Guy Mortified After His Girlfriend Outs Him As Bisexual To His Conservative Dad

Be careful with whom you share personal information.

You never know when it will come back to haunt you.

A bisexual guy's family hung out by the fire, and a conversation he wasn't prepared for suddenly changed the mood.

Redditor FirefighterOdd7228 visited the "Am I the A** Hole?" (AITAH) subReddit and stated:

"My girlfriend outed me to my family."

The Original Poster (OP) explained:

"I'm 24 M[ale], and she's 31 F[female]."

"I'm bisexual, but it's not something I talk about, especially not with family."

"Admittedly, I've never had a public boyfriend or what could be described as a 'relationship' with a man. As far as my family knows, I'm straight."

"My girlfriend and I have been together for 2 years, and I only recently introduced her to my family."

"On the last day of the visit to my parents, we were all outside around the fire. Some people, including my girlfriend were drinking wine. That's when she made a comment about me being bisexual."

"Everyone heard. I froze up at that moment and gave her a look. She laughed it off, played with my hair, and kept talking. Luckily, it came across as a joke to most of my family, but not my dad."

The OP described how the family dynamic suddenly shifted.

"His demeanor that night changed and the morning before I left, he was being distant. I just know he's thinking about what she said. It's really messing with my head."

"To give you a bit of an idea about him. He's very rigid/conservative. I started modelling some years ago and he's had a hard time with that. When I went to Europe for work and he saw some of the editorials my mom showed him, he hated the looks, and I became very selective of what I share."

"I'm back in my city now, and I live with my girlfriend."

"I'm so angry at her, but she claims it was a slip-up from being drunk."

The OP continued:

"Personally, no amount of alcohol would have me outing someone in front of their family. She only had one glass of wine. Instead of apologizing, she's focusing on how I should just distance myself from my family if they won't accept me."

He then asked:

"AITAH for hanging onto this? My girlfriend thinks I'm being immature and holding onto a 'grudge'"

"Edit to include: My girlfriend knows I'm bi. I do disclose to partners. I just don't disclose publicly. I think it's unnecessary and not anyone's business who I'm attracted to except the people I'm involved with. My girlfriend also knew I wasn't out to family, and even though she only met them recently, she knew how they are."

Anonymous strangers weighed in by declaring:

• NTA - Not The A**hole
• YTA - You're The A**hole
• ESH - Everyone Sucks Here
• NAH - No A**holes Here

Many Redditors thought the OP was not the a** hole (NTA) here.

"There are two things you said that give me pause:"

"She's not sorry."

"She said you should distance yourself from your family if 'they can't accept you.' "

"It's not up to her to make that choice for you, and it seems like (admittedly very well done) manipulation. She's trying to isolate you from your family while making it seem like you made that choice despite her having outed you and making things tense."

"I can't say for sure she's manipulating you, but having grown up with that crap, it's making alarm bells blare in my mind."

"NTAH, but keep your eyes and ears open to what she says, how she says it, and what she does regarding all your other relationships. Anyone close to you being pushed away needs to realized by you before you end up all alone with just her as your support network." – notheretoargu3

"Telling your father in a manner selected by you is important. She took this from you and really doesn't give a crap that it happened." – AlwaysHelpful22

"What she did was already egregious in itself, but her reaction is even more unforgivable! She knew damn well what she did could tear your family apart, ruin your mental health, not to mention rob you of your consent and agency in coming out on your own. And she doesn't care! It shows you what a selfish, reckless, amoral piece of work she really is."

"Your relationship can't recover from this. On top of your (I hope) incompatibility with an awful human being, you will never be able to trust her again." – Sebscreen

"Abusive people do what they can to isolate their partner from their families so they FEEL like they have more control over their partner. News flash: it doesn't end there. She'll isolate you from everyone who can communicate to you how toxic her behavior and who could support you during a breakup."

"The bottom line is, you can't trust the person you're sharing your bed with. If she'd do this to you in front of your family, knowing how conservative they are, she'll do it at odd random times like your work Christmas party."

"And alcohol had nothing to do with this. This is your partner, showing you who she is. She's the type of woman who will steal you agency from you in the most embarrassing, destructive way, in front of people you love, and then just laugh it off and encourage you to go no contact with the very loved ones where blindsided by her in the first place. Always remember she did something truly reprehensible that hurt you and then doubled down, refusing to take responsibility or apologize."

"Imagine dealing with this for the rest of your life about everything. She just imploded your relationship and now is gaslighting you about it. NTA, but now is the time to save yourself from a lifetime of toxicity with her." – CartoonistFirst5298

"NTA. She did that on purpose. I think your dad is mad that he heard that from someone other than YOU. You should take her advice and also distance yourself from HER. Question: does she have an issue with you being bi? Has she given you any sense she does? " – Maverick_j2k

"NTA, please dump her. Also, as someone who is 33, it's absolutely weird for someone age 29 to start dating someone who is 22. That, combined with her lack of apology and insistence on distancing from your family, makes this extremely uncomfortable." – OopsSecondSaji

"Being drunk is one thing. Being FLIPPING 31 is another. And adult that age should be way more responsible. Not only did she have a terrible, thoughtless slip, she refused to take accountability and pushed the blame on someone else."

"I don't know anything else about her, but this alone doesn't make her look good at all in my eyes."

"NTA." – DoubleH_5823

"NTA. This is a tough one, just in terms of if you can move past this or not. I guess you basically need to figure out what you would need to see from her in order to actually move past this, if you decide to stay together."

"She certainly doesn't seem very remorseful, though. Maybe she would need to stop drinking because I'd be worried she'd continue to keep spilling secrets, whether you're around her at the time or not. Trust is really hard to get back, and you're absolutely NTA, that's for sure." – jgasbarro

"As a queer person: you never out someone else. It's their own story to tell when they want, who they want, and why they want. It may not be the case for you, but you can put someone's safety in jeopardy by outing them." – Ok_Produce_9308

"NTA."

"I'd suggest you're GF to not drink if she loses her bearing that easily. Outing personal information, especially by a significant other, ain't it?"

"She then hasn't apologized and is trying to make your family the primary target. She knows she messed up and wants to be loose and joking about it cause she doesn't see it a problem." – Revered-Sesshomaru

"As a bisexual male, most women do not understand that coming out as a bisexual male, and coming out as a bisexual woman, are very different things."

"Society is more accepting of women challenging gender norms or identities as there is a massive wave of feminism and woman's rights changing the world for the better currently."

"Men can often face more feedback from relatives when exploring sexuality or gender identities, especially from conservative families."

"This issue isn't about how she outed you. It's that she does not understand the heaviness behind what she did. Not necessarily the 'consequences' but how it can change your family's perception of you."

"Explain this to her, don't make her feel bad about it. It sounds like she was just talking passionately about her partner, and let something private slip. Emphasize how much this affects your relationship with your family and father. She may not have had an issue coming out, hence why she doesn't seem a problem." – TipNo750

Overall, Redditors supported the OP's resentment for his girlfriend's indiscretion, especially after not showing signs of regret for something that clearly bothered the OP.

With the damange already done, however, hopefully the OP will have a meaningful discussion with his dad in attempt to resolve the lingering tension.