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Dad Sparks Drama After Telling His Daughter That He Can’t Be Involved In Her Wedding Because Of Her Jealous Sister

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What’s the point at which “sibling rivalry” becomes “sibling terrorism”? And is it a parent’s job to take a stand when their adult children get to that point?

Reddit user ta_weddingcraze has been dealing with a lifetime of rivalry and outright meanness between his daughters. But a recent situation involving one of them getting married finally has him wondering if things have gone too far – and if he, himself, is complicit.

Obviously this was a job for the AITA (“Am I The A**hole?”) subReddit. He asked: 

“AITA for telling my youngest daughter that I cannot give her away at her wedding?”

Yeah, the conflict is that bad.

Before we get too far into things, let’s go over how things work on AITA. First, the original poster tells their story as a post, giving whatever relevant details and explaining their situation.

Other users respond as comments, explaining their thoughts and casting votes using a simple system. 

  • YTA – You’re The A**hole
  • NTA – Not The A**hole
  • ESH – Everyone Sucks Here
  • NAH – No A**holes Here

Buckle up for this dad’s doozy of a tale

“Long backstory: I have 2 daughters, Anna (elder)and Carly (younger) who are a year apart.”

“Carly and Anna were close when they were younger but drifted apart in their teenage years. I think Anna started resenting Carly because Carly always seemed to do well, academically and socially.”

“Anna decided to take loans and go to a college she wasn’t really a fan of. Carly got a full ride to Anna’s dream college.”

“Anna became very resentful after that. She was sure that Carly chose that college to rub it in Anna’s face.”

“I tried my best to accommodate them both. Anna refused to talk to Carly and didn’t consent to any form of therapy.”

“Carly refused to compromise as Anna kept being unreasonable. In the end, they both stopped talking to each other.”

“Neither of them has ever asked me to choose between them. As long as I don’t bring up the other or try to get them to reconcile, I have a good relationship with both of them.”

“Now: Anna is a single mom with a 3 year old kid (Alex) who is always in between jobs and in debt. Me and my now-wife help out when we can, she receives a bit of child support but I have to admit that she is struggling.”

“Carly on the other hand, lives comfortably, has an incredible job and is living with her long term boyfriend.”

“Recently Carly announced that her boyfriend proposes and that she wants to plan a wedding in 2022. She asked me to walk her down the aisle and I may have cried a bit.”

“However, Anna found out and then she came over to my house and had a breakdown (?) about how she always thought she would be the first to get married in the family and she has always wanted me to give her away first.”

“I tried to console her but she ended up getting angry and told me that I should refuse to give away Carly or have a father/daughter dance with her at the wedding.”

“At first, I refused but she then threatened to cut off all contact between her/Alex and us. If Alex wasn’t in the picture, I would have cut Anna off. As things stand, I need to consider Alex’s well being.”

“Carly is staunchly childfree and it is very possible that Alex is going to be my only grandchild. Without my help, Alex’s life is just going to be much much harder and I cannot abandon Alex with a good conscience.”

“While I understood that Carly would be upset, Alex was a child and he is priority.”

“I spoke to Carly, explained the situation. I told her that there was still time and I would figure out a way get Anna to change her mind. If not, I still promised her that I would still be very involved with her wedding except those 2 things.”

“Carly just laughed and told me not to bother with her anymore and told me she wasn’t going to invite me to her wedding.”

“I definitely know that Anna is an a**hole putting me in this position. But AITA for expecting Carly to be more understanding?”

We know we said buckle up for dad’s tale – but strap in a little harder if you can because Reddit gave this man a piece of their mind just like he asked. 

“YTA. You’re letting your daughter and her selfish wants win.”

“You’re not choosing Alex, you’re choosing Anna over Carly. Shame on you.”

“If I were you, I’d call Anna’s bluff. She sounds like she’s not doing too hot in life. My guess is she’d go no contact for a week before realizing she needs all the support she can get.” – edengonedark

“Yeah YTA, OP. Since Anna relies on her parents to help take care of her son, I don’t think she would actually cut them off. I think it’s all hot air.”

“Sure, she might do it for a week or two, maybe even a month or two… but before too long she’ll be hurting for money and free babysitting, and she’ll be back. And in the meantime, OP’s relationship with their other daughter may have been shattered over nothing.”

“Frankly I think OP needs to sack up and refuse to let Anna use her child as a weapon. If she’s allowed to do it even once, she’ll do it over and over again.”

“Anna is making an unreasonable demand, holding your grandchild hostage just because she’s jealous that Carly is getting married first. That’s a terrible thing for her to do, not to mention unbelievably petty!”

“Also poor Carly. She’s done everything “right” in life — good grades, good college, good job, wonderful fiance, and STILL she gets punished because of your coddling of Anna.”

“Like, how can Carly possibly prove herself that she’s worthy of your love any more than she already has?”

“Do you not understand how hurt she must be right now, that you’ve given into Anna’s manipulations instead of standing firm about what’s right? No wonder she doesn’t want to invite you to the wedding now.”

“You’ve messed up. Big time.” Katt_ler

“It also seems to be that there’s a lot more that OP is leaving out: ‘Carly just laughed and told me not to bother with her anymore and told me she wasn’t going to invite me to her wedding.'”

“She’s not shocked, or surprised, or angry. This is the reaction of somebody who just got one last straw, so I wonder what huge pile of straw OP isn’t talking about.” – fdar

“OP DO NOT LET ANNA DO THIS TO YOU. You are destroying your relationship with Carly.”

“The wedding is far off, but you just did years worth of damage. You won’t do xyz at Carly’s wedding because Anna is holding your grandchild as hostage/leverage?”

“That is absolutely sending the worst message possible.”

“So what if Carly is childfree? Apparently that means OP loves her less. YTA.” – AWhooter

“YTA – holy sh*t are you the a**hole.”

“Your oldest child has been an abusive monster to your younger daughter for the better part of her life, and as you’ve described it here, you’ve been complicit in it. The fact that you would even remotely entertain Anna’s insane demand, grandchild or no, shows how unsupportive you’ve been.”

“If you want any hope of keeping Carly in your life, tell Anna she’s being ridiculous and you’re not going to allow her to dictate the terms of your relationship with Carly.”

“Jesus christ, I can’t believe you need someone to tell you this.” – mibunoookami

“The fact that Carly is uninviting him shows just how much he has allowed to happen and how hurt she has been throughout the years.”

“I am the youngest female in my family, second child to get married (first was a brother). I have an older sister and older brothers (and a younger brother). Had my sister asked my father to not walk me down the aisle due to me having slightly more money and getting married first and he agreed to that request, my response would have been much worse than your daughters.”

“That act is choosing one child over the other.”

“Its not Carly’s fault she is in a better situation and getting married first. Life isn’t a d*mn race.”

“Your oldest doesn’t have to accomplish something before a younger sibling does. That’s asinine.”

“Dude, open your eyes. You have failed both of your daughters. You need therapy, as well as your daughters. YTA.” – crystalnoellyn

“YTA 100% ‘Neither of them has ever asked me to choose between them’ well Anna just asked and you gave into her immediately.”

“You just chose your overly jealous daughter over what… the one that was more successful? Carly is being punished because she was better in school, more social, etc? How is that fair?”

“And using your reasoning as Carly will never give you grandchildren, is that the price of love to you?”

“It sounds like Anna has been throwing herself a pity party because she doesn’t want to come to terms with the fact that she is different than her sister, not worse or better, but different and you just validated her not coming to terms with that.”

“I’m glad Carly uninvited you from the wedding, who treats their daughter like that and still expects to be in their life?” – mck1519

“YTA. It is not your job to mediate their adult relationship but it is your job to set boundaries with your children.”

“Your older child just set her boundary with you, that you will not do anything for your younger child that she does not approve of or that she will use your grandchild to punish you.”

“You have decided to abide by it. It sounds as though your younger daughter is ending her relationship with you and that is something that you will have to live with for the rest of your life.”

“Because chances are good that your older daughter, needing as much of your help as she does to raise her child, would not have cut you off forever over something that is in no way harming her child.”

“The younger daughter, who does not need that kind of assistance from you, was in your life because she loved you. Not because she needed you.” – aproposofall

“YTA. You’re not going to give Carly away because you Anna ‘thought she would be the first to get married in the family and she has always wanted me to give her away first?’ That’s selfish and illogical.”

“The reason Anna is so difficult is because you’ve enabled her to be difficult, and affirmed every bad attitude she’s developed over the years.”

“Of course you’re an AH for ‘expecting Carly to be more understanding.’ Carly understands the situation better than you do.”

“You’ve chosen one daughter over another, so I hope you’re happy with that decision, because the consequences are going to be with you and your family for a long time to come.” – WebbieVanderquack

“YTA. Good luck salvaging your relationship with Carly.”

“Her laughing over your response makes me think you’ve been bending to Anna’s demands frequently over the years and taking the easy out. You have your priorities all skewed.”

“Your grandchild is not your responsibility. He is Anna’s.”

“She manipulated you into taking care of him. The second you do anything she doesn’t like, she’ll cut you off.”

“You ready to do this for the rest of your life? She has you right where she wants you. Dance, puppet. Dance!” – erstwhile02

“YTA – definitely the a**hole.”

“In your own words you try to accommodate them both but the way I see it, when you refuse to take a stand in this obviously toxic sibling rivalry, you basically enable Anna to continue behaving the way she did.”

“It was your job as a parent to upbring your own children properly and educate how they should get along with their sibling. Have you done that with Anna? I don’t think so.”

“Carly has done nothing wrong over here, and now because she happens to work harder, got a full ride to college, made a good life out of herself, her own dad is telling her he won’t walk her down the aisle and do a father daughter dance with her?”

“Shame on you. Seriously. What kind of a message are you even passing on?”

“I’m so not surprised that Carly decided not to invite you to her wedding, and you don’t get to harp about how SHE should have been more understanding.”

“She clearly had to put up with a lot over the years and with you not doing anything at all to mitigate the situation over the years, you really have no one to blame but yourself.”

“In fact, I’d applaud Carly for taking a stand finally on your bullsh*t.” – cielociel1234

“Let’s look at this clearly and dispassionately.”

  1. “You will never be able to make Anna happy.”

  2. “She threw a tantrum and gave you an ultimatum that’s such an obvious bluff Mr. Magoo could have seen it coming.”

  3. “You gave in to said tantrum, as I suspect you’ve done most of Anna’s life.”

  4. “Carly, who in no way seems shocked or surprised by any of this, then sets an entirely reasonable boundary considering the circumstances.”

  5. “Cue your shocked Pikachu face.”

“YTA. You and Anna seem to have the inability to take personal responsibility for your actions in common.”

“And frankly it wouldn’t surprise me if Carly’s response to you was her absolute final straw after a lifetime of being treated like obvious second place.”

“In fairness it’s not Anna’s fault- you’ve led her to believe that if she throws a large enough tantrum, she’ll get everything she wants.”

“Carly, by comparison, knows damn well that the world doesn’t work that way, and if I had to guess I’d say that’s why she’s the more professionally and personally successful of the two.”

“This is ridiculous. You know it.” – WhiteRoses7252012

“YTA your negotiating with a terrorist. Anna has completely unrealistic expectations. You have two daughters, be a father to both.” – mpb1428

“YTA. Anna is a psychotic extortionist. Give in to this, and demands to disassociate from Carly will escalate.” – tyrannosaurusrecked

Reddit let this man know, in no uncertain terms, exactly how they feel about his actions. Do you agree with their thoughts?

Share your own in the comments.

Written by Erica Diaz

Have you ever read something where you just KNOW the writer talks with their hands, does the sound effects, and would bust out a little dance if it suited the story?

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She's a colorful storyteller whose sense of humor and fearless honesty make a big impact. Her rants might go for the emotional jugular, hit your funny bone, or shock you and your mama out of your fajas. Usually it's all three.

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