Every family is different and has their own ways of expressing emotion, showing love, and more.
Sometimes when two families come together, things can get awkward if the families are too different, cringed the “Am I the A**hole?” (AITAH) subReddit.
Redditor SeaContexts, for example, was surprised when his wife came to him, concerned about how intimately he interacted with his sister during their wedding reception.
Because the Original Poster (OP) didn’t see any issue with how he’d treated his sister, he was quick to dismiss his new wife’s concerns.
He asked the sub:
“AITAH? My wife wants me to return my sister’s wedding gift because she thought our sibling dance at our wedding was too intimate.”
The OP was newly married and fond of how it was going so far.
“My wife (26 Female) and I (28 Male) got married a couple of months ago. The wedding was amazing, and we also went on an amazing honeymoon.”
“Everything went great, and we have settled into our nice married life.”
That was until the OP’s wife approached him about some concerns she had.
“However, last night, my wife wanted to talk about something serious. We don’t shy away from expressing our emotions and insecurities to each other.”
“She brought up our wedding and she talked about how my sibling dance with my sister (26 Female) was too intimate.”
“I first thought my wife was joking, but I quickly realized she was serious. I asked her if anyone else at the wedding thought that, and she said no, but because everyone was too scared to say it.”
“I told her that’s a straight-up lie and argued that I have close friends who would have said something if there was a problem, but they didn’t.”
“Everyone had a good time at the wedding, and nothing seemed out of the ordinary.”
The OP felt the sibling dance made total sense at his wedding.
“The sibling dance was actually the ‘mother-son dance’ part of the wedding, but our mother passed away, so I danced with my sister instead.”
“My sister picked all of the songs. She is really articulate with everything she does, and she had a reason for every song she picked.”
“I don’t remember a lot of the details now, but the songs from our wedding were all slow-dancing, and two of the songs my sister picked were ‘At Last’ by Etta James and ‘All of Me’ by John Legend.”
“She picked ‘At Last,’ because that song was played at our parents’ wedding. I’m not sure why she picked ‘All of Me,’ other than the fact that we both really like the song, but I’m sure she had a detailed reason for it and all of the other songs we danced to together.”
“My sister and I have never really shied away from affection. We know some siblings get awkward with that, but we’re the opposite of that. This was as true on my wedding day as any other day in my life.”
But the OP’s wife was still feeling uncomfortable.
“My wife then asked if we could give my sister’s wedding gift back to her as we haven’t used it yet.”
“It’s a La Marzocco GS3 espresso machine, which is by far the most expensive gift we have gotten out of all the gifts.”
“My wife said the gift just made her feel insecure.”
The OP dismissed her.
“I told my wife she was being incompletely irrational, and that’s the most ridiculous thing she has ever said.”
“I was probably a bit crude with my words, but I just thought the whole thing was ridiculous.”
“She then dropped the topic and we carried on like normal. We also used the espresso machine for the first time today, and it’s pretty amazing.”
“Was I an AH for telling my wife she was being ridiculous?”
“AITAH?”
Fellow Redditors weighed in:
- NTA: Not the A**hole
- YTA: You’re the A**hole
- ESH: Everybody Sucks Here
- NAH: No A**holes Here
Many were deeply weirded out by the song choices and the sheer quantity of them.
“Multiple slow dances with your sister IS weird. Full Stop.” – AsparagusOverall8454
“It sounds like your wife is right based on the songs you danced with your sister to. Why was there more than one? Why did you slow dance with your sister to what are obviously very intimate songs traditionally used as bride and groom songs?”
“It sounds to me like your wife is right, but you and your sister just haven’t realized how inappropriate it is (hopefully yet).” – ghjkl098
“First of all, a sibling dance is not a common tradition. I see in your comments that your mother passed away, so I guess that’s the reason you chose to have a dance with your sister as kind of a tribute to your mother? That’s fine, but FYI, mother-son dances are usually one song.”
“So YTA for allowing your sister to select multiple romantic songs that must have gone on for 15 minutes or more while you held each other in a not-so-sibling-like embrace. I think your wife is right that the other guests would be too embarrassed to even bring it up to your face, but trust me, they are probably talking about it behind your back.”
“Maybe your sister is struggling with ‘losing’ you to your wife when she has already lost a mother? I don’t know, but her need for so much attention from you at your wedding is definitely odd.”
“Putting the ick factor aside, the wedding was supposed to be about you and your wife, not you and your sister. So you really should not have allowed your sister to take such a big chunk of the event for your multiple sibling dances.”
“Keep the coffee machine, but don’t dismiss your wife’s observations and feelings about this.” – Used_Mark_7911
“After seeing the songs and seeing that it was multiple love songs that are common to be first dances for the couple I’m like, uhh… I get why the wife felt uncomfortable.”
“Like, how many love song dances did she get with you compared to your sister? I just picture her sitting down with a drink waiting for your (strange, but okay) sibling dance to be over, but then it turns into two, three, four songs… or more… while you hold your sister close and let your wife sit on the sidelines.”
“I don’t know, man, it is weird. Is she a twin or something, OP, or are you guys just grossly codependent? I’m trying to understand why you would even want to have multiple love song dances with your sister in the first place.”
“Also, was this a situation where everyone was sitting as you two danced, or was everyone else dancing? I don’t know, I get the ick reading this, bro, just… I don’t know.” – Cosmo_Cloudy
While some thought there was a time and place for a sibling dance, they said this wasn’t it.
“I’ve seen it once when the father of the bride passed away and she did it with her older brother who was about 10 years older than her. She hugged him tight the entire time but no one found it weird, just a big brother being there for his sister for what was probably a hard moment.” – Decent-Trip-1776
“I could see it happening and not be weird. Reason: My family TALKS. There ain’t no slow and silent nothing.”
“If there’s some flavor of slow dance, and somehow family is the dance partner, we basically chat the entire time. That drove my nephew’s wife nuts on their wedding night. Lol (laughing out loud).” – TheScalemanCometh
“Yeah, the song choice is what threw me off. I am very close with my siblings, so the thought of a siblings dance is honestly so sweet, especially if they aren’t close with their parents.”
“But you would think that the song choice would be something less romantic. Can’t get anymore romantic than ‘At Last,’ lol (laughing out loud), like, yeah, that makes it weird.”
“Also, multiple dances? Like, I figured the dance would be like how it is when the bride dances with her dad. But this… I don’t know, man.” – ohsheetitscici
“I’m not sure why anyone would think it as normal or okay to slow dance with their sister, especially to these songs. Especially at her or my wedding. Especially in front of my wife or her husband. The OP is definitely the AH.” – TheCosmicFailure
“Considering the song choices, it’s definitely creepy. Not that I would, but if I had a brother and sister dance at my wedding, I’d purposefully pick something funny or a song that would evoke something funny.”
“I can’t remember the song but my dad has an old recording of me and my sister ‘dancing’ to a Depeche Mode song (can’t remember which one), but we basically just ran around the living room in a circle. That would be hilarious for my parents and me and my sister and also isn’t almost incestuously creepy.”
“I’d probably ask my sister if we can just recreate that old recording and run around the dance floor in circles again. That is if the thought of doing that as an adult didn’t make me cringe a lot.”
“Look at me, putting more thought into what metaphorical song I’d dance to with my siblings than the OP did for his wedding day.” – Sibeo91
Others made jokes about the coffee machine amidst the absurdity.
“They should just marry the sister and then they can keep the present. That’s the simplest solution where they keep a wife and the present. No embarrassment about giving the gift back. Problem solved.” – m_0_rt
“Yeah I don’t know, you’ve been close with your sibling your entire life, and your new wife is making it weird? I’m sorry, but it sounds like a wife issue to me. Keep the coffee maker.” – CrossXFir3
“Big YTA. Enjoy thinking of your sister every time you use your expensive espresso machine.” – giveme25atleast
“This whole post feels like a rage bait ad for the coffee machine.” – In_The_Cloud
“It would be insulting for you to return the gift to your sister, but it’s also not worth causing a rift with your new wife.”
“The right thing to do is to give me the Marzocco. That’s a nice machine!” – Libs4trump
Not only was the subReddit creeped out by what they had just read, but they were even more creeped out by the fact that the OP could not see what the issue here was and couldn’t see where his wife was coming from at all.
One song would have been fine, to honor their sibling relationship and the memory of their mother, but a far different song should have been chosen.
Plus, the fact that the OP could only remember two songs suggested that there were far more sibling dances that night and not nearly enough newlywed highlights.