At one point does a recurring bit become a complete nuisance?
That was the determination one Redditor had to make recently, and she posted about it on the “Am I the A**hole (AITA)” subReddit.
The Original Poster (OP), known as poisondaisy on the site, led with a blunt title.
“AITA for getting mad at my boyfriend for pretening not to know what an everything bagel is”
OP first shared the origins of the joke.
“The title is pretty self explanatory, but here’s the story.”
“My boyfriend [24-year-old male] and I [23-year-old female] have been together for 5 years. Our entire relationship, he has this inside ‘joke’ with his family where they pretend to not know what an everything bagel is.”
“When we go to breakfast spots, he always gets a bagel sandwich and asks the poor cashier what kind of bagels they have.”
OP shared the finer details of the bit.
“He pretends to be confused, saying he wants a bagel with everything on it, but not an everything bagel.”
“He wants the cheese, the meat, etc., and there’s usually this whole back and forth about what an everything bagel consists of.”
“I usually stay quiet while he winds the worker up.”
“What irritates me the most about this whole thing is that he never actually gets an everything bagel, just a plain one.”
“A few times the cashier has gotten so frustrated that they just go to the back and pulled out an everything bagel to show him what it is, and he pretends he’s never even seen one before!”
And a recent trip to the bagel shop began like so many others.
“Today we went into my favorite coffee shop in my hometown, as we’re in town staying at a hotel for a friend’s wedding.”
“He started up again with the everything bagel thing.”
But OP was at the end of her rope.
“I interrupted him, and said that if he didn’t know what an everything bagel is, then he probably wouldn’t like it and he should just get plain.”
“He gave me a look and started to say that he’d like to hear more about this ‘new kind of bagel,’ but I told the cashier that we’d just get our sandwiches on plain bagels and go.”
“I blew up on him when we got to the car, telling him that this joke has gone too far and that’s he’s wasting everyone’s time.”
“I told him I felt humiliated when he makes me just stand there while he gets off on frustrating an underpaid service worker.”
That was apparently tough for him to hear.
“He’s been giving me the silent treatment since then, and I just got so frustrated that I left him at the hotel and am now staying in my parents guest room.”
Anonymous strangers weighed in by declaring:
- NTA – Not The A**hole
- YTA – You’re The A**hole
- ESH – Everyone Sucks Here
- NAH – No A**holes Here
Most Redditors sided with OP, dubbing her boyfriend and his joke the clear issue here.
“NTA If you are the only person laughing and everyone else is pissed, it’s not a funny joke. I can see why it might feel like a funny bit but the net effect is just being a dick to random cashiers.” — Enby-Adams
“NTA. This is a funny bit to have if his sister asks him what he wants from the bagel shop, between the two of them.”
“Making random employees deal with an inside joke is just mean. He is definitely being an AH to the shop employees. — Peony735616
“NTA. Service workers don’t get paid enough to deal with this crap. He’s intentionally being obnoxious and annoying these people ON PURPOSE for his own personal amusement.”
“The fact that he finds this lame excuse for a joke funny after he’s done it so many times in the past is beyond me. You would think it would get old after awhile.” — ThaanksIHateIt
A few made a point to highlight the implications of it all.
“NTA. Zero service industry people find this amusing. It’s actually mildly abusive. This person is being paid to do their job, not amuse randos.” — Civil-Pause-386
“The measure of a man (and woman) is revealed, not by how he treats his superiors or his peers, but in how he treats those with less power than him. Your boyfriend thinks it’s fun to make service peoples’ days worse.”
“Think about what that says about him as a person. It is nothing good, I assure you, and chances are, the moment he thinks you are worth less than him, he wil treat you the same way.” — KeyFly3
“NTA. This isn’t a joke, it’s just being a jerk. Cashiers are there to entertain customers, they’re there to take their orders and money.”
“Messing with them because they can’t shut you down is petty AF. But I don’t know why you didn’t call him on it before now, though, because it doesn’t sound new.”
“BTW, keep an eye on this kind of thing–you can often tell a lot about the type of person someone is by how they treat people in the service industry” — Past-Ad3676
One Redditor was even willing to get down in the weeds on the topic.
“NTA. I am enraged. HOW DARE. This little man JOKE of my precious bagels in this way? HOW DARE he INSULT THE HOLINESS OF A PERFECTLY TOASTED AND TOPPED BAGEL CONTAINING ASSORTED SESAME SEEDS, POPPY SEEDS, DRIED ONION, DRIED GARLIC AND SALT?”
“This is blasphemy against all bagels and I am DISGUSTED AND ASHAMED of humanity for allowing EVERYTHING BAGELS TO FALL TO THIS LEVEL.”
“Break up with him. Everything bagels will treat you better than this bagel defiling scum.” — MostThingsBagel
Apparently, OP’s boyfriend was an even bigger fan of the joke than she’d ever imagined. An update to the original post made that clear.
“Update: he broke up with me this morning, dropped off the stuff I left at the hotel at my parents and wouldn’t look me in the eye. I will be telling people that we broke up because I didn’t think his joke about everything bagels was funny.”
“My dad thinks this is hilarious and that he’ll come running back asking to get back together within the week, so at least someone is laughing.”
One question still remains: will OP take him back if he does come running?