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Woman Conflicted About Announcing Pregnancy Six Weeks After Sister-In-Law Announced Engagement

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Timing when to make big life announcements so as to not steal anybody’s thunder in the family is a constant struggle, and yet a seemingly silly one.

It’s not as if life stops for anybody, so why pretend to conveniently shed enough attention on one person or another for a short period of time?

This is the situation Redditor pregnancythrowaway_ found herself in when she was debating how to tell her extended family about her pregnancy.  Caught in a cycle of endless debate with herself, she finally needed input.

Looking for objective strangers, she went to the popular subReddit “Am I The A**hole?” or “AITA” for feedback on how exactly to approach this situation:

“WIBTA [Would I Be The A**hole] for announcing my pregnancy at Christmas?”

Our original poster, or OP, set the background against which she became pregnant.

“I’m (34F[emale]) married to my husband (31M[ale]) for five years. We’ve undergone two years of fertility treatments and I’m finally pregnant.”

“His parents were aware we are undergoing treatment. Originally we were going to share the news of the pregnancy with them last weekend when we saw them in person for FIL’s birthday.”

“However, earlier in the week my SIL(30F) got engaged. I have a decent relationship with SIL. However, she is the kind of person who thrives on attention and wants to be the center of everything.”

“As soon as we knew she was engaged I told my husband I wanted to hold off announcing so we didn’t steal her thunder because we know his parents will flip out when they find out about the baby.”

“She wouldn’t flip out but I know it would hurt her feelings if she didn’t have her moment in the sun.”

“Right now we are committed to telling little white lies to conceal the pregnancy for a few more weeks.”

So they have set a time to tell everybody, but OP is still in doubt.

“The next time everyone will be together in person is Christmas. I would like to announce at the end of the evening after everyone had opened gifts as stuff winds down.”

“I’m just worried that I might be TA since the announcement will take the spotlight off of SIL, but I figured by that point she would have had 6 whole weeks to be celebrated.”

“By the nature of pregnancy I’m not going to be able to hide this forever. I’m just not sure how much time I need to wait so I’m not seen as a thunder stealer.”

Anonymous strangers weighed in by declaring:

  • NTA – Not The A**hole
  • YTA – You’re The A**hole
  • ESH – Everyone Sucks Here
  • NAH – No A**holes Here

Redditors thought OP was actually being more courteous than she needed to be.

“NTA. You are very thoughtful and kind to take your SIL’s milestone and feelings into consideration.”

“Most importantly — CONGRATULATIONS!!!!! Just from the post you sound extremely kind hearted. Your baby is so lucky to have you as a mom!”-madworld_madwoman

“6 weeks is enough to celebrate the engagement. Regardless of what else she does, announce your pregnancy at Christmas.”

“You have been more than thoughtful and deserve some of the attention. She will likely try to make conversation about her wedding plan, wedding date, dress shopping, and whatever else she can think of.”

“Take the high road and just smile at her. Congrats to you and your hubby on your expected bundle of joy. I wish an easy pregnancy and delivery for you.”-Ducky818

“So because she got engaged, you should hide and wait until you give birth just so she can ‘enjoy’ her engagement and the attention ?”

“NTA. Seriously, you have the right to share a good news with your family. You already pushed it to not steal her thunder.”

“If she throws a fit, that would mean she’s selfish and a child, and probably going to be a bridzella.”-Primary-Criticism929

“First off, Congrats on your tiny human!!! I wish you both good health and good pregnancy. Second, unless the hubs thinks there’s some reason you shouldn’t, I say GO FOR IT!”

“Especially since this is a well wished child. You don’t have to take a back seat. Side note… I also announced a pregnancy at Christmas (also a well wished child) and even my child hating bestie burst into joyful tears.”

“Children are gifts. Be well mama and baby!”-Ok_Advance_2665

Having a baby is a big deal, and six weeks after the last major announcement is definitely enough time, in Reddit’s eyes.

“NTA. Like you said, your SIL will have been celebrated for 6 weeks by then. You’ve been more than considerate and let her have her day, so to speak.”

“If she somehow thinks that you spent two years trying to get pregnant just to upstage her engagement, then that’s on her, not you.”

“Families can celebrate more than one piece of good news at a time. My husband and I announced my pregnancy with our daughter at Christmas.”

“We’d found out about it earlier in December and it just seemed like the right time. We had our parents and sisters unwrap little gifts that shared the news for us (we got them ornaments that said ‘grandma,’ ‘aunt,’ etc).”

“Everyone LOVED it and our families both still talk about it sometimes. We also struggled to conceive and my heart is so happy for you. Many congratulations ❤️.”-RedRose_812

“NTA- congrats!! Perhaps have a small gift that people can open at the end that lets them know you are pregnant.”

“Listen I love being the center of attention and hate when someone upstages me, but each time my SIL announced she was pregnant I was over the moon.”

“Those little kids have stolen my heart more than I ever could have imagined.”-Ab828

“NTA if you announce your pregnancy (it is a big thing, plus it’s not like the family can’t be happy about two things at once).”

“But i feel like you’ve already made your decision and just want Redditors to tell you it’s a good decision (saying your SIL always has to be in the center of attention, she would have had 6 whole weeks to be celebrated).”

“You say you have a good relationship with her but idk you look kinda shady saying some of these things.”-Kcuph

“You’re giving her 6 WEEKS and you’re worried you might be the AH? The appropriate amount of spotlight for an engagement announcement is a 2 hour dinner.”

“Nobody really cares that you’re going to continue being with the person you are already with, its really not big news.”

“You’re NTA and more than fine, I would have announced a few days later, just long enough for them to get their congrats on Facebook and move on.”-Trasl0

And people were sure that OP’s sister-in-law would be just fine with it.

“NTA. 6 weeks is long enough. It was good of you to hold off in the first place. Frankly, if you do go ahead and announce your pregnancy and your SIL gets butthurt for stealing her thunder, or whatever, that’s on her.”

“It’d be a pretty sh*tty thing to get upset about, especially knowing what you guys have been through to get to this point.”

“Tell your family, share the good news and celebrate. If your SIL wants to selfishly sulk about it, let her. Congratulations on your pregnancy!”-PattyNChips

“Um, being engaged is like the single most unexciting state of affairs to be in. 6 weeks in, no one cares anymore but her.”

“So she’s engaged, so the guy we’ve all been seeing at family events for 5 years is still Bob, he just has a new title of fiance instead of bf. Announce and be happy. NTA.”

“If she pitches a fit, remember that you have years to pay her back. Wait til she’s pregnant, then announce it’s your kid’s kindergarten graduation or something.”-Unit-Healthy

“NTA – first off, CONGRATS!!! second, she had her time to shine when she announced it earlier this week, Christmas is so far away there’s no way she can be like, ‘no it’s still my time to shine!'”

“Are you going to announce it by getting presents that say like ‘best grandma/aunt/grandpa’? That would be cute.”

“Or just full on Beyonce at VMAs it and just throw your jacket open like bam little baby bump.”-gardenofholliess

“NTA – and honestly, you should consider just announcing it early in the evening. Conversation might center around the upcoming nuptials and it will feel like ‘stealing thunder anyway’ and everyone is going to notice you’re not drinking + they know you are on fertility treatments…”

“Yeah, it’s going to come out. Just announce it a little early in the evening and get it out there.”-loudent2

“NTA. If you had managed to announce your pregnancy before her engagement, would she have jumped in and made her announcement too?”

“Would she have waited 6 weeks to tell any family because of your announcement?”

“Assuming you have mostly sensible, normal families, people are going to be able to count back and wonder why you waited so long to tell them.”

“Especially since with you having fertility treatments, you must already be pretty far along to have wanted to share with others. I think others will find that pretty selfless if anything.”-TheRealEleanor

OP’s sharing this out of an abundance of caution has given her backup that she’s making the right choice, and that she’s also ahead of the game by planning this and making sure her sister-in-law has appropriate time in the spotlight.

Congratulations to the happy couple and their soon to be baby.

Written by Mike Walsh

Mike is a writer, dancer, actor, and singer who recently graduated with his MFA from Columbia University. Mike's daily ambitions are to meet new dogs and make new puns on a daily basis. Follow him on Twitter and Instagram @mikerowavables.