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Dad Claps Back At Wife For Mocking Their 3-Week-Old Baby’s ‘Middle Eastern’ Features

A couple holds their baby and looks on lovingly
Morsa Images/Getty Images

Depression is more a part of the birthing process than people like to admit.

So much happens emotionally, physically and hormonally while life goes into a complete upheaval.

Depression can cause people to act out in ways they never would think possible.

That’s why choosing words carefully is so important.

Case in point…

Redditor Pizza-lover-13 wanted to discuss his experience and get some feedback. So naturally, he came to visit the “Am I The A**hole” (AITA) subReddit.

He asked:

“AITA for going off on my wife for commenting about our 3-week-old daughter’s looks?”

The Original Poster (OP) explained:

“My daughter, our second child, is three weeks old.”

“Pre pregnancy, my wife was diagnosed with general anxiety disorder and depression.”

“And in the days since birthing our baby girl, is most definitely experiencing post-partum depression.”

“Our first child, our son, looks very much so like her.”

“In fact, if you look at baby photos of my wife, they look almost exactly like our son’s baby photos.”

“And my wife is is a looker, so my son is damn cute thank you very much.”

“Our daughter got a bit more of my side’s gene pool.”

“Her hairline kinda has a widow’s peak (which I’ve had since I was a baby).”

“Her lips are relatively thin (like me).”

“Her nose is a little larger than our sons was (I have a Middle Eastern classic hook nose).”

“Nearly every day in my daughter’s 21 days on this earth, my wife has made a comment to baby girl about how she’s so sad she got daddy’s features.”

“Some of the other things wife has said to baby girl:”

“Don’t worry, I’ll get you a nose job as soon as you’re old enough.”

“I wish you had gotten more of my features.”

“My family is beautiful and all the women are timeless.”

“Your dad’s family, not so much.”

“[Son] has the beautiful pouty lips and you got stuck with those pencil lips – oooh it’s really tough being a girl.”

“Up until yesterday, I was taking a softer approach with comments like – ‘ok be nice’ and ‘ok chillax.'”

“But today I had enough and just snapped and yelled at her for like five minutes straight, and I cursed quite a bit too.”

“The gist of my statements were:”

“I don’t care if she can’t yet understand what you’re saying, stop putting that sh*t out into the universe.”

“[Son] can understand you, so stop this garbage.”

“I can understand you, so stop putting this sh*t in my head and making me listen to it.”

“Yea life on girls is tough in this world, especially when their mom is shi**ing all over their appearance.”

“She’s f**king three weeks old and is still perfect and noble and hasn’t hurt a go**amn soul.”

“Stop projecting onto her.”

“You regularly tell me how your mom f**ked up your psyche with all her comments about your appearance so why the f**k are you doing the same to baby girl?”

“Anyways she was understandably hurt by my comments and we haven’t really talked about it or debriefed since.”

“I recognize that part of her comments stem from her anxiety/depression as well as her post-partum depression.”

“And I also recognize there a lot of this stems from her mom’s influence on her psyche.”

“I also recognize that yelling and berating people is rarely the right thing.”

“So AITA here?”

Redditors shared their thoughts on this matter and weighed some options to the question AITA:

  • NTA – Not The A**hole
  • YTA – You’re The A**hole
  • NAH – No A**holes Here
  • ESH – Everyone Sucks Here

Many Redditors declared OP was NOT the A**hole.

“NTA. Who promises a three week old plastic surgery because they take after their father?”

“She needs to talk to a professional.”

“NTA and congratulations for your baby.”  ~ DoIwantToKnow6417

“This sounds like some post-partum to me, especially if this is unlike her normal behavior.”

“I recently had my sister (literally the most loving person I know, incredibly understanding of boundaries, etc) snap at me for not wanting to go over while sick.”

“Like, incredibly out of proportion snap, it was off-the-wall.”

“She also gave birth a couple months ago, after having a very difficult pregnancy/birth only the year before.”

“P[ost]-P[artum] D[epression] can make you act totally out of character and is something worth getting checked.”

“It’s possible that having a daughter is triggering some of these old wounds that OP’s wife got from her own mother.” ~ Uma__

“I’ve been with some women who also had some damage from their mom and/or grandmother.”

“Those are some deep wounds.”

“Couple that with post partum and other things, forget about it.”

“OP’s wife needed to be receiving professional help before the pregnancy, possible before the first one, it may just not have all manifested yet so it wasn’t known.”

“That said, I understand where OP is coming from and why he hit the wall he did.”

“It’s hard to be understanding when you think someone thinks you’re ugly and are contributing the physical distaste of your own offspring.”

“You hear superiority, you don’t hear love.”

“I think she needs be looking for some help, but I also think they might need a little together if this is cutting too deep for too long.”

“She may be creating wounds of her own in this relationship.”  ~ Capt0bv10u5

“NTA, regardless of the behavior’s genesis.”

“Every single day since the baby was born she had insulted her and OP and ignored his gentle redirections.”

“No wonder he snapped.”

“Losing his temper wasn’t the best but it is understandable.”

“That said, she needs help and since she doesn’t seem to be addressing it he should help her, for everyone’s sake.”

“But neither childhood abuse nor PPD are a get out of being an a**hole free card and these children need to be protected from her toxicity.”  ~ Curious-One4595

“Part of the problem is that we don’t know if it’s unlike her normal behavior.”

“She’s never had a kid before who looked like her husband and she isn’t necessarily going to comment on how the women in the family look to his face.”

“It’s probably post Partum anxiety/depression but it’s still pretty alarming.”

“NTA OP before I forget lol.” ~ justhewayouare

“I get she may have PPD but she doesn’t have to verbalize her thoughts and keep them to herself.”

“I suggest she/you both get some counseling.”

“It sounds like she needs to do some healing based on her childhood.”

“It may not be the best time to do this while suffering from PPD but if nothing else, she needs to stop saying these things out loud.”

“NTA and congrats on the birth of your beautiful daughter.”  ~ mca2021

“Naw, NTA.”

“I’d be extremely pissed if my partner was saying that sh*t to our child, and I’d let them know.”

“You’re right that berating doesn’t usually ‘work’ but you’re also allowed to have an emotional reaction to your daughter being bullied, especially by your wife/her mom.”

“Time to shut that sh*t down ASAP for your daughter’s sake.”  ~ half_light_8

“It’s horrible. I wish everyone could be proud of their features.”

“It’s something they have inherited from their ancestors, and objectively attractive or not, that’s still pretty damn cool.”

“And instead of making sure her daughter is proud of the way she looks, this woman is already telling her she’s not good enough.”

“And Dad is right.”

“The brother heard it too.”

“He will also grow up to think that his value is in his looks, if this continues.”  ~ Cluelessish

“I really hope she gets help for he PPD and other issues.”

“NTA at all.”

“It’s not healthy for girls (or children in general) that people and especially parents put too much emphasis on their look – not matter how they look.”

“Even if it is to praise their beauty.”

“But even more when it’s the opposite.”

“It can really create damage on the child’s self esteem and self worth.” ~ Elinesvendsen

“She’s literally talking about plastic surgery to her daughter.”

“That is vile.”

“Nip that sh*t in the bud before she’s old enough to understand and develop an inferiority complex.”

“And if your wife finds your features so unattractive, why did she marry you?”

“NTA and your wife is effed up.”  ~ LethargicActionHero

NTA she’s hurt is she?”

“Imagine what it’s going to be like for your daughter when she’s older if her mother keeps up this attitude towards her.” ~ LanaJadee123

“I have a weirdly similar experience to this.”

“I don’t look anything like my mom, more like my dad’s Latino side, and she made comments about my appearance and how unfortunate it was I didn’t get any traits of hers for my entire life.”

“I felt worthless for so many years and it took a long time for me to feel beautiful.”

“My dad was my biggest supporter my entire life and the only one who stood up for me.”

“If it weren’t for him I might still be stuck in that awful pit of self hatred.”

“NTA, not in the slightest, please continue to stand up for your daughter and do everything in your power to stop this behavior from your wife before your girl gets old enough to understand and be hurt by it.”  ~ nerdyhoe

Well OP Reddit is with you.

This is a rough time.

Emotions are high.

You’re allowed to express yours.

Maybe a little counselling is necessary.

Congrats on the baby and good luck.