There is a time and place for everything.
Laughter and love, vitriol and rage.
Everything has a proper place and time.
What happens, though, when someone decides that their child is excluded from those practices?
That was the issue facing Redditor and Original Poster (OP) snappie259 when they came to the “Am I the A**hole” (AITA) subReddit for judgment.
“AITA for telling my coworker not to bring her child?”
OP got right to the scenario at hand.
“I And my coworkers (mostly late 20 And early 30) all without children decided to have early christmas party just for our department next week.”
“We plan to go to a pub around 7 pm, get some beers and so on.”
“We made a group chat and started to discuss where to go and what time… the regular.”
“One of our coworkers is friend with coworker on maternity leave so they add her to the chat too.”
“She was happy to come and told us she will attend with her son who is currently 5 months.”
Everything was fine, until…
“I told her that I don’t think it’s good idea to take him with her since we really probably gonna be loud and drinking and he s gonna be crying and it’s also kinda late.”
“She told me it’s fine and that she is taking him everywhere with her, she even took him to her husband’s conference where he has presentation and he didn’t cry much.”
“Others join me and told her that it’s not the best environment for child and if she does not have babysitter we can change to more suitable day.”
“But she said she does not want to be separated from her baby and called us a**holes. The only person who took her side was her friend.”
OP was left to wonder,
“So are we the a**holes?”
Having explained the situation, OP turned to Reddit for judgment.
Redditors weighed in by declaring:
- NTA – Not The A**hole
- YTA – You’re The A**hole
- NAH – No A**holes Here
- ESH – Everyone Sucks Here
Redditors decided: NTA
Many agreed with OP’s logic.
“I hate when people want to drag their baby everywhere. Not everything is a kid event. Sometimes we want not-baby events.” ~ mammaistired
“I always feel like an a**hole when I have adult only events. I have two and sometimes I want to eat food when it’s hot and not worry about where I put my drink and actually have a conversation!”
“Kids don’t have to go everywhere.” ~ and_you_were_there
Honestly this whole conversation is spectacular.
“It’s called self-care. It’s called adult time. It’s important for us to be not mom/dad and just us.” ~ mammaistired
“We really need to tell each other this more often!” ~ and_you_were_there
“I’ll happily tell you any time you need it!”
“From one mama to another, you need to have it reinforced regularly that you’re a person before everything else.”
“And if that feels too selfish, remind yourself that when your bucket is full you’re always a better parent.”~ justmaybemaggie
“This is one of the reasons I just decided to stop pumping.”
“I was not producing more than 6 oz a DAY and it took half of my day just to get that.”
“I am sleep deprived as it is, trying to keep the house tidy, care for my first son and the baby, cook dinner, and pump while he naps…”
“It was too much and I was breaking down crying some days/nights. I finally decided”
‘”When your bucket is full you’re always a better parent.”‘
“This is so true.”
“Yesterday and today was a MUCH better day than I’ve had in weeks and I actually got to see my son smile for the first time! And it was glorious!” ~ bettyannveronica
Commenters saw this as a vibe issue, not a baby issue.
“The baby would most likely sleep through it all, so if asleep it wouldn’t matter really.”
“However, it’s an adult event and a baby changes the vibe ALOT!”
“Like, everyone talks about the baby.”
“Holds the baby.”
“It becomes the center of the party for a while.”
“That’s fine sometimes. But it’s not always appropriate or wanted.”
“When I go to a pub my kids stay home (unless it’s a family style pub where other families are bringing their children)” ~ mammaistired
“My dad’s a college hoops fanatic.”
“Like, other than a few very lean years, my parents had season tickets.”
“When I was a baby, they had seats in the very highest seats in the nosebleeds, and there was conveniently just enough room between their seat backs and the wall for a bassinet.”
“I managed through up to 13k roaring, rowdy fans.”
“So unless it’s a fussy baby, I agree with you, the issue will more likely be how the baby changes the adult party rather than the actual baby itself.” ~ KaliTheBlaze
Some pointed out that there are consequences for children.
“If you want to be attached at the hip to your kid, be prepared to not attend adult only functions.”
“Having a child is a choice, not a disability, and insisting that people accommodate your choice to their own detriment is super tacky and rude.”
“Please disinvite this person who obviously needs psychological help for her main character syndrome.” ~ Usagi_Shinobi
“If you hadn’t tried to offer an alternative of rescheduling so she could come without the baby, I’d say reconsider your stance on not wanting the baby.”
“But when you offered to change the date to one that worked FOR HER and she GOT MAD, yeah, if there are any AHs here, it’s the mother.”
“Not to mention a crowded pub is a great way for someone so young to catch something, and such a young child is not NEARLY so capable of fighting off viruses or infections as adults.”
“If she’s loves her child that much, she shouldn’t WANT to take him/her out to such places so soon!” ~ melissapete24
“A pub crawl is not a kid-friendly activity. Kids/babies also change the dynamics of gatherings.”
“That’s just the reality of it.”
“The group has expressed their discomfort with the tiny uninvited guest, so this woman needs to get a babysitter or decline the invite.”
“Also, who TF would think it’s good idea to bring a kid to a pub/bar?”
“A location dedicated to drinking + babies = bad idea.”
“Sis needs to get a grip. If the husband’s conference was a professional one, I’m sure the other conference attendees didn’t appreciate a baby that ‘didn’t cry much’ in their professional space.” ~ Electrical-Date-3951
“A pub is definitely not a place for an infant (if they’re even allowed in in the first place).”
“An unfortunate sacrifice of being a parent is missing out on things because you need to take care of your kid.”
“It sucks missing out on things, but if you’re not ready to be separated from your baby, then you’re not ready to be places where having a baby with you isn’t appropriate.” ~ finallyinfinite
Though, some got right to the point.
“Why has this just become a giant discussion on whether or not having a baby in a bar/pub/brewery/bar&grill/etc. is appropriate or not?”
“Or whether the baby’s young age affects the decision either.”
“This particular group wants to have an adult’s only event by majority.”
“It doesn’t matter why this particular baby won’t probably be a problem or not.”
“In my opinion, this situation would be the same thing as if her friend’s wanted to have a “girl’s night” and this one friend was insisting that she be allowed to bring her husband since, “He won’t even say anything. He’s just going to sit there.”’
“That’s NOT the point.”
“The point is that the group, by consensus, doesn’t want the baby (or ANY children for that matter) there at all.”
“Everybody seems to want to justify why a young baby is different and damn near every parent believes that their child is the most well behaved child in the world too!”
“That’s NOT the point.”
“The wishes of the group should be the only thing that matters here. NTA” ~ Willing_Recording222
OP did return with some final thoughts.
“Nobody start conversation without her or left her out.”
“The girl who started the chat didn’t have her phone number so the friend of hers added her. We intended to invite her all along.”
“Also I am on friendly terms with her.”
“I like her.”
“We are work friends I would say. Not hanging out outside of work but before she gave birth we usually took lunches together and went for few conferences together and it was fine and fun.”
“English isn’t my first language so excuse my mistakes. I am not in US, UK or Australia. We live in Europe.”
“I would also appreciate if people would keep their nasty messages for themselves. Telling me they hope I will kill myself or that I will lose my baby is really f*cked up. So calm down”
Sometimes, we all deserve a break.