around loose in a gym bag.”

“AITA for giving her the cold shoulder?”

Redditors weighed in by declaring:

  • NTA – Not The A**hole
  • YTA – You’re The A**hole
  • NAH – No A**holes Here
  • ESH – Everyone Sucks Here

Redditors weren’t sympathetic to the OP and declared him the a**hole (YTA).

“YTA, as you’ll hear many times here, adults don’t give adults the silent treatment, they communicate. Yes, the ring is special, you can feel upset about it, but how do you know your wife doesn’t also feel really bad about it?”

“Maybe she’s planning on going to the gym later to look, or look in the car? You don’t know because you’re too busy having a sulky tantrum to talk.”

“Maybe she didn’t say anything because she knew you’d react this way.” ~ Halatir

“My wife lost her wedding set last month. We tore the house and cars apart looking for it – still have no clue what happened to it.”

“She thinks she took it off to wash her hands at work and might have left it on the sink where someone walked off with it. We’ll never know.”

“That weekend, I took her to our local jeweler (a small mom & pop shop) and bought a her new set.”

“OP here didn’t even give his wife a chance to tell him. She was in the shower (absolutely not unreasonable after a martial arts class).”

“And he’s a Devil for treating her like this. I dislike ill-wishing upon others, but OP doesn’t deserve to be in a relationship if he’s this immature.” ~ doomspark

“YTA. She went straight inside and showered instead of immediately sprinting to you at full steam to tell you?”

“Your kids told you though immediately which means as soon as she realised she was upset and it was lost she told the kids because she was upset and fretting about it. She is likely thinking it’s not lost but just in her bag or might turn up.”

“Maybe everyone knew how you would respond?”

“Imagine your wife passed away or divorced you? You could hang onto that ring forever and never be able to do a thing with it except look at it and wallow in misery.”

“Go say sorry and help her try and find it.” ~ RelativeOne8167

“I have a feeling OP’s wife knew he’d be an a**hole about having lost the ring, so was keeping quiet about it in the hopes she could somehow find it before he found out.”

“She hadn’t even had a chance to check back where she took the class—perhaps it had been found and she could escape the drama entirely.” ~ VividFiddlesticks

“…’it’s also a symbol, full of meaning, and it’s infuriating to know it’s gone and she didn’t take better care of it’.”

“A symbol of what? Of a relationship where she is scared to tell you things, because she’ll know you stop speaking to her when you’re upset?”

“Why don’t you take better care of your relationship rather than ignoring her and making her feel worse when she must already feel bad.” ~ DrunkOnRedCordial

Losing wedding rings is apparently quite common, but the OP’s behavior is not.

“I can’t find a shred of logic or reason in intentionally damaging the actual relationship in response to (or more accurately, as a punishment for) his wife accidentally losing a symbol of it.”

“Frankly, if OP is incapable of expressing his feelings and communicating like a grown up after 15 years of marriage, the loss of the wedding band seems to perfectly symbolize their relationship as it stands now.” ~ thebuffaloqueen

“I’ve lost my wedding ring twice. The first time I had actually taken it off in my sleep and it was in the bed. I thought I had lost it at the club my spouse and I were at earlier in the night.”

“We went back there and of course it wasn’t there. I pulled the sheets back to get into bed and there it was right by my pillow.”

“The second time, I was at an aquarium doing an ‘otter encounter’ which included feeding fish to an Asian Small Clawed otter. Rules said to remove all jewelry from your hands so I put all my rings ( I wear 4 including my wedding ring) in my pocket.”

“When I was leaving, I had my other 3 rings in there, no wedding ring. I came back the next day and they had found it by the sink where I washed my hands, it didn’t actually end up in my pocket at all.”

“I was so relieved that no one had taken it or worse the otter had somehow found it and eaten it. Both times my spouse had a far cooler head about it than I did.”

“No one wants to lose or have to replace a sentimental piece that is symbolic to their relationship and costs thousand(s) of dollars. But my spouse didn’t have a petty a** tantrum about it.” ~ Fingersmith30

“I’ve misplaced mine more than once. Found once in the dryer lint trap.”

“I’d be crushed if he got mad without being even willing to talk about it first! Part of being married is figuring that kind of sh*t out together. She didn’t lose it to get back at him or on purpose.” ~ sunshineparadox_

“Yeah, I don’t get why OP assumes it was just rolling loose in the gym bag—he’s claiming that’s part of why he’s mad. Considering he’s giving her the silent treatment, he actually has no idea if she had it on while exercising or not.”

“And even in her purse, something could get lost. Or like you said, it happened in the shower.”

“Or hell it could have got lost where the wife works. There’s so many possibilities.” ~ NoApollonia

“I lost my wedding ring last month. I took it off to scrub into surgery and left it in my scrub pocket.”

“The hospital laundry hasn’t been able to locate it. I waited 3 weeks to tell my husband because I was calling the laundry service and hospital facilities dept. 3x a day trying to track it down.”

“Dude needs to give her a freaking second to attempt to find it before he treats her like garbage.” ~ Mkrager

“I wonder if she even lost it. The kids told him, no mention of their age or how they would know it’s lost.”

“Dude got so mad about something he didn’t even confirm before he’s having a toddler tantrum over it.”

“He checked her bag and dug through her stuff without permission, it could be in her purse or something and he wouldn’t even know because he’s refusing to use his words.” ~ Sad-Bug6525

“There’s a reason the wife didn’t want to tell him she’d lost the ring. I wonder how he usually reacts to bad news.”

“My late FIL lost his wedding ring two days after the wedding in the sea on honeymoon. It simply became a funny family story.”

“My husband thought he’d lost his ring when shaking his hands dry in the bathroom of a Russian hotel. He was crawling around for ages searching. Again, part of family folklore.”

“Because none of us value stuff more than people or relationships.” ~ CriticalSimple3122

“I know more than one person who has lost their wedding ring. Both relatively soon after the wedding.”

“They felt terrible without their respective partners giving them the silent treatment. Mistakes happen.”

“This is an expensive mistake but not something done out of spite. OP should apologize for the silent treatment just like his wife apologized for losing the ring.” ~ pnutbuttercups56

“My mom lost her wedding ring. You know what my dad did? He got her a new one.”

“‘It’s quite literally irreplaceable’.”

“It quite literally isn’t, my dude. It’s a ring.”

“And why is it that you don’t seem to have considered that someone might’ve stolen it from your wife’s bag?” ~ millihelen

“It’s 100% replaceable. Wedding bands with little diamonds around the whole band are literally everywhere.”

“Guy wants to throw the entire marriage out over a lost ring. Good for him. She deserves better.” ~ shenaystays

People felt the OP’s behavior was inappropriate and unjustified. 

“Such a d*ck, use your words like a grown up.” ~ NecessaryCaptain3656

“I’ve said it before and I’ll say it again.”

“When you make the decision to ‘punish’ your partner, like they’re a child or a pet, you’ve just proven that you don’t respect them, and you may as well break up.”

“If you can’t communicate without resorting to this messed-up dynamic, your relationship is dead in the water.” ~ GaimanitePkat

The OP provided no responses or updates after being declared the a**hole by Reddit.

Hopefully he decided to speak to his wife about how he’s feeling as his original reaction was universally condemned by outside parties.

Written by Amelia Mavis Christnot

Amelia Christnot is an Oglala Lakota, Kanien'kehá:ka Haudenosaunee and Metís Navy brat who settled in the wilds of Northern Maine. A member of the Indigenous Journalists Association, she considers herself another proud Maineiac.