For many, being asked to be a godparent is a flattering request.
Godparents are an extra set of parents to look after and love a child.
For generations, they’ve been an important part of kids’ lives.
But some people don’t care to take on the responsibility.
This can feel hurtful to parents.
Redditor Moist-Grade-6989 wanted to discuss her experience and get some feedback, so naturally, she came to the “Am I The A**hole” (AITA) subreddit.
She asked:
“AITA for refusing to be Godmother to my best friend’s child?”
The Original Poster (OP) explained:
“My best friend of 11 years is pregnant.”
“She recently told me she would like me to be her baby’s Godmother.”
“I don’t have children myself, and I’ve never been interested.”
“She does know this.”
“I am very flattered that she asked me, but I ended up telling her that I’m probably not the right person to ask, as I’m not too keen on children.”
“I do have a nephew who is 4 that I absolutely adore, but I never want to be responsible for a child.”
“I feel like I can barely look after myself sometimes.”
“She became very upset and told me she wanted me to be Godmother as she would like to be able to have a life when the baby is born, and she thought I would be up for babysitting, etc.”
“I told her absolutely not, and I would never agree to something like that.”
“I live about 4 hours away from her as well.”
“She then tried to guilt me and say that if something happened to her, the baby would have nowhere to go, as she doesn’t have family that she’d trust with her baby.”
“I told her I’m really sorry and that I could help her out occasionally, but I don’t feel comfortable being her baby’s Godmother.”
The OP was left to wonder:
“So… AITA?”
Redditors shared their thoughts on this matter and weighed in on some options to the question:
- NTA – Not The A**hole
- YTA – You’re The A**hole
- NAH – No A**holes Here
- ESH – Everyone Sucks Here
Redditors declared that OP was NOT the A**hole.
“NTA – if it’s a best friend of 11 years who should have known/had plenty of opportunities to know your perspective on children, that is 100% on her.”
“Nobody should be guilted into babysitting or taking care of a child if they don’t want to.” ~ REDDIT
“A godparent is not a person that you can guilt into babysitting because they are their godparent.”
“Usually, it is related to acting as a mentor and giving guidance and being a role model; this is usually related to faith as well.”
“It really sounds like she just wanted to use it as a way to manipulate you into babysitting.” ~ GuvnaBruce
“NTA. Under normal circumstances, I would say NAH because she isn’t an AH to ask, and you aren’t an AH to decline, but what makes her an AH is that she tried to guilt-trip and pressure you to do something you don’t want to do.” ~ Spare-Shirt24
“I see this all the time, and it’s becoming a pet peeve of mine.”
“She doesn’t want you to be a godparent; she wants you to be the legal guardian if she dies.”
“A godparent’s duties would be to instruct the child in whatever religion is wanted by the parents.”
“This is not a legal position.”
“A guardian would be in charge of them legally and would be required to see to all physical and emotional needs, just like a parent.”
“That said, seems more like what she really wanted was a free babysitter. NTA.” ~ SteampunkRobin
“NTA. Does godparent mean something other than helping the child with their faith?”
“I mean, clearly she thinks it does, but is that common?” ~ Mundane_Access9335
“In my family, it was generally thought of as the person who would take responsibility for you in the event that something happened to the parents, in addition to spiritual mentorship.”
“Like shorthand for guardians.”
“This varies because my brother and I are of different faiths now, and his wife’s family treats it as an honor for people whose faith you admire and wish your child to emulate, so the kids have more than 4 godparents.”
“If something happens to him and his wife, my brother expects me to take the kids, but I am not their godparent.” ~ wildferalfun
“NTA. People keep confusing godparents with guardians.”
“A godparent is responsible for the child’s religious training in the event of a parent’s death.”
“A guardian raises the child.” ~ FairyGothMommy
“NTA. It’s hard to tell your best friend something like this, but it would be worse to agree and then regret it.”
“Also, I’ve found that people have a wide variety of expectations when they think of a godmother’s responsibilities, and your friend seems like she would want you to do way more than you would be comfortable with.” ~ BolenaLovesBroadway
“NTA. If she wanted to have a support system for helping her with the kid but didn’t have one, she should have thought about that before she decided to have a kid.” ~ RWBYsnow
“Definitely NTA.”
“So she wanted a free babysitter and thought that making you godmother would lock you in for that job.”
“That is not how it works.”
“She decided to have a child, and yes, it does change her ability to go out, which is something she has to accept rather than force her child on others.”
“No is the only answer you need to give on this.” ~ kiwimuz
“God no.”
“I think it’s a really good idea not to.”
“I got looped into becoming a godfather, and I regret it.”
“I like having a relationship with my friend’s son – I’m not a fan of the expectations, explicit and implied, that come with the title.”
“I do my duty as godfather, but if I could go back, I would have said no.” ~ Ok_Narwhal_9200
“NTA -Good for you for being firm.”
“Your friends are delusional and trying to be manipulative.”
“I get that life is hard with a baby (I had 6 all up, so I get how she feels), but she needs to look closer to home -geographically, emotionally, and philosophically (?) – to find her child support.”
“Also, Godparents are not traditionally chosen for their babysitting abilities but for their ability to support the parents in raising their child as a Christian.”
“She isn’t taking it seriously if she is using the possibility as a bribe.” ~ whoopiedo
“NTA. I really don’t understand why so many people go into having children with the mindset of getting away from them and me time.”
“Being a parent is a pretty thankless job for the most part, and if there was ever a time to leave ego and selfishness behind, this is it.” ~ mirob3
“NTA, I had the same thing happen to me. I don’t have children and have been telling my family that since I was a child.”
“As soon as my 2 older brothers had children, my family assumed I would babysit any time they needed me.”
“I was forced by my mom to babysit. I even had to drag them along to school events when I was in high school.”
“As an adult, I was asked to take my nephew and then my husband’s nephew in the summers.”
“I refused every time.”
“I am not religious at all, but was asked to be my niece’s daughter’s godmother. Nope.”
“One of my nieces left her 5-year-old son with me and moved in with her friend.”
“I found her and took her son to her.”
“What is wrong with parents!”
“Stand your ground.” ~ Jumpy_Farmer3177
“NTA. Some people simply can’t understand that not everybody wants to be a parent.”
“It just doesn’t connect in their tiny heads somehow.”
“Your ‘friend’ seems to be one of those people.”
“Expecting babysitting help while she knows you don’t want to be a parent is WILD, and the long commute makes it even worse.” ~ PuzzleheadedAge8908
“NTA – No one should agree to babysit a child if they don’t want to.”
“And honestly, it’s kind of odd that she’d think you’d babysit if you live 4 hours away.”
“That being said, being a godparent doesn’t give you any legal authority at all in the event she passes.”
“I know people do make one person the godparent and the guardian (I did, my brother is both godfather and legal guardian should the need arise), but really, a godparent is supposed to be there to aid in the child’s spiritual journey.”
“It’s not a legal title.”
“It’s a religious ceremony.” ~ Impressive-Lie-8296
“NTA. And that friend of yours just outed the true reason for asking you to take the role, for you to be a sitter so she can have a life.”
“Absolutely outrageous.”
“If she wanted to have more of a life, then she shouldn’t be having a kid yet (or at all).”
“She wants to have her cake and to eat it too.”
“To Hell with that, and I would reevaluate if this friend is worthy of keeping with entitled behavior like that.” ~ PM_ME_LASAGNA_
“NTA. It sounds like she distorted the role of godparents to mean active (free) childcare on demand. It’s the covert contract manipulation.”
“In this case, agreeing to be a ‘godparent’ carries the obligation to help raise the child, and even take over if the parent dies.”
“Godparents agree to tend to the child’s religious education if needed, nothing more.”
“Child care and guardianship, should the child be orphaned, are very different roles and commitments.”
“Your friend seems to think ‘being a godparent’ means being either her coparent or servant.” ~ curiousity60
“NTA. That is not your responsibility.”
“Children are a blessing when you choose to have them.”
“She admitted that you would be ‘free babysitting’ so she could still go out?”
“Guess she shouldn’t have had a child.”
“I would NEVER expect someone to want my child, especially if they didn’t have children of their own.” ~ JGalKnit
“NTA. Being a ‘godparent’ has so many different definitions these days (ex. spiritual mentor, guardian, etc), and parents need to have clear, direct conversations about what they’re asking.”
“And those conversations have to include the opportunity to decline the role!” ~ PlanMagnet38
Reddit understands your feelings, OP.
You are entitled to say no to this request.
Also, a godparent is NOT an automatic babysitter.
Your friend has some serious thinking to do.
Good Luck.