We all have habits that we aren’t proud of.
Whether it’s talking over someone else or forgetting to put the milk away there’s always some aspect of our behavior that could use adjustment.
So what happens when you see one of these failings in a loved one and after you mention it to them, they blame you for allowing it to continue.
That was the issue facing Redditor and Original Poster (OP) Least_Interaction529 when he came to the “Am I the A**hole” (AITA) subReddit for judgment.
AITA for telling my wife to wear a hairnet when she cooks.
OP began with overall problem.
“I love my wife, but she does not understand how gross it is to find her hair in my food.”
“I have asked to please stop cooking for me. I am more than happy to cook for us. Or to order out. Delivery. Restaurant. I don’t really care. I just hate finding her hair in my food.”
“She says she likes to cook. And she promised to tie her hair back. And she does. For a week.”
“Then she ‘forgets'”.
“I find her hair in cookies, soups, salad, pasta, pizza.”
“It must be intentional at this point.”
Then he got to the specific event involved.
“This was our first time hosting Thanksgiving.”
“I begged her to please allow me to make the food and she could spend the day watching football and help with the dishes afterwards.”
“She called me silly.”
“Her dad is not as polite as I am. He asked ‘WHY THE F*CK IS THERE HAIR IN THE STUFFING'”?
“Her mom found a hair in the mashed potatoes.”
“I just kept my mouth shut.”
“Now she is upset with me for not helping out and letting her be embarrassed.”
“I bought her a box of hair nets a couple of years ago. I brought them out and reminded her, gently, that I had told her about her hair in the food.”
“She is calling me a dick for letting her screw up our first time, maybe last time, as Thanksgiving hosts.”
OP was left to wonder,
Having explained the situation, OP turned to Reddit for judgment.
Redditors weighed in by declaring:
- NTA – Not The A**hole
- YTA – You’re The A**hole
- NAH – No A**holes Here
- ESH – Everyone Sucks Here
Redditors decided: NTA
Some responses were confused at the wife’s anger.
“‘She is calling me a dick for letting her screw up our first time, maybe last time, as Thanksgiving hosts.'”
“That was her fault. And why should you stick up for her when you tried to prevent the hair in the food in the first place and she wouldn’t listen? NTA”
“INFO: Does she not mind eating her own hair and/or picking it out of her own food?” ~ StonewallBrigade21
Others pointed out that there might be larger issues at play.
“Think hard, OP.”
“Does she do other weird passive-aggressive or controlling things?”
“You begged her to let you do all the cooking.”
“She dismissively called your concerns ‘silly’ and guess what, there are her hairs in the stuffing and the potatoes.”
“Then she blames you for ‘not helping her out and letting her be embarrassed’ when she created the situation and blew you off when you tried to keep it from happening.”
“There’s something way off about her behavior. Watch for other red flags.”
“NTA but your wife sure is.” ~ PittieLover1
“She’s not being empathetic to her dinner guests/companions in her role as host and cook then.”
“You need to have a gentle conversation with her about how this is deterring you from feeling comfortable when she is volunteering to cook.”
“This is not about shaming her for hygiene or grooming standards, but about you wanting to feel a certain level of security when you eat together.”
“And when she fails to display the appropriate level of vigilance RE tying back her hair, you feel unheard as a spouse.”
“Be clear that you are not going to ‘live around’ her hair shedding and if this graduates to her simply never cooking for you, she’s really the one driving you both to that destination.” ~ addisonavenue
Commenters were confused about where the hair could be coming from.
“I don’t understand, I have somewhat long hair and can shed but I rarely find my hair in my food.”
“Maybe 2-3 times in my life (35).”
“I don’t tie my hair back specifically to cook either.”
“And usually those times are after the fact of cooking when I’ve foolishly flipped my hair over my plate. She’s doing something terribly wrong.”
“NTA.” ~ srosekw
“I don’t tie mine back or anything and I shed hair a lot, I’ve still never found hair in my food.”
“I genuinely can’t understand how this is happening without it being intentional on her part.” ~
“Yeah that’s another thing that grosses me out about it too.”
“I have a cat and I myself have long hair.”
“Between the two of us, hair is own everything I own, including my clothes.”
“I never have cat hair or my hair in food, even when I don’t tie my hair back.”
“Her hair being in literally every single thing she cooks, ever, is… strange.”
“Is it on the hand towels, maybe?”
“So when she dries her hands after washing them before touching food, it gets on her from the towel? That, or she isn’t washing her hands or is touching her hair while cooking which is… also gross” ~ Proper_Garlic3171
“I clean my apartment all the time because of how much I shed.”
“I have thick, long hair that I usually don’t pull back, and I’ve never shed into my food.”
“What is going on with OP’s wife?”
“I’m kinda concerned this an elaborate fetish or a mental illness-related behavior.”
“Especially because OP had already told her about this and offered many solutions, but she was resistant to all of them.” ~ gnomelover3000
There were also personal stories.
“NTA, my mother used to have this issue.”
“At it’s worst I found a literal hairball in the middle of my tuna pasta, it’s legitimately given me issues with hair to the point if I even think there’s a hair in my mouth there’s a real struggle for me to not throw up.”
“Turns out it was caused by a combination of stress and knitted clothes with a penchant for catching hairs.”
“I’d suggest investing in a lint roller (if you haven’t), checking the lint trap in your washer and dryer, and trying to relieve any stress or anxiety she might have.”
“As far as cooking is concerned, maybe you could suggest making the mains or combining ingredients, while she preps or does sides?”
“Edit: Just thought, excessive hairloss could also be caused by a medical issue, could be a good idea for her to have a blood test to be on the safe side.” ~ Pygmy_Turtle
“I shed like a friggin collie. I could make an animal out of the hair that comes off in the shower or a simple brushing. It’s rare that I find hair in my food when I cook.”
“There has to be something she’s doing while cooking, either intentionally or she is fiddling with her hair or touching it, brushing it with her fingers while she cooks.”
“This would be a 100% no go in any restaurant kitchen.”
“Sanitary standards don’t drop simply because you’re home and you sometimes swap saliva. Nobody wants hair in their food.”
“NTA.” ~ Daligheri
“I have alopecia, I’m very aware of my loss, I cook for my family and always make sure my hair is up and contained.”
“The occasional hair slips through but at least I’m actively trying to prevent contamination.”
“Your wife has been made aware, and chooses to continue feeding people hair. No one wants to floss with hair when they eat.” ~ allmightyuterus
“I have long hair and shed like a damn husky blowing their winter coat plus I live with two dogs who shed a ton and spend time in the kitchen with me (they love fresh veggies).”
“Even leaving my hair down or messing with it while in the kitchen, I can’t tell you the last time I found hair in my food.”
“Hell, my hair ends up tangled in dog whiskers and strangely wrapped around my partner’s nether regions (he and I still don’t truly know how) on an almost daily basis.” ~ Khaotic_Rainbow
Hygiene was also a common concern.
“And I see from your other comments your wife doesn’t seem to care about finding her own hair in her food.”
“This baffles me. like, not even from a hygiene standpoint, the sensation of getting a hair in my mouth is just horrible so how anyone would be okay with that is beyond me.”
“And it’s also gross from a hygiene standpoint.” ~ a_man_in_black
“I’m gagging right now.”
“Seriously I won’t even let my 6 year old help me in the kitchen without her hair pulled back.”
“My hair is pretty short but I always put a clip in to hold the longer parts back. Hair is so nasty and then add food 🤢” ~ amattie
We all have habits that we struggle with.
Owning them, and therefore controlling them, is a vital part of our growth as people.
Remember to be kind to those on that journey, but that the work is worth it.