Paris, the city of lights, the city of love.
It is one of the world’s premiere engagement destinations.
So many couples have cemented their love in front of the Eiffel Tower.
It’s so legendary an act that it’s nearly cliché.
That’s why “jokes” about marriage in Paris may not always go over well with loved ones.
Redditor throwraliliti wanted to discuss her experience and get some feedback. So naturally, she came to visit the “Am I The A**hole” (AITA) subReddit.
She asked:
“AITA for not letting my partner ‘fake propose’ to me while on vacation?”
The Original Poster (OP) explained:
“My (F[emale] 28) partner (M[ale] 30) and I went on vacation last week for our 2-year anniversary and just got back two days ago.”
“It was a fantastic, amazing, and romantic vacation all up to the point when my partner suggested we ask a stranger to take a picture of us in a ‘fake proposal’ in front of the Eiffel Tower.”
“When he asked this, my heart started beating so fast. I immediately assumed he was saying ‘fake proposal’ as a ruse for a real proposal, which is not something we have talked about yet.”
“I think I just said, ‘Wait, what do you mean?’ and he said that proposal pictures in this spot were really popular and that we should ‘take the opportunity’ while we can.”
“I said that I wasn’t really interested in a fake proposal picture and that I thought it was weird that he would suggest that.”
“We moved on pretty quickly and went to dinner.”
“When we got back to our hotel that evening, I asked him about it since it had been on my mind, and I could tell that I had actually really upset him.”
“I asked him explicitly ‘Were you planning on actually proposing to me and I ruined it?’ and he said no, that he doesn’t think we are ready for that step (and for the record, I agree.)”
“Our relationship was long distance for the first 8 months, and I am planning on moving in with him when my lease is up in January).”
“He said that he always thought the proposal picture in front of the Eiffel Tower was really romantic and that he’s worried whenever he actually does propose, it won’t be as romantic as Paris.”
“So he wanted to get the picture while we could.”
“I apologized but told him that I was only interested in actual proposal pictures and that I would love them whenever/wherever it happened.”
“He has been pretty crestfallen since this conversation, and I really feel like I genuinely ruined something for him.”
“I called some friends when we got home and got mixed advice, some agreeing that it was a really odd request, and some saying I should have just taken the fake proposal photo, which would have been no harm done.”
The OP was left to wonder:
“AITA for not taking the photo with him?”
Redditors shared their thoughts on this matter and weighed some options to the question AITA:
- NTA – Not The A**hole
- YTA – You’re The A**hole
- NAH – No A**holes Here
- ESH – Everyone Sucks Here
Many Redditors declared OP was NOT the A**hole.
“NTA. It is weird.”
“And also tone deaf on his part.”
“Like, what was he planning on doing with the photos?”
“Anyone seeing them online would instantly think it was genuine before reading any accompanying text that explains it’s ‘fake.'”
“Which is just a d**kish move in itself.”
“The only way it would make sense is if he actually was planning on proposing and is too proud now to admit it.”
“But you don’t ‘spring’ a fake proposal idea for that.”
“You just ask a stranger to take a few photos, and they’ll quickly realize what’s happening.”
“Fake proposals aren’t romantic.”
“Even in front of the Eiffel Tower.”
“And if he’s bummed because he genuinely just wanted to do a fake proposal for s**ts and giggles and you said no, then boohoo, he’s an adult, tell him to get over it.” ~ AsparagusWTweak
“NTA. A real proposal, even if it’s taking place in your own unmade bed (which may or may not be based on my real experience), is infinitely more romantic than a fake one in front of the Eiffel Tower.”
“You’re a dear for caring about your partner’s feelings on that, but this request was kind of weird.” ~ alexandraadler
“NTA. I’m wondering if this was a way of him testing the waters.”
“He may have lied to save face when you asked him about it later.”
“Or, maybe he got cold feet when he got a hint of rejection from you.”
“I think it’s really worth another conversation about what you’re each feeling.”
“How he handles conflict will tell you a lot about him.”
“You’re relatively early on in a relationship.”
“If for some reason, this ends up giving you a weird feeling, you will be fine if this doesn’t work out.” ~ rombies
“I agree.”
“I have 1 good proposal picture from just after the proposal and the rest are all blurry because our friends (who took the pictures) didn’t hold the camera still (because they were excited).”
“I don’t care because the photos are all great to me because of the emotion behind it, not because of the place.”
“It was just at our friend’s place (he knew, he had the ring in his house for a few days already).”
“It wasn’t a romantic place, but the person made it perfect, not the place, not even the proposal itself.”
“Someone shouldn’t care about those things but should care about the person who makes it special.”
“And if that is at a romantic place, then that is awesome.”
“If not, it should be great anyway.” ~ Pollythepony1993
“OP, renew your lease and cancel this fake guy.” ~ Ok_Imagination_1107
“I thought the same as you.”
“And yeah, why on earth would they use a fake photo of their engagement?”
“NTA and I don’t think he’s an a**hole either.”
“Just overly influenced by what he’s seen online.” ~ doesanyuserealnames
“Tone deaf is exactly it!”
“Even I, who think the whole wedding industrial complex is an abomination, totally gets just how brazenly obtuse this is and how inadvertently cruel this could be.” ~ RNH213PDX
“NTA, your “fiancé” is.”
“This is something that is serious that you don’t screw around with.”
“I would be very hurt, and quite angry to the point I would make him prove he’s serious about the relationship.”
“That is so hurtful.” ~ ihate_snowandwinter
“NTA. On the one hand, he’s right that he might not have as romantic a spot to propose when the time comes.”
“But WTF are you supposed to do with ‘fake’ proposal pictures?”
“Save them until you get engaged and then send out 2-year-old photos and have everybody say ‘Did they go to Paris again?'”
“It’s been made clear to me that I’m an old curmudgeon, but this focus on getting the perfect picture of an event is way overblown.”
“Particularly with proposals, where you’re somehow supposed to get your G[irl]F[riend] to the top of a mountain at sunrise or a beach at sunset, with a friend hiding to take photos and keep it a surprise.”
“What is important (I imagine) is for YOU to FEEL a certain way when he proposes, not posting a fake photo on social media to announce it.”
“This is a great opportunity for you to explain to him what you would ACTUALLY like your proposal to be like.” ~ 1962Michael
“NAH – it’s a weird request to do a ‘fake’ proposal picture and definitely something he should have discussed with you beforehand instead of just springing it on you at the moment.” ~ STL_241
“Honestly, that is what makes me think this may be a N A H situation.”
“He was misguided, but it seems like his intentions were good and he genuinely didn’t understand why this would be a weird thing to do.”
“As a guy with A[ttention]-D[eficit]-H[yperactivity]-D[isorder] who is also on the spectrum, I can say that while I’ve never made a social blunder this big, I have still made my fair share of them.”
“The only thing worth noting is that OP needs to stand firm and not feel guilty for saying something that makes her uncomfortable, even if he is excited about it.”
“Though honestly, I’m wondering if he just needed some time to get past his initial feelings on the situation and didn’t mask his upset.”
“I would probably check in with him now and see what his feelings are on the matter, then go from there.” ~ ConstructionNo9678
“NTA. It wouldn’t really mean anything.”
“You could take romantic pictures without pretending you are ready to commit to marriage.”
“Celebrate what you actually have instead of pretending your relationship is something it’s not (yet).” ~ rosered936
“You went to Paris for your two-year anniversary. Why wouldn’t you plan to go again at a later date when he’s ready to propose?”
“I don’t think it’s a red flag, more like a yellow flag, due to the lack of thought and consideration to pay attention to other people’s perspectives outside of his own.”
“NAH, but your boyfriend certainly made himself a little bit of a weirdo not thinking that plan through.” ~ REDDIT
“NTA. Your friends have missed the point – it *would* have been harmful to you, and frankly, it’s just weird.”
“Now you will always know that whatever proposal photo you take, it will be B[oy]F[riend]’s second choice.”
“It taints your memory of the Eiffel Tower, too.”
“This is exceedingly odd, but you handled it as gracefully as you could.” ~ CandylandCanada
“Why would anyone want a picture of a fake event such as a proposal of marriage??”
“The photo would never hold any value, it will never portray an event. Recreating a photo of the kiss in Times Square to celebrate the ending of a war – cool that is a fun one.”
“But a marriage proposal?”
“Does he never plan to propose and wouldn’t he want one of the real deal instead?”
“And what would he do with the fake picture?”
“He’d have to explain to everyone that No he did not propose, he just wanted a fake one!”
“NTA.” ~ Chilling_Storm
“NTA. As someone who prefers things to be genuine and authentic, this is just weird and unacceptable.”
“I would not want to explain such a picture for the rest of my life.” ~ Puddin370
“NTA. He is weird and frankly such a turn-off.”
“I would rethink the relationship.” ~ MovePrevious9463
“NTA, you don’t live life for likes or fake moments.”
“If he proposes now, he already has in his mind that it won’t be as great as the fake one in front of the Eiffel Tower.”
“That’s weird and not at all romantic.”
“Also he was cruel with your emotions.” ~ Informal_Candy_2814
“NTA. This sounds like something he wants to do for the aesthetic and not for the emotions, and that’s not just fair to you.”
“I wouldn’t want to do fake proposal photos either, at least, not unless the proposal was real.”
“That’s the real issue here.”
“If he wanted to ‘redo’ a real proposal for the art of it under the Eifel Tower, that’s fine.”
“You could do a whole series of proposal pictures and often, people do pose in proposal situations for engagement photo shoots.”
“That’s a celebration of your love and artistic selves.”
“Your BF sounds like he just wants to celebrate his artistic self, and there are other options for an Eifel Tower shoot than a proposal.”
“He wants the trappings, not the engagement, and that’s weird.”
“To add in a paranoid perspective, it is also the kind of thing that someone would do to trick their parents or families or other people as to their status or their future planning.”
“It could also be a way to garner followers or social media connections or marketing.”
“In any case, doing something like a proposal ‘for the aesthetic’ rather than for the right reasons could be possible… if you were both into it.”
“You’re not, and you are not the A-hole for it.”
“If he is acting butt-hurt about it, you need to ask him why.”
“If his artistic sensibilities are more important to him than your feelings about a real proposal versus a fake one… you should question whether you want him to propose one day or not.” ~ rockology_adam
“I think you’re going to get a lot of mixed replies here, as well.”
“I personally would not have been down with a fake proposal.”
“So NTA for you, but like I said, be prepared for a real mixed bag!” ~ Ok_Conversation9750
“NTA. You don’t toy around with ‘fake’ proposal pictures.”
“The photos are either real or simply not taken.”
“Especially if he has no desire to propose to you. Yikes.” ~ Alt4MSP
“Hahahahahaha what?!”
“That’s really just such a strange thing to ask of you.”
“Definitely NTA.” ~ Primary-Risk-9298
Reddit is with you, OP.
Why would someone want a fake proposal picture?
Is this a new relationship trend? If it is… let’s end it here.
It would probably be a good idea to discuss it further.
You weren’t being malicious.
Hopefully, in the end, he’ll understand.