Not all relationships are created equal. Just because we like someone and enjoy dating them doesn’t mean they feel the same way in return.
Sometimes it takes an outside perspective to really get that, cringed the users of the “Am I the A**hole?” (AITAH) subReddit.
Redditor elviramilevaa had been dating her boyfriend for about six months and enjoyed most aspects of her relationship, but she was becoming increasingly frustrated with his jokes about how much money she had.
When he made yet another joke about her financial situation in front of his friends, the Original Poster (OP) clapped back with his own financial shortcomings.
She asked the sub:
“AITAH for embarrassing my boyfriend in front of his friends because he kept joking about me being ‘broke’?”
The OP’s boyfriend had a terrible habit of making fun of her financial situation.
“I (19 Female) have been dating my boyfriend (20 Male) for about six months. Overall, things are good, but there’s this one thing he does that drives me insane.”
“He makes these little ‘jokes’ around his friends about me not having money.”
“I mean, I work part-time and go to school, so yeah, I’m not rich, but it’s not like I’m asking him to pay my bills or anything. I pay for my stuff, and I split everything 50/50 when we go out.”
During their latest hangout, the OP gave her boyfriend a taste of his own medicine.
“Anyway, we were hanging with his friends the other night, and he said, ‘Haha, careful, she’s broke! She might ask you to cover her Uber or something.'”
“Everyone laughed except me. I literally just stared at him.”
“He saw I was annoyed and doubled down like, ‘Babe, I’m just kidding, calm down.'”
“So I said, ‘It’s funny how I’m broke, but I still managed to buy your birthday gift AND pay for dinner when your card declined last week.'”
“It got real quiet after that.”
Because of her boyfriend’s reaction, the OP wondered if she had taken her joke too far.
“Now he’s p**sed at me, saying I ‘humiliated’ him in front of his friends and that I should’ve talked to him privately.”
“But I’ve told him before that those jokes bother me, and he never stops, so I don’t know.”
“Was I wrong to put him on blast like that? I’m wondering if I went too far or not.”
“AITAH?”
Fellow Redditors weighed in:
- NTA: Not the A**hole
- YTA: You’re the A**hole
- ESH: Everybody Sucks Here
- NAH: No A**holes Here
Some brought out the old saying, “Don’t dish it out if you can’t take it.”
“He shouldn’t dish it out if he can’t take it.”
“EVERY TIME when my sister and I were little kids and one of us pushed the other too far, resulting in tears, without fail, Dad would say, ‘Well, kid, don’t dish it out if you can’t take it!'” – ohyoureTHATjocelyn
“Tell him you were ‘joking’ and he has no sense of humor. NTA.”
“Then dump him. Dude put you down in front of his friends to score weird man points, then lost those weird man points when you clapped back.” – taorthoaita
“So he can humiliate you but can’t handle you defending yourself? He’s a loser.”
“Love him all you want, but clearly, he does not love you. And based on his disgusting behavior, he IS a loser.” – VanityQueen90
“HAHAHAHAHA. It’s always funny until you dish it back, I swear.”
“If you’d never told him this bothered you, then you’d be the AH. But seeing as you’ve made it clear before, he gets what he gets. Bet he won’t do that again.”
“The number of men who are lucky I held back the acid on my tongue is astounding. I think guys get this idea we’re ‘supposed’ to be gentle and soft and basically maybe not capable of a clap back like that. But a lot of us are choosing peace daily, and they should think about that. NTA.” – mrn327
“I hope you realize soon that you deserve better. I ignored red flags in relationships for longer and can’t recommend.”
“He definitely doesn’t like you, and others were right about not dating your bully.”
“He humiliates you in front of everyone the whole time knowing it hurts you. You fire back once, and he plays the victim. Someone who’d actually care for you wouldn’t treat you like that.” – Joubachi
“I used to date a douche like that when I was your age. It lasted two years. He also never could handle it if I hit back.”
“It cost me many, many years to recover my self-esteem from his continuous ‘jokes.’ I still sometimes have nightmares about him 18 years later (the jokes were only 1 part of how he broke me down).”
“Be smarter than me. Leave, before he does permanent damage.”
“And you know, I also like to joke around; my husband and I also make jokes at each other’s expense, but the minute one of us says, ‘Babe, that’s not cool, can you please not do that,’ it stops.”
“That’s what respect is. A person you care about tells you you did something that hurt them, you listen to them, apologize, and don’t do it again. End of story.” – For_Vox_Sake
“Why do you feel bad for dishing it back to him? Because he can dish out public humiliation and make you feel small, but when you tell the truth, he’s a victim, and you’re a d**k? Girl, he ain’t worth being with and committing any more time to.”
“Trust me when I say that the majority of people like him can not change until they partner they mistreat leaves them. If he still gets all the joys of being in a relationship with you, why would he?”
“You’re young and have a lot of dating ahead of you, so just use this as a lesson in the importance of knowing your value and walking away when before more adult consequences make it harder.” – mcdulph
“Seriously, you are way too young to settle for anyone who is so juvenile and disrespectful.”
“He was having fun making you feel like s**t. He doesn’t like you. He likes having a punching bag that he can f**k.”
“You deserve so much better, and I’m proud that you punched back. He deserved the embarrassment and much more.”
“He deserves to be dumped.”
“Being with this boy is getting in the way of your meeting a man who wouldn’t dream of behaving like this.” – sezit
Others encouraged the OP to rethink the relationship, especially what he might be saying behind her back.
“If it was humiliating for him, it was humiliating for you. Don’t date your bully. NTA.” – Goidellica
“You shouldn’t be dating a guy that does not care about your feelings, and worse yet, takes pleasure in publicly humiliating you. For f**k’s sake, raise your standards.” – Abject_Jump9617
“Girl, you can do SO MUCH BETTER. You are doing school and getting that bag. What is he even doing for you? Making you split 50/50. That d**k better be something premium because guuuurl.” – SixicusTheSixth
“NTA. Have you ever heard those stories about women in their 30s having to date a number of a**holes before they finally stop going for that type?”
“I think it’s because sometimes the red flags aren’t flaggy enough, but here’s one presenting itself to you nice and easy: he dished it out and couldn’t take it back… and he’s a sexist who is demeaning you in front of his friends.”
“Maybe avoid the mistakes of countless women before you and rescue your 20s from a bunch of these… pitfalls.” – Cyclical_Zeitgeist
“NTA, OP.”
“If your significant other needs to put you down to make a joke, they’re a bully.”
“If your significant other humilates you, as a joke in front of their friends, they’re a bully.”
“If your significant other references finances in a way that suggests you owe them, they’re a bully.”
“This is not normal. You can do waaaaay better than a man-child.” – llampie
“50/50. He behaves like this, and he doesn’t even pay to date you.”
“A man who doesn’t treat you to dates and pay while dating you doesn’t like you.”
“I’m not saying a man has to be your sole provider! That’s what your work and education are for, so you can take care of yourself.”
“But you’re a 19-year-old girl. You can get 100 dates a week all paid for. What the f**k?”
“He can’t even afford to date AND he’s calling the girl paying half broke?”
“Girl. Please. You’re still a kid, this guy won’t even be too 500 derpiest dudes you encounter. Just don’t even give him a second thought.” – Famous_Sugar_1193
After receiving feedback, the OP expressed relief for having her feelings validated.
“Thank you, everyone, for your advice. This appears to be my canon event.”
“I feel bad now for what I said, but I’ve told him so many times that I really don’t like these jokes. I’m definitely gonna have to have a serious conversation with him.”
“I enjoy being in a relationship with him for the most part. But I felt humiliated every time he made a joke about me being ‘broke.’ I guess I thought it must be coming from a place of insecurity.”
“He shouldn’t be putting me down, but he kept playing it off as banter, so I allowed it. I do deserve kindness and respect, though. I’m just blinded by the other good aspects of the relationship, I guess.”
“I’m starting to feel like he cares more about these weird man points than me. I’m also really worried that he’s been saying even worse things behind my back.”
“After reading all of these comments, rethinking the relationship is a top priority for me.”
Joking around with someone you care about can be good-natured and fun, but it matters for the joke to be funny and comfortable for everyone involved, not just the person delivering the joke.
The OP’s boyfriend had been actively putting her down, in public, by pointing out that she didn’t have a lot of money, even though she had been paying her own way and not asking for anything.
If the boyfriend couldn’t respect her boundaries and stop making the jokes, or at least laugh when she made a joke at him in return, it was clear that he was more interested in making her feel inferior than having fun with her.