Age can easily be a touchy subject. It’s both meaningless and completely game-changing. It’s bad to assume someone is older than they are and also bad to assume someone is younger than they are.
24-year-old Redditor ThrowRa_moonx found herself in a strange situation where she was refused service at a restaurant because the server at her table made a snap judgment about her age and denied her ID.
Unclear if she was in the wrong for responding as she did, she went to the popular subReddit “Am I The A**hole?” or “AITA” for a little perspective.
She asked:
“AITA for getting mad at a waitress after she told me they couldn’t sell me wine because she thought I was a minor with a fake ID?”
Our original poster, or OP, set the scene for us where she wanted to have a nice glass of wine.
“Yesterday was my friend’s birthday and we went to celebrate at a nice restaurant and everything was going well until we decided to order wine.”
“When we tried to order wine the waitress (30s, female) saw me and said that I should show her my ID, I showed it to her and she called another waitress and after looking at my ID for a few minutes she told me she couldn’t sell us wine because my ID didn’t look real.”
“I tried to explain to her that it was real but she told me not to insist because clearly I wasn’t even 18.”
“At this point I was so mad because it was such an embarrassing moment everyone was looking at us thinking I was another dumb teenager trying to drink alcohol, and who wouldn’t think that?”
While being embarrassed, OP understandably got a bit perturbed.
“If she was saying out loud that I wasn’t the first teenager to try to buy alcohol with a fake ID and that she wasn’t going to call the police anyway, so I told her that she was being really disrespectful.”
“All my friends are over 21 and so am I, and that if I were younger why would women who are between 24 and 27 years old want to be friends with a minor?”
“But she only told me that she wasn’t going to sell us wine and that if I didn’t understand that I could leave.”
“I told her that I wanted to talk to her manager (I swear I’m not a K word lol) and she just ignored me and was like ‘just let it go’ but I was so pissed off.”
The manager did not come, so OP and waitress continued to clash.
“Not because I couldn’t drink a glass of wine but because she was being completely stubborn and was ruining our night, even my friends explained to her that I wasn’t a minor and that my ID was real.”
“She was so rude: all she did was say that if we didn’t like the rules of the place we could leave, so we did but before we left I told her that she was an a**hole and that she didn’t deserve to work in a place where her only job is to be nice and respectful.”
“I also said that her boss is a good friend of my dad (which is half a lie because they are not friends, they only know each other because they were classmates when they were in college) and that I was going to talk to him about what happened and that’s when she tried to apologize but we just left.”
OP felt incredibly disrespected.
“I know that I look young and that whenever I want to buy alcohol I have to show my ID because despite being almost 25 some people think I’m a minor, but no one ever embarrassed me like that.”
“I think I reacted impulsively and I shouldn’t have acted like a spoiled brat, she probably spent a while thinking that her job was at risk because of those things that I told her and that makes me feel bad.”
OP does look young, but thought that an ID would not be an issue.
“One of my friends called another waitress so she could check my ID but then this woman told her to leave because we were her customers and I told the other waitress that I wanted to talk to her manager but she didn’t call him either.”
“Also someone in the comments questioned if I really look like a minor. Yes sadly I do look like a minor.”
“I can still buy some clothes in kids’ stores if I want to so you can imagine how much I look like a minor.”
“AITA?”
Anonymous strangers weighed in by declaring:
- NTA – Not The A**hole
- YTA – You’re The A**hole
- ESH – Everyone Sucks Here
- NAH – No A**holes Here
Redditors agree OP, though experiencing a loss of temper, was justified in doing so.
“I don’t know if OP is in the US, although establishments with liquor licenses are supposed to have the most up-to-date photo ID handbook.”
“Those show the unique attributes of all photo ID’s and how to spot a fake. Also, there are scanners that driver’s licenses/state IDs can be run through to prove whether or not those are valid.”
“If I have a question about letting alcohol, cigarettes, or lottery tickets be purchased by who is in front of me, I’m not making a judgment call without using the above methods.”
“Last, my state’s lottery system allows me to scan a driver’s license through that machine. It will show the person’s age followed by how many days.”
“For example 26 years and 86 days. That is the final fact check. Now, if a customer’s identification is badly damaged to the point where I can’t scan it, then I’m relying on the handbook.”
“Otherwise, OP was unfairly profiled. The waitress was more focused on putting a ‘teenager’ in their place that they forgot how to do their job. I don’t blame OP for what she said either.”~leftclicksq2
“The waitress embarrassed her in front of her friends and other guests and then didn’t even take her seriously when she asked to speak to the manager.”
“I totally understand why OP said what she said. Being humiliated like that and not saying anything would have probably made OP feel even worse.”
“She had all right to scare that horrible waitress even if she didn’t go through with it. NTA OP, NTA.”
“And I am sorry you had to go through that. I know it can be humiliating sometimes when people don’t think you are an adult.”
“I am a teacher and when I first started in my late 20s I sometimes was mistaken for being a student. It doesn’t bother me much but I understand that it can be humiliating sometimes.”~lookingforfreedom90
“NTA. She made a personal call instead of actually verifying and didn’t need to cop attitude about it. Sure you reacted, but I would have too given the disrespect.”
“Just because she’s a server doesn’t mean she’s entitled to endless respect if she’s being rude and not doing her job properly.”
“I don’t think OP was being sensitive about being carded or looking young, but more at the fact that woman determined for herself that she didn’t think her ID was real and that OP was 18.”~thatbrunettegirl10
“You are NTA , it’s simple even if you were being completely bratty the moment you asked for a manager one should have gotten involved instantly she has no right to deny you that.”
“The dad line was a bit bratty, but I’ma let that slide for the simple fact that the moron ignored your wish to speak to a manager.”~ToshenRaz
After all, her job was to check the ID and then call someone if she felt it was not real.
“NTA. She did her due diligence by checking your ID.”
“If she could not prove it was fake, she should have accepted it and sold you the wine. If she still felt uncomfortable about it, she could have kicked the decision upstairs to her manager.”
“I suggest you go back there, if you haven’t already, and complain to the manager – or the owner, if you can reach them.”
“Kudos to her for checking, but having done that she should have moved on with your order.”~BugsRatty
“Nta. I’ve worked as a server, bartender.. I also look pretty young. It’s weird to me that she refused to grab a manager and told her to ‘let it go.'”
“I’d be pissed if I was in the op’s situation. Especially when you expect good service when trying to celebrate a birthday. I would’ve told her to call the cops then that way, they can confirm my true age.”~raychullxo
“It could’ve been solved in a simpler way. You should’ve told her that if she believes the ID is fake, that’s a federal crime.”
“It’s her duty to call the police. Ask her to call the police so she can see how stupid she looks.”
“Obviously she wouldn’t call the police, and by not calling the police she is admitting that she isn’t completely sure that it is fake. Enjoy your drinks!”
“NTA, but could’ve handled it better.”~dutch_horse_girl05
“NTA. I used to look young. I was out to lunch with some co-workers once. They ordered beer, and the waitress looked at me sweetly and said ‘You’re not 21, are you, honey'”
“I answered, even more sweetly, ‘No, I’m TWENTY-TWO!!’ Which I was.
“And I didn’t want beer anyway. Your waitress disrespected you, not by carding you, but by calling you a liar and a forger.”~AuldLangSimone
By refusing to call the manager, she then put all of the onus on herself.
“NTA. The waitress was being flat out disrespectful and attempted to belittle you in front of others. She even denied your request to speak with management.”
“I don’t even think you deserve the ‘ESH’ title that others labeled because you do at least have contact with the owner.”
“And even if your dad isn’t best buds with him, if men of that age are still in contact they are friendly, plus that woman sounds like a terrible employee.”~emoka1
“NTA. WTF is wrong with this thread? why are there so many that claim that the waitress was ‘just doing her job???'”
“Her job is to check IDs, if she thought it’s fake, call a manager, and don’t tell your customers to leave just because you don’t feel like doing your job properly.”
“If you went to subway, placed your order and received something completely different would you not be mad, because the worker was ‘doing their job?'”
“Yeah they did what they are supposed to do, but in the worst way possible.”~DW_Wishmaster
“NTA. I feel your pain. I’m only 21F, but I’ve been turned away a few times because I had a ‘fake ID.’ I could pass for 16.”
“I don’t know if this will work for you in your area, but I once called my local PD’s non-emergency line asking them to come out at their earliest convenience to check my ID for the liquor store.”
“Ended up with three cop cars in less than ten minutes, showed the cops my ID and even got my car registration out to help prove my age and they went in with me so I could buy my alcohol.”
“(I am not an addict, the cashier in the store just rubbed me the wrong way and I wanted to give the biggest FU I could. I was the AH in this story.)”
“The cops thought it was funny, but one did follow me home, probably to crash my party (2 – 24 packs of beer and a bottle of wine). Was probably disappointed when only my ex showed up.”~therealladysparky
“NTA. If she really thought your ID was fake then she should’ve properly checked or done her job and brought the manager as you requested.”
“I know everyone is saying that the whole ‘My dad knows the owner’ bit was tacky or overboard but what if it was actually true?”
“Do you only serve people well if they have connections? No, you do your job properly.”
“And while others may think it’s tacky and overdone it’s still not an AH move she wouldn’t have to be afraid of anything if she did what she was supposed to.”~KnowledgeOk5404
“NTA. This is very odd behavior for a server.”
“My opinion is that either she decided she didn’t like you from the get and wanted some bizarre power trip over you, or she thought the ID was fake and didn’t want to admit her own mistake.”
“If she was confident that the ID was fake, then calling a manager to confirm shouldn’t have been a big deal.”
“When she mentioned calling the police I might have said ‘you know what? I’ll call them myself, surely they can confirm my ID is real.’”
“Maybe at that point she would have dropped whatever bullsh*t pride or power trip she was on.”
“Like did you steal her boyfriend or something? Why was she so adamant about this? So bizarre.”~Beckylately
OP may have reacted, but many agreed they would too under the circumstances.
When someone’s very appearance is disrespected and then no options are offered to move forward, what else should someone do?