In the United States, a person’s credit score affects a lot more than their ability to buy things on credit. Many employers also run a credit check for even entry level positions.
Volunteer organizations, foster care, and adoption agencies also look at a person’s credit history.
So taking whatever steps are necessary to protect one’s credit is essential.
A husband who wants to up his credit score turned to the “Am I The A**hole” (AITA) subReddit for feedback.
Benjamani asked:
“AITA for not letting my husband with $13k debt have access to my credit card?”
The original poster (OP) explained:
“Okay, so my husband (36, male) and me (33, male) keep getting into arguments over money, especially getting him onto my credit card as an authorised user.”
“I’ve got 0 credit score because I immigrated here to the U.S. and only just managed to open a line of credit. I wasn’t even able to finance a car without huge interest on it (only one bank accepted me), so I’m still without a car.”
“He has not been good with his credit history, racking up $13k of debt with Amex before we had met, which he has yet to pay off.”
“I suggested to him he should see if he can improve it with a credit builder loan, but I am not comfortable with him being on my credit card or having my CC details in his phone.”
“He responds with saying married couples should be sharing assets and building credit together.”
“Is it a given that spouses should have shared credit? Because I’m trying to establish my own credit history.”
“I cannot risk a bad credit score if he racks up debt without the means of paying it off. At the same time I feel guilty because he did support me when I wasn’t able to work before I got employment authorisation.”
“We do have a joint bank account for putting our rent money in, but it’s only for rent. Though, to be honest, it didn’t really work because he kept pulling from it, so it’s just sitting empty now.”
“I ended up opening up a separate bank account for my own part of the rent.”
“Am I the a**hole here for protecting my own interests?”
The OP summed up their situation.
“I denied letting my husband have access to my credit card. I am accused of being selfish and unwilling to help him out.”
Redditors weighed in by declaring:
- NTA – Not The A**hole
- YTA – You’re The A**hole
- NAH – No A**holes Here
- ESH – Everyone Sucks Here
Redditors decided the OP was not the a**hole (NTA).
“NTA. NO, DO NOT DO IT. Credit abuse is a real thing, I lived through it. In the US, credit card companies do not have to abide by court decisions about whose debt it is either.”
“If your name is on it, you will be on the hook for it. Just finished paying off $30,000 in debt that my ex racked up in credit cards he opened in my name, without my knowledge, while we were married. Took me 8 years!” ~ AverageDecency
“Dude, lock down your credit so no one can open a credit card or take out a loan without your knowledge. It’s free to do in my state.”
“If I need to open it back with one of the bureaus, there’s an easy process where they send me a PIN number to open it and I can close it right back up.”
“You don’t have to tell your husband you did this. He’ll only find out if he tries to open a credit card or get a loan with your info.” ~ MayorCharlesCoulon
“NTA, but you have a bigger problem. Legally, you are almost certainly on the hook for his debts if he got them while you are married.”
“Please check your credit score. You get free chances to check. That will show you all your debts and credit lines. You should insist on seeing his as well.”
“Many companies now offer EAP (employee assistance programs) that often include a consultation with a financial advisor. If this matters to you (both), then make a plan.” ~ rashea11
“Before marriage debts remain with that person. Only debts after marriage can be added to the spouse whether they made the debt or not. Good idea to check with your state about that to be sure.” ~ FortuneWhereThoutBe
“Your problem is that he’s bad with money. It’s incredibly difficult to change someone’s spending habits. Absolutely do not give him access to your funds.”
“You should sit down and go over the budget with a fine tooth comb and figure out how he got in debt in the first place. Figure out your expenses and create a get out of debt plan budget.”
“If he is not willing or can’t stick to it, then you know what your future will look like. That’s how you build together.”
“Giving access to a spender is like giving drugs to an addict.” ~ pamelaonthego
“First of all, it highly depends on your location. For example in the US some states are community property states meaning that any debt that he creates after you get married is subject to becoming your debt as his spouse.”
“However, debt that he created before marriage doesn’t generally qualify to become your debt after you marry, with exceptions like he adds you to the deed of the house or adds you as a co owner on the mortgage.”
“Other states are separate property states so that even if you are legally married, whatever debt he accumulates during your marriage is only his. And yours is only yours.”
“Personally, I wouldn’t add him on as an authorized user on your card until his debt is paid off; and honestly it’s not a good idea even when his card is paid off. He could ruin your credit now, just by being married to him, if you’re in a region where his new debt can be your debt.”
“You don’t want to make it even more at risk if you add him on as an authorized user and he uses it to a point that you can’t pay it. Because he’s not obligated to pay the payment on it as an authorized user, you are as the account holder.” ~ Bluntandfiesty
“What strikes me as VERY odd is his eagerness to have access to OP’s credit coupled with the fact that he still has quite a bit of outstanding debt.”
“Just 🚩🚩🚩 N. O. P. E.”
“Based on his poor credit history alone I would refuse.”
“I would also STRONGLY recommend that OP LOCK his credit, monitor his credit reports monthly and if his issuing financial institution has a way to turn his credit on/off I would STRONGLY recommend doing so. NTA.” ~ stinstin555
“Really surprised I didn’t see someone say anything about locking credit higher.”
“OP, your fiancé is throwing financial red flags. They’re not paying off their own debt but want access to create some on your name.”
“Locking your credit so no one can run it unless you are aware and approve. This also means no one can attempt to open a card in your name without your permission.”
“In the meantime, go check out the credit building subs here on reddit for suggestions on building a zero score. Zero is much better to work with than coming back from massive debt.” ~ sparkvixen
“NTA. Depends on the local laws, and how good your lawyer is. Hopefully you never need to worry about it.”
“His reasoning is not very sound so I would not put his name on anything of yours, nor do you want to be added to his at this point in your financial lives.”
“There are people that specialize in education on personal finance. I suggest that you insist that you both take classes before you mingle debts. Each US state has different laws, many have common themes, but not all are alike.”
“Many(most? All?) do not have marital partners responsible for each others debts that were/are clearly incurred separately, legally, technically. In all reality, if you are going to stay married, you’ll want to resolve his debt eventually.”
“He should, too. He should demonstrate that intent to you by taking a personal finance class, making a budget together, and living within that budget for a few months before you put your own future at risk. Taking the same class as him will help you discuss it.”
“I have to guess that he supported you because he was your entry into the US as a spouse or fiancé visa? If so, that was what he chose to do. It is my understanding it is part of his legal responsibility as your sponsor.”
“You do not owe him for that. He’s an adult who chose it for himself. Its reasonable for you to carry gratitude to him for that, I hope it’s not part of your arguments though.”
“Depending on his income, 13k might not be that bad, or it might be insurmountable. He should put a plan in place to resolve it and then work that plan.”
“Are you sure that is his only debt? It’s a good idea for both of you to pull your credit reports. You should check his for other debts to be sure you know what you’re up against.”
“You are correct that a loan might help him improve his own credit. Only if he uses it to pay off the Amex, gets a better interest rate than it is at, and does not incure new debt. A tall order for someone with poor financial control.”
“Money is at the root of many divorces. Hopefully, you both married for the right reasons and can come together on a plan that strengthens you and helps build your future. Good luck.” ~ GrumpyGirl426
The OP provided an update.
“Thanks everyone! I really needed this vote of confidence and encouragement to stand my ground on this.”
“I feel less guilty for putting my foot down with him. Going to see if I can put a freeze on my credit report this week and see if we can get him into a personal finance course.”
It sounds like the OP has picked a path going forward. Hopefully, their husband is open to it.