Everybody has an opinion.
Everybody has a best way to do many things.
And it is fine to stay rigid in your ways all you want, until you have to learn how to compromise.
Once you’re in a relationship, everybody’s opinions matter.
And it isn’t always an easy mingling.
Case in point…
Redditor Rub5120 wanted to discuss her story for some feedback. So naturally she came to visit the “Am I The A**hole” (AITA) subReddit.
“AITA for ‘losing it’ after my boyfriend sat me down for a PET intervention?”
The Original Poster (OP) explained:
“I (F[emale]25) have two dogs. ‘Abby’ (15) and ‘Sam’ (4). Both were rescues.”
“My boyfriend ‘Jim’ moved in with me three months ago and I’m losing my mind.”
“Jim had pets growing up and is a self proclaimed ‘expert’.”
“Inherently I have no issues with this, but since moving in, he micromanages everything I do with my dogs.”
“I feed my dogs two meals a day.”
“The first meal is usually in the morning before I start work around 9am.”
“When I’m in the kitchen, the dogs will sit near me and wait until I set the food down.”
“Jim thinks it’s selfish of me to make myself a coffee before feeding the dogs, since food > coffee.”
“If I feed them a little later e.g. 9:30am, then he makes small snide comments.”
“He thinks it’s easier to feed the dogs first then make myself a coffee and says it’s an easy, small change.”
“Currently, I walk my dogs during my lunch break at 12:30.”
“But Jim thinks I should also take the dogs for a walk first thing in the morning, because they have pent up energy in the morning and would be more relaxed.”
“He cites Sam’s morning zoomies as boredom and lacking mental stimulation.”
“I buy Sam toys twice a year (Abby doesn’t like them), on her ‘birthday’ and Christmas.”
“I usually buy them within 6 weeks and shop whatever deal is available, but Jim thinks I should buy them more toys.”
“Since moving in, he’s bought around 10 new toys and every time I tell him it’s too much, he tells me it’s the ‘bare minimum’ to get toys for your dogs.”
“I don’t take his suggestions and I think it frustrates him.”
“Yesterday, I came home and he tells me we have to talk.”
“I sit down, and kid you not, he begins holding an intervention on my treatment of my pets.”
“Honestly, I lost it.”
“I began shouting and asked him to get out.”
“He told me he was only looking out for me and my dogs, but reluctantly left after refusing for 15 minutes.”
“Animal cruelty is a serious issue, but the micro passive aggressiveness and subtle digs are frustrating, especially when my dogs are well loved and looked after.”
“My friends told me I could’ve tried out his suggestions and yelling wasn’t the right thing to do so.”
Redditors shared their thoughts on this matter and weighed some options to the question AITA?:
- Not The A**hole
- YTA – You’re The A**hole
- NAH – No A**holes Here
- ESH – Everyone Sucks Here
Redditors declared our OP was NOT the A**hole.
It’s a tricky situation.
Let’s hear some thoughts…
“NTA. Rehome the boyfriend.” ~ Consistent-Leopard71
“Yeah. What should I say?”
“I would gladly say you done enough for your pet already OP.”
“They are happy, you are happy.”
“The problem is your BF OP 😂.”
“Rehome/Replace him, Your pet your House then whats the problem, NTA.” ~ BOSSBABY33
“He’s clearly around a lot and not terribly busy if he frequently notices that OP is making coffee first.”
“I’m not understanding why he can’t put food in their bowls if it bothers him so much.”
“Same with walks.”
“If he is so insistent that they need a proper walk in the morning, then he can do it!”
“Moving in with your partner means sharing responsibilities.” ~ SoulRebel726
“Maybe I’m just stubborn but that would annoy me too.”
“She said he is buying more toys and it’s ‘too much’ — unless the dog is destroying toys then that’s just more and more clutter.”
“But it would still feel like a control issue because he’s still refusing to accept that what she’s doing is a perfectly fine way to take care of a dog.”
“He’d be doing it from the perspective of ‘she’s not doing it right so I have to step in.'”
“Like, choosing to feed the dogs earlier because you prefer it that way is different than choosing to feed the dogs earlier because you don’t think your SO is doing it right.”
“I don’t think the solution is for him to think that he ‘needs’ to take control of the situation and do it himself.”
“I think the solution is for him to let go and accept that he doesn’t need to control this situation in any way.” ~ Meloetta
“It bothered me he had all these suggestions but didn’t make a move to do them himself.”
“He lives there now too.”
“If he thinks the dogs should be fed earlier then he should get up with OP and feed them while she makes her coffee.”
“If he thinks they need more exercise then he should set aside some time to take them on extra walks or offer to build a play course in the backyard.”
“If these were big issues that were truly important to him, he would implement the changes instead of just demanding them of her and watching as they aren’t done.”
“He just sounds like one of those people that like to lord their self proclaimed knowledge over your head. NTA.” ~ Msbhavn69
“Dog behavior specialist here: your dogs have a great life, get rid of the BF.”
“Also, he’d throw a FIT over my dog’s life.”
“She’s fed one meal in the evening, has about 3-4 toys she loves but rarely plays with, and doesn’t have a regular walk schedule.”
“She gets walked, just usually on my day off since that’s the only day I have time.” ~ Witchywomun
“NTA. What I find funny is if Jim is SO concerned about the dogs getting walked and fed at a certain time why doesn’t he do it himself instead of saying passive aggressive comments?” ~ minimimi573
OP came back to respond to a few questions and comments.
“I was unclear on the pets exercise schedule so here is what I replied to.”
“We have a backyard which they have a doggy door and 24/7 access to, I don’t make them hold their bladder until then.”
“Apart from sporadic zoomies, the dogs are sleeping on the couch or in the backyard until their first walk.”
“They get two other walks, one around 5 and one before bed.”
“The morning walk (12:30) is about 40-60 mins for Abby and 1.5 hours for Sam.”
“The evening walk we go on a trail at a park near our house, roughly the same amount of time.”
“The night walk is just a 20/30 minute walk around the block, mainly to go bathroom and get last minute energy out.”
Thoughts on Reddit continued…
“I love my dog and spoil the crap out of her but OP is SOOOO NTA.”
“The dogs are fine if she has her coffee first.”
“Waiting an extra 30 mins for food won’t kill them, i don’t think they’ll even notice.”
“Also they get fed twice a day so they’re obviously not starving.”
“And too many toys can clutter up the house.”
“Dogs realistically don’t need that many toys especially if one of them doesn’t even like toys!”
“Why buy something your dog doesn’t like?”
“I buy my dog a bunch of toys and she has a few select favorites and basically ignores the others.”
“She’s happy with just like 3-4 toys.”
“OP’s dogs seem perfectly cared for and she’s doing a great job.”
“Her bf needs to get a grip and devote all that energy into doing something actually useful.” ~ buckyspunisher
“Also BF is full of crap.”
“I read somewhere that when your pet has zoomies, it’s a sign they’re super happy.”
“It’s like a little kid jumping up and down because they’re just SO excited, but in animal form.”
“A zoomie pet is a happy pet.” ~ TheFoolReversed
“He’s doing this because he thinks he’s smarter than OP.”
“It has nothing to do with the dogs and everything to do with him trying to establish dominance in the apartment.”
“He needs to leave the apartment before becomes a problem.”
“Whether that means ending the relationship or not is up to OP.” ~ UnqualifiedIT
“NTA. All pets just don’t work out together sometimes.”
“Jim doesn’t fit in with the pack. Bring him back to the the shelter and give them a donation.”
“They would rather you do that than have an unhappy home. HA.” ~ Loreo1964
OP let us in on a few more details and an update on Jim.
“Sam gets more than two toys a year!”
“I just will typically buy them twice a year and shop sales such as buy 1 get 50% off and ‘gift’ them on birthdays/Christmas because it’s fun.”
“We average about 6 new toys a year, but she is a gentle giant and I’ve only had to throw 1 toy away because she threw up on it and the smell wouldn’t go away.”
“I’m not angry that he’s buying them toys (though I think the quantity is too much).”
“But because it always becomes a subtle dig to me and he makes it out like they’re deprived and he’s doing ‘the bare minimum’.”
“Jim is currently at a friends house, I didn’t make him homeless.”
Being a fur baby parent is a very intimate responsibility.
And pet mistreatment is despicable.
But according to Reddit, it looks like OP is doing just fine.
And Jim may need to do a little more research on his expertise.