Family is not easy.
That is a hard lesson we learn as we age.
Sometimes the most toxic people we know are the ones who share our DNA.
That realization can have lifelong ramifications.
Case in point…
Redditor FutureeMacaronn wanted to discuss her story for some feedback. So naturally she came to visit the “Am I The A**hole” (AITA) subReddit.
She asked:
“AITA for walking out of my sister’s birthday party after she announced she was pregnant?”
The Original Poster (OP) explained:
“Growing up, my sister (26) and I (23 F[emale]), were not that close.”
“She was my parent’s favorite daughter.”
“I have always been a little overweight, I had Polycystic ovary syndrome PCOS, my sister was slim and fit.”
“I always held that resentment towards her, especially when she belittled me with my mom.”
“Not letting me eat more than one serving of dinner or more than one serving of dessert.”
“Telling me that sleeping in was making me gain weight.”
“She always overshadowed my accomplishments.”
“My sister married when she was 23 to a wealthy man (28) from our community.”
“We’re Indian, her marriage was arranged. “
“They have 3 beautiful kids. I love my niece and nephews more than anything.”
“I married my husband (26) two years ago and we have been trying for a baby for almost one year.
“My sister always said that it was because I brought shame to my parents for marrying outside our culture that I couldn’t have a baby.”
“After many negative pregnancy tests, a few months ago, we finally had a positive pregnancy test.”
“Unfortunately, when I was four months, I had a miscarriage. I was devastated.”
“I couldn’t believe what was going on.”
“Two months after our tragedy, my family threw my sister a birthday party.”
“There she and her husband announced they were pregnant.”
“My heart did ache, but I was happy for them.”
“As the evening went on, my sister kept making comments like, ‘we weren’t even trying for a baby’, ‘It so funny how we get pregnant so easily.'”
“Just as I thought things couldn’t get worse.”
“We were standing with cousins when my sister said ‘We didn’t even want more kids, I was almost contemplating having an abortion.'”
“She said all that while looking at me.”
“I am all for women having abortions, but having my sister use it as a weapon against me.”
“”Showing off how fertile she is, how she was contemplating having an abortion after they decided to keep the baby and announce it.”
“That really hurt me.”
“I was so upset and frustrated.”
“My husband noticed the change in my emotions immediately.”
“We said goodbye to my parents and let the party immediately.”
“I got many texts from my sister and our cousins calling me jealous and an a**hole for walking out on my sister’s birthday party, and not being part of their pregnancy celebration.”
“My husband and our friends say that I had all the rights to feel the way I did, but I’m not sure.
“So, am I the asshole?”
Redditors shared their thoughts on this matter and weighed some options to the question AITA?:
- NTA – Not The A**hole
- YTA – You’re The A**hole
- NAH – No A**holes Here
- ESH – Everyone Sucks Here
Redditors declared our OP was NOT the A**hole.
It’s a tricky situation.
Let’s hear some thoughts…
“NTA. Your family sounds like they suck.” ~ dahimi
“Yes. OP for your mental health please distance yourself from these people.”
“I will also say that I find that happy people generally don’t need to hurt other people.”
“The sister was definitely trying to hurt OP which makes me think she isn’t as happy as she is trying to present herself.” ~ yonk182
“First, NTA.”
“Unfortunately some people are born with a bad brain.”
“A subset of those people have conditions that aren’t really treatable.”
“A tiny subset of that subset have such a bad confluence of negative modifiers they are basically born monsters.”
“Some people walk a knife edge where they can be pushed one way or the other.”
“Some people are predisposed to being good or evil.”
“Sometimes you get a monster in a human suit the same way you sometimes get a saint.” ~ CaptRory
“Fellow Desi here. This post could be called ‘Tell me your Indian without telling me your Indian.'”
“I see these toxic behaviors in our communities too often to count.”
“Why is it that marrying outside your culture ‘brings shame’ enough to deny you motherhood apparently, but constantly humiliating and being cruel to your family doesn’t?”
“I’m so over this crap mindset. NTA.”
“Get these people out of your life.” ~ fns1981
“OP ignore your vile sister.”
“If you can’t conceive maybe adoption is a last option for you.”
“I have a lovely friend who has PCOS as well and she tried and tried but it didn’t work out.”
“We live in the USA and she fostered and ended up adopting 3 wonderful kids even though they have some health issues.”
“They are all siblings and she and her husband gave them a loving home.”
“Even though the issues they face makes life hectic with appointments and doctors visits those kids are awesome.”
“I love when we get to spend time with them.”
“She is a hero in my mind to have taken all that on and shows grace and love.”
“I wish you the absolute best on your journey to parenthood.”
“No matter which path you find yourself on.”
“The live you have to give is precious and I hope you get your family.”
Kick sister out of your happy family. “
“You do not have to put up with that. Op you are unequivocally NTA.” ~ LegoAddict867
“From what OP wrote, it seems like the sister has been taught from early childhood that making OP feel bad is what you do.”
“She belittled her together with their mom when they were kids.”
“It’s absolutely possible that may just be ‘normal’ for her: OP’s around, let’s twist the knife a little.”
“OP is still NTA, but I’m mostly pissed at the mother.”
“That’s a horrible thing to do to her daughters.” ~ HoldFastO2
“Like, literally the entire family from her sister, her parents and her cousins (since they also decided to message her afterward) all absolutely suck.”
“I also have a hard time believing the sister was actually considering abortion purely for the way she’s so flippantly throwing this information around at a party?”
“Who does that? She was out to purposefully hurt her sister, as seems to be her natural response, and nothing else.”
“This is the result of a spoiled child given everything in life and has had zero development of empathy.”
“That’s what concerns me the most.”
“OP you definitely did the right thing by leaving and not allowing your sister to throw this bull at you any further.”
“And, please, continue not letting her do it.”
“NTA And I’m very sorry for your loss.” ~ BlazingApp965
“NTA, you sister is a jerk.”
“I have PCOS, I’m sorry for your loss, I ended up seeing a fertility specialist and it helped a lot.”
“You may not need to go that route but just know there are options out there that help.”
“Distancing from these people may be the best thing, the less stress the better.” ~ Christinemfm_84
“As an Indian American I feel you, I am sorry for you.”
“Let go off those a**holes, they are toxic people, it doesn’t matter if they are family.”
“You didn’t do anything wrong by marrying outside the culture, you are better off for it.”
“Let them all go, you will breathe a sigh of relief. Hugs.” ~ cell_queen
“You are born into a family but you don’t have to keep being family.”
“Sometimes friends fill that gap. Family is someone you can count on.”
“Distance and disengage. If you get negative messages, have the strength to block them.”
“You have to wonder how insecure or evil your sis is that she takes pleasure in hurting you. Good luck.” ~ PandaTampa
“NTA-You should heavily consider going low to no contact.”
“Your sister sounds horrid. Truly horrid.”
“She has years of knowing what things to say to push your buttons and how to hurt you.”
“Don’t let her have that much power over you.”
“She had an arranged marriage and you married someone you loved.”
“You have more going for you than she does and that burns her britches.”
“In my opinion, I’d send one big group text to the sister and cousins and simply tell the truth.”
“You didn’t leave because you were jealous, you left because your sister knowing you recently had a loss decided to intentionally say things to bait you and put you down.”
“And you weren’t going to stand for it and while you’re happy for her, that doesn’t mean you have to put yourself on the hot end of her hatefulness.”
“Then, I’d totally block their a** on my phone and restrict their ability to reach me on any social app.” ~ Sea-Tea-4130
OP came back with an update on her situation…
“Thank you all for your comments.”
“I did forget to add that I have totally cut off my sister from my life.”
“I have blocked her and my cousins who had messaged me.”
“It’s a bit hard for me to cut off my parents, especially due to how I was brought up.”
“My husband has been a rock through all of this.”
“My in-laws support me like their own.”
“Thank you so much for your support!”
So happy OP has found her peace.
It’s still a sad situation by it looks like OP will find her way through.
Good luck OP!