Ah the “friendzone”…
It’s difficult when your feelings are not returned, but some people demand a reason why then complain about the answer.
And the whole “friend” thing doesn’t seem to cut it.
Case in point…
Redditor No_Historian_5724 wanted to discuss her story for some feedback. So naturally she came to visit the “Am I The A**hole” (AITA) subReddit.
She asked:
“AITA for telling my friend who got rejected that the ‘friendzone’ doesn’t exist??”
The Original Poster (OP) explained:
“Hi… so F[emale] 21 got this friend M[ale] 20, who I’ve known for quite a while now.”
“Well he has this huge crush on a girl of our college.”
“I’ll not say she is my friend but I think if we spent more time together we could be.”
“So he knows we are acquaintances and asked me to talk to her about him.”
“I did and she even agreed to go on a date with him, just to know each other.”
“That was last week.”
“Well I saw both of them the other day (on different parts of our campus) and asked them how was it.”
“His side of the story is that everything was great and that ‘she def is in love with me,’ while her answer was not favorable for him.”
“To put it simple she said: ‘He’s great and all, but he does this… and that…. He isn’t my type.'”
“I understood and didn’t push it.”
“However my friend saw us talking and later that day, asked me what she said to me, and told him with all honesty what she said.”
“So he can move on, but he was angry/sad, said something like women only play with guys feelings.”
“That we don’t appreciate a good man when we find one.”
“And that she ‘friendzoned’ him when he acted like a gentleman on their date.”
“I’ve never seen or heard him saying ‘Alpha men’ stuff.”
“I was surprised, but offended at the same time.”
“So I told him that just because he invited her doesn’t mean she owes him anything.”
“And that he isn’t on the ‘friendzone’ because it doesn’t exist.”
“It is just a sexist concept a lot of people use to simply put on bad position the people who just don’t want to date you.”
“Simply because you don’t know how to handle rejection.”
“Indeed he didn’t take this in the right way and he is giving the cold shoulder.”
“Along with a few common friends who told me I acted childish and even petty.”
“AITA?”
Redditors shared their thoughts on this matter and weighed some options to the question AITA?:
- NTA – Not The A**hole
- YTA – You’re The A**hole
- NAH – No A**holes Here
- ESH – Everyone Sucks Here
Redditors declared our OP was NOT the A**hole.
It’s a tricky situation.
Let’s hear some thoughts…
“NTA. It’s always the ‘nice guys’ who go nuts when women reject them because they think they’re super duper special.” ~ Katniss339
“Nice is a bare minimum.”
“I’m nice to my mail carrier, my boss and hairdresser because they are also nice to me.”
“We’re not trying to date.”
“It’s just being a semi-decent human being.”
“In my experience these guys aren’t willing to accept anyone who is just nice themselves.”
“They’re the first ones to refer to a woman as ‘butter face’ or say she’d be cool if she’d lose 20#, wear some make-up and you know, put in some effort.” ~ RedCorundum
“They don’t understand that nobody wants to be with or around someone who is only pretending to be a good person.”
“It’s honestly just sad, because it really shows the kinds of relationships that they grew up around and consider normal.”
“They see every interaction as a battle of manipulation, and that isn’t something most people are born doing.”
“They see being ‘nice’ as a big effort they made on her behalf that was unappreciated, like pulling out all the stops and making a grand show that she enjoyed and only said something about not being interested after he’d finished the work.”
“Honestly, I think that most of the time it’s not even this so much as not even understanding what other people really want or how they think.”
“The ‘nice guy’ thinks that everyone is just faking everything all the time.”
“And so they try to imitate the behaviors that seem to get other people what the ‘nice guy’ wants.”
“Without even having the capacity to understand why they’re acting that way.”
“He gets frustrated because he doesn’t understand why it doesn’t work for him, when it seems to work for everyone else.”
“He can’t even see the real difference because he only thinks about relationships and communication in terms of manipulation.”
“Using the right words and actions to get what he wants.”
“And when it fails he blames factors he can’t control because from his perspective he’s done everything he can.” ~ pfundie
“And what pisses me off big time, is the fact that the ‘friend zone’ does actually exist, YOU NEED TO BE ACTUAL FRIENDS FOR THAT!!”
“Yeah, you can definitely become friends with somebody and decide not to throw that away for dating or anything else, but doesn’t happen often.”
“‘Nice guy’ over here just got flat out rejected.”
“This has as much to do with the friend zone as I have with being a 15th century painter.”
“I’m not a 15th century painter, for your information.” ~ Superior91
“The reason that I hate the phrase ‘friend zone’ is because it implies that being friends, even close friends with someone, is bad.” ~ Glittering_knave
“Ugh. This. I was Maid of Honor at my sister’s wedding & one of the groomsmen lived nearby.”
“So he was helping us do a lot of setup the day before.”
“One of my cousins would not shut up about how my sister must have friendzoned him”
“And how it was so sad that he’d help her marry another guy.”
“No. They were friends.” ~ UnrulyNeurons
“100% with you on that.”
“I’ve been ‘friend zoned’ multiple times and it’s great!”
“Multiple people I met on dating apps are some of my best friends right now.”
“We just never would have worked out in a romantic way but by staying friends I get to keep them in my life.” ~ Meechgalhuquot
“I can understand being sad or upset that your feelings for someone aren’t reciprocated.”
“That can be painful.”
“But the way some people carry on about it, like the only reason to talk to someone or do things with them or care about them is if you’re eventually going to f**k them… like, don’t you have friends?”
“Don’t you have people whose company you value for non-sex-related reasons?”
“I wound up friends with this guy in college, who initially wanted to date me, but I wasn’t interested.”
“Instead, I wound up being his emotional support while he dated other girls, or stressed about classes, and he supported me when I was having issues.”
“It was a valuable relationship that I think would have been much harder if we’d dated and I’d become one of his exes.”
“Years later, I was happy to go to his wedding, so I don’t think he minded ‘the friendzone’ with me.” ~ Thesafflower
“NTA and ‘friendzone’ is the dumbest incel concept.”
“You either get rejected or you don’t.”
“And as the rejectee it’s your fault if you follow around the person that rejected you as if you’re some kind of sad puppy dog.”
“Seriously your male friend needs to sack up and grow up.” ~ Interesting-Month-56
“NTA he sounds like the typical nice guy/incel stereotype.”
“Who cares if he was a perfect gentlemen on the date If your friend wasn’t into in she wasn’t into him.”
“Being a ‘gentlemen’ should be the bare minimum on a first date it doesn’t guarantee him anything.”
“The friend zone is a concept created by men who get rejected and can’t handle it.”
“You are right it doesn’t exist.”
“He needs to act like an adult, realize your friend wasn’t interested and move on and quit sulking.” ~ Aware_Economics4980
“The ‘why, I was a gentleman’ thing really exposes him.”
“He thinks he did all the right moves, ticked all the right boxes- and in exchange decides she owes him something.”
“He thinks women are machines you put Nice Tokens into until sex falls out.”
“Call me crazy, CRAZY, but I maybe perhaps don’t believe anyone’s actually called him Nice; and rather he’s Decided he’s universally nice, so he’s never the problem.” ~ myBOfuelsmissiles
“NTA. A better way to explain it though would be that guys put themselves in the friendzone.”
“No one is forcing him to be friends with someone he doesn’t view as a friend.”
“That’s a choice he makes and the moment he realizes that he doesn’t have to, his views on the friendzone will change.” ~ Any-Chipmunk5197
“NTA, personally I don’t care for this whole concept of a friend zone.”
“Sometimes people just aren’t into you like that.”
“If they happen to want to be friends, that’s not a consolation prize to be salty about.”
“I guess I dunno if it was necessarily your responsibility to tell him how she thought.”
“But maybe for the best so she didn’t need to be subjected to his reaction to finding out.”
“It’s just one date, he will live.” ~ True_Being_1775
Well OP, Reddit is here for you.
And clearly they’re willing to talk to your bud personally.
Love and boys sure can be messy.