Parents get to choose every person who is involved with their kid’s life.
That is well within their rights.
But what if your partner disagrees with judging someone’s past on their past history?
Sexual history, that is.
Case in point…
Redditor garlic_riot_187 wanted to discuss her experience and get some feedback. So naturally, she came to visit the “Am I The A**hole” (AITA) subReddit.
She asked:
“AITA for wanting to limit my B[rother] I[n] L[aw]’s access to my unborn daughter because of his dating choices?”
The Original Poster (OP) explained:
“Dummy account because the relevant parties are on Reddit.”
“I (31 F[emale]) am pregnant with a girl.”
“My husband (33) has a younger brother (31) whose he’s very close to.”
“However, I recently told my husband that I don’t feel comfortable with the idea of his brother spending much time with my daughter once she’s born.”
“It’s not because of my BIL himself.”
“We’re not close but he’s fine.”
“The issue is his life choices.”
“He’s not married, has no intention of getting married or having kids, and dates only for sexual purposes.”
“He dates multiple women, and the only thing he has in common with them is that, like him, they are extremely good-looking.”
“He’s highly intelligent, yet he has no interest in meaningful relationships.”
“I spoke to him about his choices a few years ago, and after accusing me of being ‘moralistic’, he claims that he always uses protection and he never leads the women on.”
“Which I call crap on, as I can’t imagine any woman with an increasingly ticking biological clock would willingly be in a relationship which she knows doesn’t have a future.”
“Not to mention, what woman would want to be with someone who may not even remember your name in a year’s time?”
“I mentioned this to my husband, however he called me an AH, and said that it was ridiculous to limit our daughter’s access with her uncle just because I don’t agree with his legal dating choices.”
“So AITA?”
Redditors shared their thoughts on this matter and weighed some options to the question AITA:
- NTA – Not The A**hole
- YTA – You’re The A**hole
- NAH – No A**holes Here
- ESH – Everyone Sucks Here
Many Redditors declared OP WAS the A**hole.
“YTA. I t’s 2023. It’s okay for women to like sex outside of the quest to ‘land’ a husband.”
“As long as he’s being honest and safe, what’s the problem?” ~ madelinegumbo
“35, also absolutely no interest in children except to maybe foster at some point.”
“There is literally nothing wrong with not having children, not wanting to have children, and only dating for sex.”
“OP, I have had many relationships that are just about the sex.”
“Great f**ks are great f**ks we both know what we want and have a good time and that’s wonderful.”
“Hell I’m currently dating two people. They both know about each other. We are consenting adults having loving relationships and fanf**kingtastic sex.”
“You need to stop being so judgmental of other people’s decisions. OP, YTA.” ~ Glittering_Act_4059
“Since I was 15 I wanted my uterus removed. The reason?”
“I just don’t want to deal with it, and never do I wanna be pregnant either.”
“All I want ever is to foster and adopt.”
“Literally, that’s the only way I’ll ever get a kid: adopting.”
“I don’t need any ‘Biological clock’ for that, nor have I ever shown interest and I’m 29 soon!
Agreed that OP is YTA.” ~ CactusEar
“NOT THE APPS!!!! think of the children!!!!”
“I mean, the only person bothered is an adult that’s not even sleeping with him, but come on, she is pregnant so she knows what’s up with him and life and his future.”
“Imagine someone who doesn’t want her life! what a joke! it can’t be possible!!!!”
“She is married and pregnant and therefore superior to anyone else.”
“Her child deserves sexual role models that don’t get laid or use apps, they must marry people who are sane enough and then lose their minds whenever family doesn’t comply with sexual morals of the best possible human who is clearly the epitome of morality since she got knocked up by a dude as opposed to her dirty B[rother] I[n[ L[aw] dragging her unborn child down.”
“I wonder what sex is like for people like this.”
“Is it obligation or responsibility for their husband’s sexuality that drives this lunacy?”
“Is it amazing sex or just the concept of someone enjoying it that makes them nuts?” ~ Meowrarri878
“This. OP do you live under a rock?? You do realize it’s 2023, right?”
“Not everyone’s gonna live the same life as you, that doesn’t make them less than.”
“You can look down and judge people from your high horse if you want, but you’ll just end up hurting yourself when people realize they don’t want to be around you, including your husband and daughter.”
“Just judge him silently in your head and move on with your life, because the bottom line is- his actions do not affect you, nor do they have anything to do with you.” ~ Enuidanced
“OP is definitely an AH and likely a slut shaming, judgmental, close-minded person.”
“Seems like anything outside what you like or think is right is unacceptable.”
“I’d watch out for your own biases and treatment of others because you’re definitely going to f**k up your kid.”
“I fear for your daughter’s future because of how critical you’ll be of her and anything she does.”
“Your kid isn’t even born yet, but look how controlling you already are. Big yikes.” ~ amt226
“YTA. Not everyone dates for marriage.”
“Not everyone wants marriage, or long-term relationships, or even short-term ones.”
“That doesn’t make them morally bankrupt.”
“People who have life goals that don’t match yours aren’t morally bankrupt.”
“Get off your high horse, pal.” ~ QueenMoogle
“YTA. And a judgmental, ignorant person.”
“You do know that not everyone is interested in monogamy and children, right?”
“That not every woman has an ‘increasing ticking biological clock?'”
“Has it not occurred to you that some women have no interest in marriage or children and that their choices are just as valid as yours?”
“Where the f**k do you get off talking to him about his choices?”
“As long as all of his partners are consenting adults, then he is doing nothing wrong, and his choices are just as good as yours.”
“Though he is obviously a much better person than you if he isn’t openly judging how you live your life.” ~ perfectpomelo3
“I wish I could upvote this 100 times.”
“It drives me mad how society still sees marriage and babies as basically the only purpose of life.”
“This is especially so for women, but also men are often seen as less trustworthy if they aren’t married.”
“Sometimes it’s by choice. Other times it’s just that life hasn’t worked out that way.”
“OP needs to mind her own business and stop obsessing over what other people do with their genitals.” ~ SmarttyPantsOG
“YTA. You’re a major AH.”
“Your brother-in-law was completely right.”
“You’re projecting your moralistic standards and your view of the role of women onto him and the people he dates.”
“I’ve got news for you.”
“There are lots of women out there who aren’t pining away for Marriage or children.”
“If your brother-in-law and these women decide to go out on dates, it’s absolutely categorically none of your business, and your way out of line on this.” ~ PilotEnvironmental46
“YTA. Believe it or not, there are women out there who aren’t interested in relationships or children.”
“If he doesn’t bring his sex partners around your daughter, then his sex life should have absolutely zero effect on her.”
“You’re pushing your morals on him, and it’s unfair to deny him a relationship with his niece because of his sex life.” ~ AgentAlpo
“YTA. First thing – not all women want to be in a relationship.”
“Not all women want to have children.”
“Restricting his access to his niece because you don’t like that he doesn’t want to get married or have a serious relationship is just a complete and total AH move.” ~ honey-smile
“YTA. His dating choices are his own, and you have zero reasons to believe he is being dishonest with the women he dates other than a belief that no woman could possibly want something different from what you want.”
“Moreover, there is zero connection between his dating choices and your child.”
“Him not being married does not somehow endanger her.”
“You are just weaponizing your child to manipulate your BIL into making life choices you are more comfortable with.” ~ morgaine125
“YTA. Please step off your soapbox and realize your BIL isn’t hurting anyone, most certainly not his infant niece, with the fact that he’s unfortunately attractive.”
“Jealous you got the wrong brother?”
“And dates attractive women (more than you?).”
“What exactly are you pretending to protect your daughter from here?” ~ dart1126
“YTA. Will you be doing background checks on everyone else to see if they morally measure up.”
“What about the teacher who cheats, the dance teacher who’s gay, the daycare worker who loves to party?”
“This isn’t about his dating life.”
“This is about jealousy and envy.”
“He’s got a life of freedom you resent, so you want to kick him in the shins.”
“Your husband and his family are seeing this as a huge red flag.”
“How many other red flags are you flying? Tread carefully.”
“Sometimes, when you are trying to manipulate others into isolation, you end up alone.” ~ AdOne8433
Well, OP, Reddit has some issues with YOUR choices.
Maybe focus more on your life and not other people’s.
You’re gonna need all the babysitters you can get.