When beginning a new relationship, there is always the fear that one’s significant other might not get along with their family.
Sometimes, parents might not think their child’s significant other is good enough for them and make no effort to hide their displeasure, or their significant other might not like their family and will go to great lengths to avoid spending time with them.
Some people are luckier, however, and find their significant other gets along splendidly with their family from the get-go, always looking forward to spending time with them.
The girlfriend of Redditor aitathrow0284719‘s brother couldn’t wait to join the boyfriend and his family on an upcoming vacation.
The problem was this was a family vacation organized and paid for by the original poster (OP), who didn’t include their brother’s girlfriend in their initial plans.
When the OP’s brother’s girlfriend found out she wasn’t invited, she made her displeasure known in no uncertain terms.
Wondering if they were being unreasonable, the OP took to the subReddit “Am I The A**hole” (AITA), where they asked fellow Redditors:
“AITA for not including my brother’s gf on a family trip?”
The OP explained how she was rather surprised to hear their brother’s girlfriend assumed she was invited on an upcoming family trip and how things went when they set the record straight.
“My younger brother is 18.”
“I am 33, and I’ve lived abroad since I was 23.”
“I wanted to go on a holiday with my family (parents, husband, our two kids, and brother) since we haven’t been able to for a while and because if I go to visit them at home, then the whole visit becomes about catching up with other people and I don’t get good quality time with them.”
“We decided to go to Paris during brother’s Easter break from school, and all of us adults coordinated our annual leave around it.”
“I guess brother told his girlfriend (GF) (of maybe 18 months or so), and I started getting messages from her being all excited about the trip.”
“I asked her what she meant, and she said she was so excited to go.”
“I text my brother to ask if he told her she was coming too, and he said no, he’d only told her that he was going.”
“So I messaged her back and politely said that it’s a family-only holiday and I’m sure brother would bring her back a souvenir, but unfortunately, she won’t be coming with us.”
“She started swearing at me and called me a selfish rich [c-word] and that she is family and I should be treating her too.”
“I’ve met her like twice.”
“I don’t know her, but yes, I acknowledge she is with my brother.”
“AITA for not taking her too?”
Fellow Redditors weighed in on where they believed the OP fell in this particular situation by declaring:
- NTA: Not the A**hole
- YTA: You’re the A**hole
- ESH: Everybody Sucks Here
- NAH: No A**holes Here
The Reddit community unanimously agreed that the OP was not the a**hole for not including their brother’s girlfriend on their trip.
Everyone agreed that the OP was under no obligation to include someone they barely knew on a family trip, which was intended for the family to spend quality time together.
Reddit felt the girlfriend’s assumption she was included without ever being formally invited made her entitled and manipulative personality readily apparent.
“She wasn’t invited.”
“Imagine how fun she would be on the trip.”
“I bet she believes families get shopping sprees, too.”- otterknowbeter
“As soon as your brother clarified to you that he hadn’t invited her, it was clear that she was either delusional or manipulative.”
“The fact that she swore at you when you let her know it’s a family trip makes it clear which one.”
“The absolute audacity of this girl to think someone she’s met twice is going to foot the bill for her to take a 10-day trip abroad is astounding to me.”
“In my high school relationship, BF’s mom often seemed to like me more than him. It was a running joke.”
“I have frequently included in ‘family’ dinners.”
“But I would not have expected an invitation to their vacation at all, and I never would have tried to insinuate myself like she just did.”
“I agree with everyone saying you should let your brother know how she just spoke to you.”
“She was out of line with entitlement, and he should know how she treats his family.”- shiveringsongs
“She’s entitled, and by swearing and calling you names just show her personality.”- tukangkabun
“Seems she was trying to pressure you into taking her with the early thank you – she knew she wasn’t invited.”
“I hope she doesn’t become part of the family.”
“That’s some heavy entitlement.”- pineboxwaiting
“She invited herself then was extremely abusive when told that she wasn’t invited.”
“If she’s hoping for a future invitation, she’s probably going to be disappointed.”- diminishingpatience
“She isn’t ‘family.'”
“She’s the teenage girlfriend of your teenage brother.”
“If she wants to tag along, she could ask her parents to pay for it.”
“Her reaction to being politely told she misunderstood the situation tells you everything.”
“She won’t be in the picture for long if your brother has half a brain.”- Helpful_Hour1984
“They’re not married, and she is not family.”
“You don’t even know her.”
“Also, your brother is 18 (and I assume she’s a similar age), and it’s very reasonable for you to take that into consideration even if you might otherwise include an adult’s SO who isn’t a spouse.”
“If you were even considering it because ‘she is with’ your brother, her behavior here puts that at a FIRM no.”
“Your trip, invite people you want there.”
“Forward her last response to your brother.”
“That may solve the whole thing.”
“Even if your brother lied to you and DID tell her she was going, her beef is with him, and her name-calling at you is unacceptable.”- Tangerine_Bouquet
“NTA and make sure to screenshot the convo and forward it to your bro.”
“It may help him to dodge a bullet.”- Ok_Yesterday_6214
“NTA, and I would show screenshots of her messages to your family (maybe your brother first).”-atealein
“But please show your brother what kind of girl he’s dating.”
“Even if they get married, I honestly would never pay for her based on how she acted.”- nice52
“She sounds very entitled and unpleasant.”
“I hope you’ve shown your brother her messages as her behavior is entirely unacceptable.”-Opposite-Guide-9925
“You’ve met her twice?! “
“Jesus Christ, what an entitled AH.”
“I’m going to say NTA.”
“if you’ve only met her twice, I can understand not inviting her.”
“And I can especially understand standing firm in that decision after she lashed out like that.”-Heavy_Sand5228
“NTA and I would be definitely letting your brother see the messages she sent you.”-Zestyclose_Public_47
“I think her reaction alone proves you’re NTA.”
“She is acting very entitled & why would you want to reward that?”
“Don’t lose any sleep over this.”
“She just wanted a free trip.”- ashleighbuck
“Send your brother those screenshots, though.”
“I’m sure he made it perfectly clear.”
“She’s trying to weasel her way in and expect you to pick up the tab.”- applejax1012
“But it shouldn’t have been your responsibility, your brother should have been communicating with his girlfriend.”
“Especially after she reached out to you with her expectations.”
“It would have saved you the awkwardness and vitriol.”- lyan-cat
“I don’t think it was clear at first that you are PAYING.”
“I may be a bit upset at not getting an invite if I were her, but if I knew it was a free trip, I wouldn’t in a zillion years think I’d be included.”- loomfy
“Sounds like she knew already and was trying to squeeze herself into those plans.”- Agile_Sundae
“She just assumed she was invited when she’s not really family.”
“You should maybe have asked your brother to tell her and you stay out of it.”
“Either way – I think your brother would benefit from dumping her as she sounds entitled and high maintenance.”- Unique_Luck_817
“NTA and the way she reacted makes it even more obvious that she is.”
“Make sure to share that with your brother.”
“He should definitely break up with her.”- Ok-Abbreviations4510
“She just wanted paid trip.”- fictionovernonfic
“Well, she just sounds lovely.”
“NTA and hope your brother gets her panties out of his eyes and sees her for the nasty person she sounds like.”- MushroomItchy7180
It can be looked at as good news that the girlfriend of the OP’s brother was excited to spend time with his family.
Why she assumed she was invited on a trip being paid for by the OP, however, is questionable, to say the least.
Judging by the way she reacted, she probably shouldn’t expect to be included on any other trips or gatherings organized by the OP for the foreseeable future.