Woman Outraged When She's Disinvited From Sister's Wedding After Demanding It Be Child-Free

Childhood trauma haunts almost every living soul.

There is so much that is left unexamined for far too long.

Family secrets and pain are often never discussed.

That can lead to some very deep internal wounds in adulthood.

And that pain boils over in ways that change relationships forever.

Case in point...

Redditor Old-Direction2968 wanted to discuss her experience and get some feedback. So naturally, she came to visit the "Am I The A**hole" (AITA) subReddit.

She asked:

"AITA for refusing to go to my sister's wedding, knowing that it means most of our family won't attend?"

The Original Poster (OP) explained:

"I (40 F[emale]) am significantly older than my sister, 25 F."

"As such, after she was born, I was repeatedly looked over and parentified by my parents in favor of her."

"Examples of this include giving my old clothes and toys to her (without my permission), rather than preserving them as a keepsake of my childhood."

"In short, my inner child has had to do a lot of healing over the years."

"I am in low contact with my parents and sister, but apparently, she is engaged and wants me to be a part of the wedding party."

"Now, I am not comfortable around children of any age."

"It is part of my trauma; being around them for me comes with a sense of responsibility that reminds me of the neglect I suffered at the hands of my family."

"My sister knows this, so I assumed, with her asking me to be in the wedding, that the wedding would be childfree."

"During a discussion, she mentioned her fiancé's best friend's daughter would be serving as flower girl, and our cousin's son would be the ring bearer."

"I reminded her that I would not be comfortable around children and expressed my disappointment that she would invite me to be in a wedding that is not childfree."

"She looked sad for a second and told me that there were many young children and families that were close to her and her fiancè and the day would feel 'incomplete' without them."

"And if I really wasn't comfortable around children to that extent, she would understand if I am unable to attend."

"I was shocked that she would uninvite me in favor of random kids, and it reminded me of being thrown aside in favor of her when we were young, so I left to collect myself."

"I attempted to ask my parents to talk some sense into her, but, surprise, surprise, they took her side."

"At this point, I was deeply hurt and needed an outlet, so I did something that might make me TA."

"I am friends with some other family members on Facebook, and I made a post about how my sister was kicking me out of the wedding and that my parents were taking her side, all because of the trauma that they contributed to themselves."

"I didn't go into detail because I didn't think it was anyone else's business; I just wanted to vent."

"Now, people are apparently refusing to go to my sister's wedding unless I am reinstated as part of the wedding."

"She and my parents are begging me to come but still refusing to budge on the children being there, so it doesn't make much of a difference to me."

"I do feel bad because I didn't know that our family would refuse to come, but I cannot go to an event that has that many children running around or retract my statement because I don't want the family to think I lied."

The OP was left to wonder:

"AITA for refusing to go?"

Redditors shared their thoughts on this matter and weighed some options to the question AITA:

• NTA - Not The A**hole
• YTA – You're The A**hole
• NAH – No A**holes Here
• ESH - Everyone Sucks Here

Many Redditors declared OP WAS the A**hole.

"YTA. Your parents giving your hand-me-downs to your sister is not parentification. It's economics."

"You didn't lose your childhood because your sister wore your old sweatshirt or played in your old playpen."

"One could easily turn things around, and your sister could complain that she was treated worse because, while her older sister got all her things new, she had to make do with 15-year-old leftovers."

"Just because your sister has asked you to be at her side on one of the most important days of her life does not mean that she and her partner need to cater the entire event to your preferences."

"Their wedding is about them and what they want."

"Your sister didn't uninvite you."

"She accepted that you declined the invitation because, apparently, being within 100 feet of anyone under the age of 18 gives you hives."

"Blasting her all over social media deliberately omitting details so that she would look like the villain is the true cherry on the cake."

"'My sister wanted children as flower girl and ring bearer for her wedding, as is customary for almost every western-style wedding.'"

"'I'm gutted that she would dare to do this because I once babysat her as a teenager (also pretty standard).'"

"Look, maybe there are details that you omitted where you were actually neglected and abused by your family in favor of your younger sister."

"But the fact that you would choose to omit them rather than include them to support your point of view suggests to me that you know that you were not nearly as hard done by as you want people to believe."

"You're just selfish." ~ JPenelope

"Thiiiiis. I have 9 NINE younger siblings and I willingly gave them everything I could and was there for them as much as possible."

"I would go without treats and snacks so they could have them and it wasn't because my parents made me."

"Like, I'd split a candy bar with them when my parents weren't even home, and I could have easily hidden it from everyone."

"OP is a narcissist."

"There isn't much you can do for them, unfortunately."

"I'm actually thrilled she hates children."

"My mom kept popping them out BECAUSE she's a narcissist. 😩" ~ Chemical-Armadillo64

"This! I'm 8 years older than my younger brother, and I was always the one who took care of him on trips or when I was on visitation with our dad (he wasn't big on responsibility and definitely felt girls should be caretakers)."

"I love my brother, and my being there for him helped us be closer as adults."

"Those memories are golden for me."

"Having to babysit or care for a younger sibling at times is not parentification."

"This OP reeks of WANTING to have trauma."

"The whole 'I can't be around kids because my clothes were given to my sister' is ridiculous."

"I know people who actually had abusive, traumatic childhoods - and they don't act like this." ~ GotMutts

"AND, I realize that some wounds from childhood can be raw, but it was 25 years ago."

'Maybe there are some more severe incidents in OP's childhood that she failed to mention?"

"However, since this is a 'throwaway' account, why didn't she mention those?"

"Giving clothes and toys to a younger sibling is the way normal people/families operate."

"If there was a teddy bear or something that OP treasured, she should have put it aside WAY before little sis was born."

"It is also normal for the older siblings to take on a care role."

"Yes, OP, with the information you provided, I'm gonna say you're the AH." ~ rolychick

"100% Agree with you also. Obligatory Vote: YTA."

"Honestly, this post seems like rage bait."

"Especially if you read the examples OP gives of their abuse and neglect in the comments."

"OP sounds angry to have lost only child status, and it's surprising that the sister would even ask OP to be in the wedding."

"Certainly doesn't sound like OP did anything to deserve the invite."

"Like acting like a blood relative for example. 🙄" ~ AnimeFanatic_9000

"I'm saying this whole thing is fake since it seems to be designed to mock this sub's tendencies to side with teens and young adults over children and against parents. It's dumb."

"So are some of the typical Reddit takes that view a grumpy teenager tasked with chores into a parentified abused child."

"Anyway, YTA for this one OP." ~ ExemplaryVeggietable

"100% yes, and may I add: she expects her sister and fiancé to choose her over 'random kids.'"

"These are absolutely not random kids."

"They are his relative's children."

"Why would HE choose a 'random 40-year-old adult with unresolved issues' over his family/friends' kids for THEIR wedding?"

"So entitled... YTA." ~ camikita

"I would like to point out that she was not in any way, shape, or form 'uninvited.'"

"She requested a very unreasonable accommodation and implied that her attendance was conditional on that accommodation being met."

"OP is opting not to go."

"I get that she has trauma to the point that she cannot be in the same room as a child."

"That sucks, but that doesn't mean every room she wants to enter must be cleared of children first."

"Her request is the equivalent of someone being severely allergic to dogs asking that the bride not have her seeing-eye dog with her at her own wedding."

"OP can still choose to go or not. If her trauma is too much then she should choose to RSVP 'no.'"

"Claiming she was uninvited and creating a virtual mob against her sister makes her an a**hole. YTA." ~ TogarSucks

"YTA. You lied. That is why you are an a**hole."

"You were not uninvited, you CHOSE not to go."

"Don't foist your problems on others."

"Because we ALL KNOW the real reason you did not go into detail in the Facebook post."

"It is because everyone would see your reason is ridiculous and self-centered."

"Really, I hope your sister posts herself and calls out your lies, and I hope you have to apologize to her and all the family members you made look foolish." ~ The_A**hole_Judge

OP came back to chat...

"For those of you suggesting therapy, I am in therapy."

"My therapist is incredible and helped me realize how heavily my past has affected me."

"I have yet to discuss the Facebook post with her, but we'll see what she has to say."

Well, OP, Reddit has some serious issues with your choices.

Your pain and trauma is understandable. Maybe it's time for some family therapy.

That's if you even want to be a part of their lives.

But people can't dictate rules for other people's weddings because of personal triggers.

Good luck.