One of the biggest obstacles when planning a wedding is who’s going to pay for what.
Gone are the days when the parents of the bride are expected to foot the entire bill for the wedding, even though many are still more than happy to.
More often than not though, most brides and grooms prefer to pay for their weddings themselves, mainly because it gives them the freedom to have their wedding exactly the way they want.
Redditor Relevant-Ostrich-352 and her fiancé had their dream wedding all planned and were ready to pay for it.
Until the original poster (OP)’s parents expressed how they really wanted their wedding to be a bit more to their liking.
The OP was willing to give her mother what she wanted, under one non-negotiable condition.
A condition the OP’s mother was not willing to oblige.
Wondering if she was being unreasonable, the OP took to the subReddit “Am I The a**hole” (AITA), where she asked fellow Redditors:
“AITA for telling my parents they have to pay for my wedding.”
The OP stated that if her parents wanted her wedding the way they wanted, they would have to do one certain thing.
“I (28 F[emale]) am getting married to a pretty great guy (32).”
“He is a teacher, and he is very happy with his decision to become a teacher.”
“I work for a tech company, and we do pretty well financially.”
“We have been together for four years and have finally decided to get married.”
“His parents are happy, and mine are overjoyed.”
“One small wrinkle is that my parents expect us to have a massive church wedding with a few hundred guests.”
“We were thinking Jamaica this summer during his time off.”
“We are willing to do what my parents want, but I am unwilling to foot the bill.”
“My mom and I met with a wedding planner for an estimate.”
“$35-$45 thousand dollars.”
“If we go to the resort we have picked out it will cost like $10,000.”
“And that includes paying for his parents and nephew to join us.”
“My parents know how much money I earn and are insisting that I pay for the wedding myself.”
“We have been very clear.”
“If they want to show off to their friends, they can pay for it.”
“We even volunteered to throw in the money we would have spent on my in-laws for the destination wedding we want.”
“My mom says I’m being an a**hole by denying her the chance to see her only daughter married in front of friends and family.”
“I’m not. I’m just not willing to pay for it.”
“My parents can afford to pay for the wedding.”
“It might just mean putting off replacing their car this year.”
“AITA?”
Fellow Redditors weighed in on where they believed the OP fell in this particular situation, by declaring:
- NTA: Not the A**hole
- YTA: You’re the A**hole
- ESH: Everybody Sucks Here
- NAH: No A**holes Here
The Reddit community was in agreement that the OP was not the a**hole for insisting that her parents pay for the wedding.
Everyone agreed that the OP was absolutely right in believing that if her parents wanted her to have a bigger, church wedding, then they would have to pay for it, with others urging her not to even give them the option, and just have her wedding the way she and her fiancé want.
“NTA.”
“If it’s that important to your parents, they can pay for it.”
“But beware of any strings that might come along with them footing the bill.”- TheDrunkScientist
“NTA.”
“If they want the $40k wedding, then they pay for it.”
“Otherwise, stick to your $10k plan.”
“In fact, do that anyway.”
“That’s what you and your partner want, and this is YOUR wedding.”- KronkLaSworda
“NTA.”
“This is why I eloped lol.”
“Honestly the audacity of your mother to EXPECT a wedding you don’t want and also not want to pay for it is astounding.”
“Do what makes you happy.”
“Don’t back down on this.”- anonwidow321
“Based on the title alone, I was so ready to say Y T A, but this is a clearcut NTA.”
“You’re willing to pay for what you want; if parents want more, then it should be on them to finance it.”
“If they refuse to do so, then they have no say, it’s that simple really.”
“Oh, and there’s also this tiny detail that it’s YOUR wedding, NOT theirs.”- chriswillar
“NTA.”
“Your mom can have the wedding she pays for.”
“You don’t want a wedding, she does.”
“You want to go to Jamaica.’
‘It’s your money, mom doesn’t get to tell you how to spend it.”
“Best wishes on your upcoming Jamaican wedding or honeymoon.”
“Mom either comes to the wedding, or she doesn’t.”
“No one is entitled to a wedding on someone else’s dime.”- elderoriens
“NTA.”
“Do the wedding you want to do.”
“Don’t feel pressured to have their wedding even if they do agree to foot the bill.”-sanguinepsychologist
“NTA.”
“Your parents (your mom specifically) are trying to force you to make their wedding dream a reality.”
“That’s really weird.”
“I’m with you, if they really want that, they can foot the bill – it’s for their friends anyway.”
“It’s your wedding, you get to decide where and how you want to do it.”
“Congratulations!!!”- IamIrene
“NTA.”
“Your wedding, your budget.”
“If they want something different, they need to pay for it.”- thirdtryisthecharm
“NTA.”
“If they want the big wedding, they have to pay for it.”-LionThunder1
“NTA.”
“Your parents are being ridiculous thinking they have a say in your wedding.”
“If they paid, you shouldn’t give in and do their vision.”
“Friends and family aren’t as invested in witnessing your wedding as your parents may think.”
“Do it your way with your money.”-thewhiterosequeen
“NTA.”
“When they make such demands, it‘s on them to contribute their fair share.”- realstareyes
“NTA. One of my biggest regrets was letting my mother have too much control over my wedding.”
“Have the wedding YOU want to have.”- MickeyWaffles420
“NTA.”
“The fact you are willing to pay for the wedding on your own terms, but they won’t accept that is sh*tty enough as is, but the fact that they want an extravagant wedding but want YOU to pay for it out of pocket is super selfish.”
“It seems like they see the wedding as more about them than anything else.”
“Just do the wedding you want to do.”- Cloudless_VR
“Nope NTA.”
“Her demands, her pocketbook.”
“I’d go with what YOU want.”
“If your mom wants something else she can throw a party for herself.”- herdingcats2020
“NTA.”
“If your mum wants to spend that much on a wedding, she can renew her own vows, not make demands, or dictate how you want to say yours.”- mythicalkitten
“NTA. This is why I eloped lol.”
“Honestly the audacity of your mother to EXPECT a wedding you don’t want and also not want to pay for it is astounding.”
“Do what makes you happy.”
“Stick to your guns on this.”- anonwidow321
“NTA but you don’t want them to pay for your wedding.”
“Have the wedding you want and don’t let them near the planning.”
“If they pay, then they are going to dictate exactly how the wedding is.”
“With their money you might as well check out of planning and just be surprised on your wedding day.”- DanInBham1
“NTA.”
“If they want to make the wedding about them, then they can foot the bill.”
“If not, I’d say go with your plans in Jamaica.”- DisgruntledPelican54
“NTA.”
“If they want the big wedding, they pay for it.”
“Simple enough.”
“If not, then they have no say in what you do with your money.”
“When I was getting married, my grandmother tried pulling that with me.”
“We went to this cousin’s wedding they need to be invited!'”
“Doesn’t matter.”- RevRagnarok
“NTA.”
“If they want a big wedding, then they need to pay for it.”- murphy2345678
‘The only A H move you made is even considering it at all.”
“You simply tell them ‘we are paying for the wedding we want, where we want it. End of discussion’.”
“NTA.”- Lovebeingadad54321
“NTA.”
“Imo ‘your mother’s wedding’ sounds awful, but if you are willing to have your wedding be for her, yeah she should pay for it.”- ServelanDarrow
“NTA.”
“I planned a small wedding, my mom wanted a bigger one, I told her she could pay.”
“She called my damned bluff, but she paid, and I had a larger wedding.”
“You shouldn’t pay for her dreams on your day.”- PainterClear7130
“NTA.”
“You should do YOUR wedding YOUR way.”- filkerdave
“NTA. Go to Jamaica.”
“They can join you or not.”- HoneySignificant105
It would be one thing if the OP expected her parents to pay for an extravagant wedding.
But she didn’t and was all set to pay for the wedding she and her fiancé wanted.
If her parents aren’t satisfied with that and want it to be bigger and better, then it only seems fair that they should cover the cost.