No matter what they look like, many people are incredibly insecure regarding their physical appearance.
As a result, any remark about the way they look could trigger them and make them feel very uncomfortable.
Even when people think they might be paying a compliment to someone, they might instead only make them angry or upset.
Redditor Loud-Lab-2653 did not appreciate a recent remark her good friend’s boyfriend made about the way she looked.
Resulting in the original poster (OP) returning the favor and making a remark about his physical appearance.
While her friend’s boyfriend took the remark in stride, the OP’s friend was furious.
Wondering if she was out of line, the OP took to the subReddit “Am I The A**hole” (AITA), where she asked fellow Redditors:
“AITA for snapping back when my friend’s boyfriend commented on my bikini?”
The OP shared how an afternoon by the pool with friends ended up causing a rift amongst the group.
“I (29 F[emale]) am in a group holiday with my fiancé and three other couples.”
“We are renting a big villa.”
“This story concerns my friend Casey (30) and her boyfriend Josh (30).”
“For context, I don’t hate Josh, but he requires a firm approach.”
“He will try his ‘brutal honesty’ stuff on you to see if you’ll let him get away with it, but once you show him you won’t put up with it, he calms down.”
“That said, he’s prone to some stupid remarks.”
“So, yesterday we were all having a relaxed day by the pool.”
“I came out of the house in my bikini and Josh wolf whistled and said ‘damn I really chose the wrong friend’ loud enough for everyone to hear.”
“Without missing a beat I turned to him and said ‘why are you acting like you had your pick of the litter?'”
“‘I would never have looked at you twice and you know it’.”
“Josh laughed off the comment and and went back to reading his book, but Casey pulled me inside and yelled at me for embarrassing her and Josh.”
“She said what I said was demeaning and I basically called Josh ugly.”
“I was pretty stunned because actually I think what happened was Josh called me a piece of meat.”
“We argued and I basically said that I wasn’t responsible for her boyfriend’s crass behavior and went back outside.”
“Casey is still giving me the cold shoulder, as well as the three people who told her she was overreacting.”
“It’s making everything awkward.”
“I don’t think I’m in the wrong here but some of the group have said I was overly cutting with what I said, considering Josh was already out of line.”
“Basically they said I joined him in the gutter.”
“My fiancé says both Casey and Josh are nut jobs.”
“Am I the one who took it too far?”
Fellow Redditors weighed in on where they believed the OP fell in this particular situation, by declaring:
- NTA: Not the A**hole
- YTA: You’re the A**hole
- ESH: Everybody Sucks Here
- NAH: No A**holes Here
The Reddit community unanimously agreed that the OP was not the a**Hole for clapping back at her friend’s boyfriend.
Everyone agreed that the OP was more than justified to give Josh a taste of his own medicine, with many confused and upset that Casey wasn’t more hurt by Josh’s unkind, misogynistic remarks.
“I’m sorry, did your friend miss the part where her boyfriend called her less hot than you and implying that he would toss her aside for you?”
“She glossed over the diss at herself and prickled at the insult to him?”
“How low is this woman’s self-esteem?”
“NTA.”
“Josh left himself wide open for your response.”- JenAnt80
“NTA.”
“Josh objectified you and insulted Casey.”
“She took her insecurities out on you probably because you’re a safer person to be mad with than he is.”- coppeliuseyes
“NTA.”
“You’re right. Josh publicly objectified you and you put him in his place.”- jrm1102
“NTA and it’s weird that Casey is mad at you for putting her boyfriend in his place instead of mad at her boyfriend for not only objectifying her friend, but also basically saying he finds you more attractive and ‘chose wrong’.”- Allaboutbird
“NTA.”
“Casey is upset because you implied that her boyfriend wasn’t good enough for you.”
“Based on Josh’s comment, that may very well be true.”- jeophys152
“NTA, she is displacing her anger.”
“It is easier for her to be hurt and angry at you than it is for her to confront her boyfriend.”
“It’s unfair to you, but there’s not a lot you can do until she wakes up and realizes that he is a dipsh*t.”- Rootbeerpanic
“NTA.”
“Casey should redirect her anger at her boyfriend, who pretty much announced you’re hotter than her to the whole group.”
“He sounds like a huge a**hole.”- CrabbiestAsp
“If I was Casey I would feel disrespected and embarrassed by asshat Josh.”
“She has misplaced her anger towards you.”- mabear63
“There’s a word for this, its called ‘a**hole’.”- 6nQKqDdd23FbJEpb
“NTA.”
“People who say they are ‘brutally honest’ can almost never take any sort of comments reflected back at them.”
“It’s sad that the person he was insulting is defending him.”
“Your fiancé sounds like he has the correct perspective.”- tangtheconqueror
“NTA, your response was totally appropriate.”- Kukka63
“You didn’t embarrass anyone. Josh embarrassed his gf with this comment.”
“I’m surprised Casey blames you.”- fantasietraeume
“NTA, if anything, Josh called Casey ugly, and she needs to open her eyes.”
“I don’t know wtf is wrong with some women always attacking other people instead of their own men.”
“If my man did that, you wouldn’t have to defend yourself because I would be the first to respond to his dumb comment.”- ALdreams
“NTA.”
“She was already embarrassed by his (crass, unnecessary) statement, which was increased by your savage (hilarious, accurate) comeback.”
“She couldn’t/didn’t want to take it out on him, so she’s pouring it onto you instead.”
“The fact that three others are on your side and (seemingly) no one is on hers tells you everything you need to know.”- TalynRahl
“NTA.”
“Casey is more angry at you than at Josh?”
“Who blatantly insulted her by saying he chose the wrong friend?”
“She’s likely honestly more upset with him, but as you’re her friend and not her boyfriend, you’re the easier target.”
“I agree with your fiance. Both Casey and Josh sound exhausting.”
“Your other friends are out of line, though. You didn’t join them in the gutter. You neatly stepped over it.”- Carikos
“You’re NTA.”
“Josh said you are more attractive than Casey and suggested he should have hooked up with you.”
“You shot that down.”
“And Casey is mad at you?”
“Haha, she’s focusing her annoyance on the wrong person.”- Dittoheadforever
“NTA, if he wolf-whistled at you and made a rude comment, you’re fully entitled to banter back.”
“Laughing was the right response – Casey was in the wrong.”- TADodger
“NTA her boyfriend hit on you and objectified you and she got pissed… at you.”
“Make it make sense.”
“He was acting like a dog. You had every right to put him in his place.”
“If I were you, I’d cut both of them off.”
“Josh for obvious reasons but the gf as well bc she seems like the type to cause drama and blame you if he ever tries to make a move.”
“Best to just avoid the whole mess before it happens.”- ChancePark1971
“NTA.”
“Don’t start none.”
“There won’t be none.”- tercer78
“NTA.”
“Game recognizes game.”- thepaoliconnection
“NTA.”
“It sounds like Casey is just upset. Josh thinks you’re hotter than her.”
“He needed to be put in his place; there’s no reason he should have even made that stupid comment.”- Soft_Bookkeeper_7500
“NTA.”
“Casey was deeply hurt – rightfully- at what he said, and she couldn’t call him out cause he’s an a**hole, so she’s lashing out at you because you are safe.”- Mabelisms
“NTA.”
“In my opinion, Casey is in the wrong for a couple of things.”
“Why is she accepting this nasty behavior from Josh?”
“I wouldn’t like it if my fiancée told my best friend he chose the ‘wrong’ friend to date.”
“She was out of line to tell you you were wrong for sticking up for yourself.”
“if someone made a nasty remark, why shouldn’t you say something back?”
“Wishing you best of luck!”- Wyvern_Riding_Witch
“NTA.”
“Casey may just be angry because her boyfriend thinks you’re hotter than her, and because she apparently still wants him, she’s taking it out on you.”- mensink
“NTA.”
“Casey needs a reality check to realize if Josh kept his mouth shut, nothing would’ve happened, and if you can’t stand the heat, stay out of the oven.”
“Josh is a complete AH, as his personality sounds like its garbage if he does this to basically everyone, not to mention objectifying you in the first place.”
“You saying ‘why are you acting like you had your pick of the litter?’ was actually pretty funny.”
“In the short term, you lot need to consider if going on holiday again is worth it, as I think I’d be avoiding Josh + Casey like the plague.”
“Longer term, Josh needs to work on his sense of humor and think before he speaks, or I’d be finding reasons to not be around him, period.”- FeralSquirrels
One could argue that Casey was justified in being upset that the OP made an unkind remark about Josh’s looks.
What is rather worrisome, however, is that Casey didn’t seem even the least bit fazed by the fact that Josh also made an unkind remark about the way she looked.
It seems an important conversation regarding ground rules and everyone’s comfort levels is necessary before this friend group ever convenes at a pool again.