Marriages, divorces, remarriages, and children all thrown together can be lead to family harmony.
But why choose a harmonious existence when you can be messy?
Several adults in a family seemed to think bigotry and drama were their goals in life until they wanted a favor from one of the black sheep of the family. When the response was “pay for my services or get bent,” they were less than enthused.
So the black sheep turned to the “Am I The A**hole” (AITA) subReddit for feedback.
Euphoric-Platypus599Â asked:
“AITA for sending a price sheet to my family after not being invited to my half sister’s wedding?”
The original poster (OP) explained:
“Let’s get straight to the point, I (22, female) am a full-time baker for a small business and a college student. I moved back up to my home state in September of 2023, mostly to get away from my toxic family and for better opportunities.”
“Also to add why this is even an issue in the first place, my brother Jay (25, male) and I are the ‘black sheep’ of the family, mostly due to the fact we were born and mostly raised outside of marriage.”
“The teasing and neglect only grew worse after our mother (44, female) married Jerkfish (54, male) and had our half-siblings; (20, female), (17, male), (16, male), and (11, male).”
“When I was a few months old, she got married. My stepfather, however, never really raised my brother or I.”
“It was halfway my mother and the other adult figures around us. My stepfather always referred to my brother and I as ‘another man’s children’ so, he wasn’t obligated to raise us.”
“I have a good connection with two of my half-brothers (11) and (16). Sadly, one of the only ways to keep in contact is having some sort of connection with my sh*tty mother.”
“Now, here’s the dilemma. My half-sister who we will call JoJo (20, female) is getting married to Rhitt (22, male) in July. My mom and grandma asked that I make them a wedding cake, which I would’ve happily agreed to if I was invited to the wedding.”
“The thing is, they wanted me to make a cake fit for 200 people, get a hotel near them—they hate that I’m not a Christian, so they think I’ll bring evil into their house—work for 3 days, and get a flight there and back.
“I’d have to pay for all of it. They think it’d be a nice gift to my sister. I just laughed and sent them my price sheet.”
“They. Flipped. Out.”
“I was bombarded with texts from them about how selfish I am, how I am truly vile, how I am toxic for expecting my family to pay for my cake when they could just go to Walmart to get one, etc…”
“JoJo even messaged me on discord a week after I had sent the price sheet and asked why I would charge her when I made my best friend a free wedding cake.”
“I simply told her to f-off, as not only was I invited to my best friend’s wedding, but I was the MOH and in a way it was a ‘returning the favor’ for being a genuinely good friend and helping me out when I was going through a lot.”
“Jay and his wife had said I’m not wrong for it and they’d do the same thing. My boyfriend is on my side.”
“However, a few people in my life are saying I should’ve just said a simple no instead of sending the sheet and that my response to my sister was harsh. So, I need an outside perspective, hopefully other bakers on here too.”
“AITA?”
The OP summed up their situation.
“[I might be the a**hole for] sending the price sheet and how I responded to my sister’s message. I think I might be an a**hole because I might have been a bit too harsh.”
“I’ve recommended some good bakery’s in their city that have good prices and match their values. Still tho, it’s really stupid how they expected a free cake and a trip to make it all at my expense from me.”
Redditors weighed in by declaring:
- NTA – Not The A**hole
- YTA – You’re The A**hole
- NAH – No A**holes Here
- ESH – Everyone Sucks Here
Redditors decided the OP was not the a**hole (NTA).
“So family should get a free cake, but not be invited to a wedding? Make it make sense.”
“Maybe since they’re so religious, you could send them links to Christian bakers. Therefore the cake would be blessed and not be made by the hands of a ‘heathen’. NTA.” ~ sunlightofourpast
“They can go to Walmart as they said. They don’t deserve a nice wedding cake, whether from you or a decent bakery! NTA.” ~ SimmingPanda
“Right? My my response would have been: ‘Then get a cake at Walmart. What the hell are you bothering me for?’ and hung up the phone. NTA.” ~ Tip-Dapper
“I’m not understanding a few things. First off, obviously NTA.”
“Where were you supposed to make this and store it? Procure all ingredients and transport it?”
“A nice gift‽‽ Round trip tickets, hotel, transportation, kitchen facilities, not to mention ingredients and time. I’m calculating and I wonder if ANYONE else hit that price point for ‘a gift’.”
“Not to mention, but importantly, with virtually no relationship what exactly was the communication going to be for design and flavor?”
“Given the circumstances, a price sheet was the kindest f-off they deserved. And yes, fellow baker here.
“Also, how exactly do they reconcile having apparently sin’s incarnation make the cake?” ~ monkerry
“NTA. They expected you to pay for a flight, hotel, then spend days baking a wedding cake for a wedding you are not even welcome at.”
“Why are you even in contact with this ‘family’.” ~ Dangerous_End9472
“NTA. If they’re going to treat you as nothing more than their baker, then you are well within your rights to treat them as nothing more than potential customers.” ~ Otherwise-Shallot-51
“NTA. Tell them, ‘Sorry, the devil’s food cake I was planning to make for her wedding would go up in flames as it entered your reception area. I’m just looking out for you guys. Lose my number’.” ~ Trick_Delivery4609
“NTA. To make the cake for JoJo would be at considerable cost to you. Even if you were invited to the wedding, you should be charging them.”
“I will never understand why people think they are entitled to someone else’s hard work for free.” ~ SusanfromMA
“Major NTA! This is absolutely disrespectful.”
“My fiancé and I are planning our wedding and I made it very clear that if we expect any kind of friends/family discount for a service, they have to get an invite to the wedding.”
“They want a free a** cake from you, for you to pay your way there, and they can’t even invite you?”
“Disgraceful. Absolutely vile.” ~ The_Iron_Mountie
“NTA. The format of your refusal doesn’t matter. You could have been impeccably polite, and their reaction to any form of a ‘no’ to their bizarrely unreasonable demands would have been the same.”
“These are people who ‘hate that I’m not a Christian, so they think I’ll bring evil into their house’. You can’t reason with them.” ~ Content-Plenty-268
“NTA—let me say it back to you.”
Your low-contact family expects you to pay to fly there, pay to stay in a hotel for 3-4 nights, and spend 3 days working (where‽) on making a wedding cake for 200 people FOR FREE, all for your half-sister who isn’t even inviting you to the wedding.”
“Hell, no! They obviously don’t value you or the work that you do, so I’d 100% encourage them to go get a Walmart cake.” — DisneyBuckeye
“NTA. This is incredibly rude of them. Your family has essentially punished you for your mom’s ‘sins’. I would honestly cut contact over this. They do not respect you, at all, and are only willing to acknowledge your accomplishments when it benefits them.”
“You do not need to get gifts for a couple when you are not invited to their wedding. They were in the wrong to even ask you at this point.”
“That they wouldn’t even let you stay because you aren’t their kind of religious is another insult on top of insult.”
“If you are not treated like family, treating it like a business relationship is fine. You simply let them know you weren’t giving them a free cake on your dime.”
“If you ever get married, do not invite any of these people. If kids are in your future, do not let them be around these people.” ~ whichwitch9
The OP provided an update.Â
“I found out the exact reason for my brother’s family and I not getting invited. Three months after my sister and her soon-to-be husband got engaged, my grandmother requested my sister not invite ‘the sinners’.”
“It was more along the lines of: ‘If you don’t invite your siblings you’ll get a hefty portion of my will’. Don’t really know what the proper term for that is, but I digress.”
“So, my sister is catering to the needs of my racist grandmother over her own sibling’s. I also found out another reason (out of the many) why my brother and I were black sheep in the family.”
So, you see. my mother is Whiter than paper. My brother and I’s biological father is Lakota/Sioux Native American.”
“We were told he just left us ‘because that’s how the savages act’ when in reality, our dad died from a terminal raspatory illness that he had since he was a toddler. Some cyst type of deal? Not too sure.”
“The hatred from them only grew further when my brother married a Black woman and had my 3 nieces together—fourth on the way.”
“I told JoJo how hurt I was by picking money over family, but I kinda expected it. She tried to offer me $50 to make the cake she wanted and I just declined.”
Whew, there’s a lot to process here—none of which will be solved by free cake.