No matter what they look like, many people are incredibly insecure regarding their physical appearance.
As a result, any remark about the way they look could trigger them and make them feel very uncomfortable.
Even when people think they might be paying a compliment to someone, they might instead only make them angry or upset.
Redditor Loud-Lab-2653 did not appreciate a recent remark her good friend's boyfriend made about the way she looked.
Resulting in the original poster (OP) returning the favor and making a remark about his physical appearance.
While her friend's boyfriend took the remark in stride, the OP's friend was furious.
Wondering if she was out of line, the OP took to the subReddit "Am I The A**hole" (AITA), where she asked fellow Redditors:
"AITA for snapping back when my friend's boyfriend commented on my bikini?"
The OP shared how an afternoon by the pool with friends ended up causing a rift amongst the group.
"I (29 F[emale]) am in a group holiday with my fiancé and three other couples."
"We are renting a big villa."
"This story concerns my friend Casey (30) and her boyfriend Josh (30)."
"For context, I don't hate Josh, but he requires a firm approach."
"He will try his 'brutal honesty' stuff on you to see if you'll let him get away with it, but once you show him you won't put up with it, he calms down."
"That said, he's prone to some stupid remarks."
"So, yesterday we were all having a relaxed day by the pool."
"I came out of the house in my bikini and Josh wolf whistled and said 'damn I really chose the wrong friend' loud enough for everyone to hear."
"Without missing a beat I turned to him and said 'why are you acting like you had your pick of the litter?'"
"'I would never have looked at you twice and you know it'."
"Josh laughed off the comment and and went back to reading his book, but Casey pulled me inside and yelled at me for embarrassing her and Josh."
"She said what I said was demeaning and I basically called Josh ugly."
"I was pretty stunned because actually I think what happened was Josh called me a piece of meat."
"We argued and I basically said that I wasn't responsible for her boyfriend's crass behavior and went back outside."
"Casey is still giving me the cold shoulder, as well as the three people who told her she was overreacting."
"It's making everything awkward."
"I don't think I'm in the wrong here but some of the group have said I was overly cutting with what I said, considering Josh was already out of line."
"Basically they said I joined him in the gutter."
"My fiancé says both Casey and Josh are nut jobs."
"Am I the one who took it too far?"
Fellow Redditors weighed in on where they believed the OP fell in this particular situation, by declaring:
- NTA: Not the A**hole
- YTA: You're the A**hole
- ESH: Everybody Sucks Here
- NAH: No A**holes Here
The Reddit community unanimously agreed that the OP was not the a**Hole for clapping back at her friend's boyfriend.
Everyone agreed that the OP was more than justified to give Josh a taste of his own medicine, with many confused and upset that Casey wasn't more hurt by Josh's unkind, misogynistic remarks.
"I'm sorry, did your friend miss the part where her boyfriend called her less hot than you and implying that he would toss her aside for you?"
"She glossed over the diss at herself and prickled at the insult to him?"
"How low is this woman's self-esteem?"
"NTA."
"Josh left himself wide open for your response."- JenAnt80
"NTA."
"Josh objectified you and insulted Casey."
"She took her insecurities out on you probably because you're a safer person to be mad with than he is."- coppeliuseyes
"NTA."
"You're right. Josh publicly objectified you and you put him in his place."- jrm1102
"NTA and it's weird that Casey is mad at you for putting her boyfriend in his place instead of mad at her boyfriend for not only objectifying her friend, but also basically saying he finds you more attractive and 'chose wrong'."- Allaboutbird
"NTA."
"Casey is upset because you implied that her boyfriend wasn't good enough for you."
"Based on Josh's comment, that may very well be true."- jeophys152
"NTA, she is displacing her anger."
"It is easier for her to be hurt and angry at you than it is for her to confront her boyfriend."
"It's unfair to you, but there's not a lot you can do until she wakes up and realizes that he is a dipsh*t."- Rootbeerpanic
"NTA."
"Casey should redirect her anger at her boyfriend, who pretty much announced you're hotter than her to the whole group."
"He sounds like a huge a**hole."- CrabbiestAsp
"If I was Casey I would feel disrespected and embarrassed by asshat Josh."
"She has misplaced her anger towards you."- mabear63
"There's a word for this, its called 'a**hole'."- 6nQKqDdd23FbJEpb
"NTA."
"People who say they are 'brutally honest' can almost never take any sort of comments reflected back at them."
"It's sad that the person he was insulting is defending him."
"Your fiancé sounds like he has the correct perspective."- tangtheconqueror
"NTA, your response was totally appropriate."- Kukka63
"You didn't embarrass anyone. Josh embarrassed his gf with this comment."
"I'm surprised Casey blames you."- fantasietraeume
"NTA, if anything, Josh called Casey ugly, and she needs to open her eyes."
"I don't know wtf is wrong with some women always attacking other people instead of their own men."
"If my man did that, you wouldn't have to defend yourself because I would be the first to respond to his dumb comment."- ALdreams
"NTA."
"She was already embarrassed by his (crass, unnecessary) statement, which was increased by your savage (hilarious, accurate) comeback."
"She couldn't/didn't want to take it out on him, so she's pouring it onto you instead."
"The fact that three others are on your side and (seemingly) no one is on hers tells you everything you need to know."- TalynRahl
"NTA."
"Casey is more angry at you than at Josh?"
"Who blatantly insulted her by saying he chose the wrong friend?"
"She's likely honestly more upset with him, but as you're her friend and not her boyfriend, you're the easier target."
"I agree with your fiance. Both Casey and Josh sound exhausting."
"Your other friends are out of line, though. You didn't join them in the gutter. You neatly stepped over it."- Carikos
"You're NTA."
"Josh said you are more attractive than Casey and suggested he should have hooked up with you."
"You shot that down."
"And Casey is mad at you?"
"Haha, she's focusing her annoyance on the wrong person."- Dittoheadforever
"NTA, if he wolf-whistled at you and made a rude comment, you're fully entitled to banter back."
"Laughing was the right response - Casey was in the wrong."- TADodger
"NTA her boyfriend hit on you and objectified you and she got pissed... at you."
"Make it make sense."
"He was acting like a dog. You had every right to put him in his place."
"If I were you, I'd cut both of them off."
"Josh for obvious reasons but the gf as well bc she seems like the type to cause drama and blame you if he ever tries to make a move."
"Best to just avoid the whole mess before it happens."- ChancePark1971
"NTA."
"Don't start none."
"There won't be none."- tercer78
"NTA."
"Game recognizes game."- thepaoliconnection
"NTA."
"It sounds like Casey is just upset. Josh thinks you're hotter than her."
"He needed to be put in his place; there's no reason he should have even made that stupid comment."- Soft_Bookkeeper_7500
"NTA."
"Casey was deeply hurt - rightfully- at what he said, and she couldn't call him out cause he's an a**hole, so she's lashing out at you because you are safe."- Mabelisms
"NTA."
"In my opinion, Casey is in the wrong for a couple of things."
"Why is she accepting this nasty behavior from Josh?"
"I wouldn't like it if my fiancée told my best friend he chose the 'wrong' friend to date."
"She was out of line to tell you you were wrong for sticking up for yourself."
"if someone made a nasty remark, why shouldn't you say something back?"
"Wishing you best of luck!"- Wyvern_Riding_Witch
"NTA."
"Casey may just be angry because her boyfriend thinks you're hotter than her, and because she apparently still wants him, she's taking it out on you."- mensink
"NTA."
"Casey needs a reality check to realize if Josh kept his mouth shut, nothing would've happened, and if you can't stand the heat, stay out of the oven."
"Josh is a complete AH, as his personality sounds like its garbage if he does this to basically everyone, not to mention objectifying you in the first place."
"You saying 'why are you acting like you had your pick of the litter?' was actually pretty funny."
"In the short term, you lot need to consider if going on holiday again is worth it, as I think I'd be avoiding Josh + Casey like the plague."
"Longer term, Josh needs to work on his sense of humor and think before he speaks, or I'd be finding reasons to not be around him, period."- FeralSquirrels
One could argue that Casey was justified in being upset that the OP made an unkind remark about Josh's looks.
What is rather worrisome, however, is that Casey didn't seem even the least bit fazed by the fact that Josh also made an unkind remark about the way she looked.
It seems an important conversation regarding ground rules and everyone's comfort levels is necessary before this friend group ever convenes at a pool again.
















Woman Asks If It's Wrong To Cancel Date After He Makes Too Many Sexual Comments
Dating can be really hard, because let's be honest, as fun as it's supposed to be, there are some very strange prospects out there.
While some might just be socially awkward, there are definitely some walking red flags, ready to push every boundary, cautioned the members of the "Am I Overreacting?" (AIO) subReddit.
Redditor Suspicious_End_441 had been talking to a guy for a little while and was planning to go on a first date with him when he started sending her increasingly inappropriate text messages.
But when his texts went far past her comfort zone, especially for someone she'd never met, the Original Poster (OP) planned to call off the date and truly never meet the guy in real life.
She asked the sub:
The OP had been talking to a guy and was looking forward to going on a first date with him.
"For context, I (30 Female) met this guy online and have been talking to him the past few days."
"He asked me out, and we planned a date for today. He seems really nice so far."
"I like him, but he’s made a couple of comments that maybe seem like a red flag to me."
"First off, I did my nails for the date, and he asked me to send him a picture, so I did."
"Then he made some comment like, 'Those would look great wrapped around something.'"
"I kinda brushed it off because I know that’s how some guys are... but it did give me the ick a little."
"Then I asked him to tell me more about himself, and the second thing he told me was that he has a high sex drive."
The potential date texted:
The OP no longer liked the idea of dating the guy.
"Don’t get me wrong, I’m no prude, but this made me slightly uncomfortable. I’m wondering what reason you would need to tell this to someone you haven’t even met yet."
"I didn’t think he would be expecting sex on a first date, but this made me rethink."
"I’m also recovering from a surgery that I had three weeks ago, and he knows this. So that literally isn’t even an option for me, not that I would wanna do that on a first date anyway."
The OP considered never meeting the guy in person.
"I kind of feel like he’s making too many sexual comments too quickly, especially considering I didn’t engage with his first comment at all."
"Am I overreacting, feeling like I maybe want to cancel the date and block him?"
"I just feel like these comments are an indicator of his expectations... or maybe he is just 'being a guy'?"
Fellow Redditors weighed in:
Some had second-hand "ick" from reading that text message.
"NOR. My face when I read that text: [Dan Levy from 'Schitt's Creek']" - Unlikely_Captain_499
"I’d nope out right after the nails comment. After I blast him for being completely out of line." - WHYohWhy__MEohMY
"If he’s that comfortable saying stuff like that before he meets you, imagine what he’ll say after he knows you better." - ScrambledNoggin
"Gross. That joke should be saved for wife or long-term girlfriend where you know you'll get a laugh... or more accurately, an eye-roll and a 'threat' to not sleep with him for the next three months, LOL." - HovercraftIII1258
"Every time I get my nails done, my husband says something similar to that, and I always reply, 'I think they'd look good jammed in your eye sockets,' and we both laugh, LOL. But we've been married for over a decade. When we met and when we were dating, he was incredibly polite and possibly TOO slow in making advances. THIS is gross." - wingin_it0618
"This is exactly what I expect as a response from a man heavily in the dating scene right now. Like, sex is fine, but this guy really couldn't wait to go out on the date that was already set up and chill for ONE d**n night? If the girl is into you, it will happen when it happens. It says to me like he has no self-control." - BrayIsreal
"If he's giving you the ick, listen to that. It's not going to go away. Don't waste your own time or his. Plenty more fish in the sea, girl." - Zieglest
"As a man who is heavily in the dating world right now, that sounds like such a turn off, and any self-respecting girl who wants an actual relationship would not even talk to him anymore after this. It's so cringey and makes all of us guys look like there's no reason we want to go out with them other than getting laid. As a guy, it's really annoying; it makes girls weirded out by all of us. Sigh."
"Like, sex is fine, but this guy really couldn't wait to go out on the date that was already set up and chill for ONE d**n night? If the girl is into you, it will happen when it happens. It says to me like he has no self-control."
"That was the dumbest thing he could say to kill his chances. I wouldn't bother with him." - BrayIsReal
"NOR, I wouldn’t want to go anymore either. Making multiple sexual comments before even meeting someone is purposeful, and I doubt he remembers that you can’t do anything due to your surgery or even considers whether you want to."
"Don’t brush off how your gut makes you feel. If you are uncomfortable, then you are under no obligation to go." - AliBari
Others urged the OP to listen to her gut, not to go on that date, and to immediately block the guy.
"If he is already this forward, making sexual comments to a complete stranger, then it will only increase from here; he’s not going to suddenly stop. OP, if he already makes you feel uncertain or pressured, then don’t bother." - saiphxo
"Your gut is telling you something and wants to keep you safe. Don't ignore it." - SparkEli1
"Stay far, far away from this guy. Block. Don't look back. Men like this use high sex drive as a disclaimer for zero boundaries later." - CompetitionLankys
"Trust your intuition. Don’t go."
"I (39 Female) am very comfortable with casual sex and hook-ups. When single, I have never needed an emotional connection with a man to let off some steam. I don’t need him to make me feel special or like we have potential. I don’t need to know his hopes and dreams. I separate men into 'just sex' and 'potential for more' easily."
"I do need him to show the most basic level of respect and not be a creep. I would stop talking to this guy the instant he started speaking like that, even if my intention was to just f**k him."
"We are already talking, we are already about to go on a date, why is he turning it creepy sexual, what is that doing for either of us. It just speaks to a lack of judgment, I wouldn’t want to trust. If he can’t handle a basic text conversation without being a creep, why would I trust him to be alone with me?" - TheCa11ousB**h
"Ok, so I'm a degenerate, but even I wouldn't say something like 'those would look good wrapped around something' to a person I'd never met."
"I mean... do I have to be dad here and say the obvious? It's some guy on the internet who's looking to f**k. Is that really what you want? He can't even be bothered to type the d in the word 'and.'"
"Also, your nails look cool." - skippybeefree
"I’m more insulted that it’s just a terribly uncreative line. This guy's a bum!"
"Also, it's a huge red flag is the first thing he describes himself as a clean freak and needs things done his way. Sounds like a control freak, which would make me dip out immediately." - JeromeBarkley
"Only you know what you need to do. Feel safe. Feel comfortable. Feel SAFE!"
"If you don't, then cancel."
"Some men (I am a man) sometimes say way too much way too soon, and some men don't know how to hold a decent conversation. Sometimes just telling them how you feel about the sexual comments and seeing his reaction will tell you more than anything else he has ever said to you up until this point."
"But always remember you can choose to back out at any point in a date, even if you turn up to have dinner but can't walk in. The same goes for him as well if he turns up but doesn't walk in. We all have the right to feel safe and comfortable, especially on a first date." - Ok_goal6591
It was possible that the guy was just excited about the date, nervous to talk to someone new, socially awkward, or just joking at an inappropriate level.
Unfortunately, though, it was much more likely that these comments indicated the guy's expectations for the first date and how he would treat the OP if she set boundaries, especially regarding his inability to perform after surgery for safety reasons.
While it would be fun to meet someone new, it was much safer for the OP to wait for someone else.