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Woman With Shellfish Allergy Upset After Boyfriend Orders Meal With Shrimp For Them To Share

Man sharing his food and feeding his girlfriend.

One of the most important things to learn in a relationship is what a partner has an allergy to.

You’d think it’d be really crucial to remember such allergens, right?


Case in point…

Redditor ilikefood098 wanted to discuss her experience and get some feedback. So naturally, she came to visit the “Am I The A**hole” (AITA) subReddit.

She asked:

“AITA for telling my boyfriend to order ‘whatever he wants’ for dinner, then getting upset with his choice?”

The Original Poster (OP) explained:

“I (20 F[emale]) have been dating this guy (28 M[ale]) for about 7 months.”

“I’m not a picky eater at all, but I am allergic to shellfish.”

“He knows that.”

“When deciding what to eat I told him he could pick, and he ordered shrimp scampi for two.”

“I was annoyed because I can’t eat that, and he got defensive because I told him it was his choice and that’s what he chose.”

“I didn’t think I had to specify ‘You can pick something for us, but we both have to be able to eat it.'”

“I thought that was implied, why order food for someone knowing they can’t eat it?”

“But he thinks ‘whatever’ means ‘whatever’ and that it’s my fault.”

The OP was left to wonder:


Redditors shared their thoughts on this matter and weighed some options to the question AITA:

  • NTA – Not The A**hole
  • YTA – You’re The A**hole
  • NAH – No A**holes Here
  • ESH – Everyone Sucks Here

Many Redditors declared OP was NOT the A**hole.

“NTA. If I was making a dinner choice and was given the option for whatever…”

“a) I wouldn’t even order anything remotely physically near shellfish knowing it could seriously hurt you…”

“b) consider what you like eating.”

“I’m a little perplexed with his choices.”

“I could get maybe he forgot you hated pickles or ketchup and didn’t have those omitted but something that can make you sick or possibly kill you?”

“I don’t know how someone forgets that at all.” ~ My_emotionalDamage

“Which means either you are dating an absolute moron, or more likely, he did it on purpose.”

“The fact that he will not apologize and shows no remorse for ordering something that would certainly endanger your health and leave you with nothing to eat is why I think it was the latter.”

“Yes, some people do try to cause harm to their partners.”

“Maybe he was mad at you for some slight. Maybe he just gets his kicks this way and is starting to show it.”

“Maybe he likes your weird control.”

“Or —Maybe he is just stupid and can’t apologize.”

“If that’s the case, that alone is a major deal breaker.”

“It will happen again and again.” ~ rTracker_rTracker

“Honestly, if I was dating someone as shellfish as he is, I’d be pretty crabby too.”

“I could never do something like that to someone on porpoise.”

“You’d think he knows her whale enough to avoid perch-using that type of food.”

“His behavior is downright fishy.”

“I’d probably break it off, figured I’d squid while I’m ahead.”

“Hell, if she lets this slide she will probably do something worse down the road.”

“As far as I can tell, this ship has sailed. Lobster.” ~ xRocketman52x

“I mean, depending on the seriousness of her allergy, even kissing after eating it can be hazardous to her health.”

“So if he got the whole thing for himself he was still putting her in potential danger.”

“It’s just a terrible thing all around.”

“After dating for several months he has to know her allergies as it’s something that would have come up more than once.”

“NTA – OP seriously needs to think about the future of this relationship at this point.” ~ False-Importance-741

“A shellfish allergy is always serious even if she’s never had a life-threatening reaction in the past.”

“It’s possible that he got carried away with his defense mechanisms.”

“But he should really just let that go and say, ‘Yeah, when you said ‘order what you want, I literally ordered what looked good to me and your life-threatening food allergy slipped my mind, and I didn’t order anything you could eat.'”

“That was awful of me, and I’m so sorry.”

“I’ll fix this by ordering two non-seafood meals and tomorrow we’ll both have leftovers, or we can have them for lunch.”

“How does that sound?”

‘Sorry your dinner will be late, and that I made this error in the first place. NTA.” ~ JohannasGarden

“It will happen again and again, and it might kill you.”

“I have a deadly peanut allergy and a tree nut allergy that can hospitalize me.”

“I’m always careful when I date someone new because I know not everyone knows how to handle food allergies.”

“This guy could not read labels at all, he’d swear the food was safe when I asked but then I’d confirm and it would say PEANUTS right on it.”

“I’d say something like ‘Get cheese and crackers for the trip’ and instead of getting regular a** food he’d get almond flour crackers and cheese with a pistachio crust, wild stuff no person really means when they say ‘cheese and crackers,’ then say he forgot I had an allergy when I had reminded him before he left for the store.”

“He’d eat a peanut butter sandwich then sulk when I wouldn’t kiss him.”

“I wouldn’t eat anything at all he home-cooked.”

“It turned into ‘I really wish you’d stop giving me sh*t for my memory problems, you know I’m sensitive about that and the fact I have them scares me’ and I was like ‘Bro YOU scare me, you’re going to kill me.'”

“This guy is the same way.”

“It doesn’t matter WHAT is actually wrong with him, the fact that it’s this wrong is enough.” ~ string-ornothing

“This is not how somebody acts when they care about you.”

“This is how somebody acts when they are consciously or subconsciously trying to tear you down.”

“There is a reason this man is not dating somebody his own age.”

“It’s not that you’re mature for your age.”

“It’s that he’s banking on your relative life inexperience.”

“A lot of growing up happens in your 20s.”

“NTA. Dump the man.”

“Skip the anaphylaxis… and whatever else is going on with this dude.” ~ Catfactss

“You’re young.”

“Now is the time to decide what you expect from a partner.”

“This man ordered you food that he knew you couldn’t eat.”

“When you confronted him, he blamed you and refused to apologize.”

“If you put up with this, it will only get worse.”

“You’re eight months in and his mask is slipping.”

“You’re NTA.” ~ JoslynEmilia

“I’m allergic to crustaceans and my girlfriend still won’t even order the shellfish I’m not allergic to for herself to eat without checking with me first.”

“Just think about the vast difference between ‘Will literally order your food allergies for you to eat’ and ‘Is almost annoyingly careful about not getting your food allergies anywhere near you.'”

“OP, your boyfriend doesn’t care about you.”

“You deserve someone who cares about not serving you a plate of anaphylaxis at the very least.” ~ ThePoisonDoughnut

“He’s either an idiot or an AH.”

“Whatever he wants automatically includes ‘But doesn’t potentially kill me.'”

“Don’t know how severe your allergy is.”

“If it’s not that bad, ordering that for himself would be OK, but to order that for you is either stupid or was to provoke you.”

“Maybe start by figuring out which one. NTA.” ~ Zoe2805

OP came back to chat…

“Just to clarify, we always take turns deciding where to eat/where to order, and we eat together a lot so we know what the other person likes/doesn’t eat.”

“We usually decide for ourselves like ‘You want to order from X place? Get me Y.'”

“But at times we just have the other person order, like if one of us is running late or busy with something else.”

“I was in the shower when he told me he was ordering Italian, so I just yelled for him to pick something.”

“He’s aware I can’t eat shellfish, and he’s aware shrimp are shellfish, and he was aware he was ordering for me as well since he got 2 portions.”

Reddit continued…

“You might feel like you’re mature for dating a 28-year-old, but the reason why he is dating a 20-year-old is because he is so immature he can’t find a partner close in age.”

“Move on before it gets a whole lot worse. NTA.” ~ bigpicklewater

“NTA. He ordered something for you to eat that will get you in the hospital.”

“Now the possible explanations can be…”

“He genuinely forgot, but he does not admit that so he is trying to gaslight you that it is your fault.”

“He didn’t forget, he did it on purpose ‘to teach you a lesson.'”

“I am not sure if there is a third possible explanation.”

“And yes, he is an a**hole in either of those cases.”

“It is up to you to decide if you actually want to be in a relationship with a person that can put you in actual physical danger.”

“What if it wasn’t obvious that the meal had shrimp in it, but it was instead using shrimp sauce or something?”

“Would you be able to trust him with your food still?” ~ atealein

“NTA – seven months is more than long enough to have learned and remembered your allergy.”

“This guy is just either completely dense or very selfish.” ~ Visual-Lobster6625

“NTA. Allergies are potentially lethal, and agreeing to let someone order your dinner does not mean you’re consenting to a side of avoidable hospital stay.”

“If your boyfriend thinks he can force-feed you something that can potentially kill you, I think you need to rethink this relationship.” ~ BlackCatLuna

Well, OP, as you know, food allergies are no joke.

If y’all eat out together that much he should be aware of your what you’re NOT able to order.

It may be time to evaluate this relationship.