It’s literally impossible to make everybody in your family get along with your significant other. There will always be a little bit of tension, no matter what, just because they are a new person in your life and your family is possessive and protective of you. However, not all tension is justified just because it’s inevitable.
For example, Redditor justathrowaway2098’s sister absolutely hates her fiancé. And it’s gotten past the point of civility. In response, our original poster, or OP, said she didn’t want her sister to come to the wedding. This was not received well.
Needing objective feedback from strangers, she went to the popular subReddit “Am I The A**hole?” or “AITA” to find some:
“AITA for not wanting my sister at my wedding?”
Our OP explained the tension between her sister and fiancé.
“My (24f[emale]) sister (17f) and my fiancé (26m[ale]) do not get along-and to no fault of my fiancé either. My family has tried doing sit downs, I’ve tried having a one on one with her to see if he’s done something to personally offend her, but nope.”
“She just says she personally doesn’t like him. Unfortunately she’s very vocal about it-constantly mentioning how annoying he is and how much she dislikes being around him.”
“It came to head this Christmas season when me and my fiancé mentioned wanting to spend Christmas Eve and all of Christmas Day with my family because his family (who we usually spend Christmas Eve/morning with) would be out of town.”
“My sister threw a complete fit which ended in her saying that if he was there Christmas morning, she would not be opening gifts with him present and how she’d be miserable.”
“She even yelled at him about how ‘he’s not even family so why is he even invited?'”
After this probably hurt her fiancé’s feelings, she talked to her mother about the wedding.
“Me and my sister usually have a decent relationship, of course we bicker and fight like most siblings do on occasion, but for the most part we’re pretty friendly with each other, so of course her attitude towards my fiancé is very strange to me.”
“But at the end of the day she hasn’t given me a valid reason for disliking him so strongly and honestly I’m tired of it and it’s starting to get annoying.”
“My mom and I were chatting on the phone and the subject of Christmas and my sister’s dislike for my fiancé came up and i mentioned that since she hates him so much that I wouldn’t want her at my wedding.”
“My mom thought I was taking it too far. But I see it as I wouldn’t want someone who hates me at our wedding, so why would i put my fiancé through having someone who hates him at our wedding?
“My mom and dad think I’m overreacting, but I don’t think I am.”
Anonymous strangers weighed in by declaring:
- NTA – Not The A**hole
- YTA – You’re The A**hole
- ESH – Everyone Sucks Here
- NAH – No A**holes Here
People thought OP’s sister was being a brat and that OP had every right to set that boundary.
“There needs to be something behind it, and even if it is just a general annoyance or dislike then she is taking it way too far with her behavior. People can put on a fake smile around those they don’t like.”
“The wedding would just be the first part. Do you really see having her in your life at all if she is constantly belittling and talking down to your partner because of how much she hates him?”
“That needs to be the conversation you have with her:”
“’I need to know the real reason why you treat him the way you do because if you are going to continue to act this way around him just because you ‘don’t like him’ I can’t really see you and I having a relationship going forward and I don’t want to lose you as a part of my life.’ NTA.”-TogarSucks
“NTA. I think you need to have a conversation with her about what she expects. She is old enough that she needs to learn that putting up with people you dislike is part of being an adult.”
“She doesn’t have to like your fiancé but she has to be polite if she wants to be a part of family events. If she has a good reason to dislike him she should speak up before your wedding, or shut up about it forever.”
“Only a spoiled child expects everyone else to make their plans around her preferences.”-sparkledotcom
“NTA. My sister has been exactly the same way. She would consistently pick fights with my boyfriends, but most recently she’s turned to hating my moms boyfriend.”
“The reason? She’s jealous. She’s jealous that my mom is getting attention from someone else and isn’t at her beck and call anymore.”
“She was jealous that her older sister (me) was spending more time out of the house and not with her. She’s jealous that it isn’t all about her anymore.”
“My sister has been given whatever she wants her entire life because my mom didn’t want to deal with my sisters outbursts if she said no.”
“She was trained to think that she can act however she wants and people will still give her whatever she wants. It sounds like your sister is the same.”
“She’s jealous and acting out because she knows that she can get away with it (Example A: your parents saying you’re overreacting for not tolerating her behaviour).”
“If you let her come to your wedding, it would only keep enabling her to stay in this mindset of ‘I can act however/say whatever I want and no repercussions will come to me.'”
“STAND. YOUR. GROUND. Speaking from experience, if she keeps getting everything she WANTS, you won’t ever get what you NEED from her.”-katelynmakenna
“NTA. But I would tell your sister yourself. ‘Listen, I know you don’t like X, but I’m marrying him. He’s going to be at every birthday, every holiday, etc.'”
“‘When we have kids together, they’ll be even more events. I don’t care if you don’t like him, but if you can’t be polite our relationship will be destroyed by this. You won’t be there for our wedding.'”
“‘You won’t be there to see our children. You won’t be there for my birthday or our anniversaries. So, you need to decide if you dislike him more than you care about me, then tell me, so I can prepare myself mentally to have a very low contact relationship with you.'”
“Tell her not to give you your answer yet, and to think about it. If she says she can’t, then let her know she isn’t welcome at the wedding.”-crystallz2000
Thought most people thought OP’s sister was probably jealous, they didn’t think that a reasonable excuse.
“She’s old enough to be held accountable for her behavior, and she’s not acting mature enough to be invited.”
“My guess is she feels like she’s losing you or is jealous is some weird way – that her reaction to him is about her relationship with you.”
“Before it slides down into NC, you might consider family therapy for you and her to get it out. NTA”-ParsimoniousSalad
“Given what she’s said she’s either mad that he is stealing you from the family, mad that she doesn’t have someone like that or is mad he doesn’t like her.”
“I don’t buy the comments accusing your fiancé of assaulting her and that being the reason. She is still a teenager and this is a big change in her life.”
“She’s losing the relationship you had when it was just the two of you. Now she has to share.”
“Nta. I would sit her down and explain that you would like her at your wedding because you love her but her behavior has been unacceptable.”
“If it continues she won’t be invited. Your fiance is family and she can either accept it or not. She doesn’t get to choose who/when you get married.”-Murderbunny13
“NTA. If she throws such a sh*t show tantrum over the idea of spending Christmas with him, I guarantee she would make your wedding a nightmare. You are making the right decision.”
“But you need to sit her down and force the real reason out. Her simply not liking his sounds like such BS, and if that’s the real reason she needs to grow a pair and grow up.”-Judg3_Dr3dd
“NTA. A wedding day is supposed to be nice, relaxing and comfortable, so why should your fiancé be uncomfortable at his own wedding?”
“Because going by your sisters previous behaviours and outbursts, I don’t think your wedding will be any different, which could ultimately further damage your relationship with her, so perhaps not having her there could salvage your current relationship with her.”-ggfanatic98
“NTA. She doesn’t have to love the guy, but she sounds like she’s OTT hating on him. I’d have a private honest conversation with her, see if she can advise you of the root of this hate.”
“If it’s not something justified or something that can be cleared up, I agree not having her at the wedding is the best move.”
“Once you get married; husband > siblings, bit also discuss with your fiance. Maybe he thinks she’s just an immature teenager and doesn’t care as long as she doesn’t make a scene.”-AirEquivalent5932
And though it could be some teenage nonsense, it could have consequences for years to come.
“NTA. Your parents need to set your sister straight and she probably needs a kick in the pants.”
“She doesn’t appear to have any legitimate reason for disliking him and he’s likely tried to find a way to become amicable to no avail.”
“Not his job to spend the rest of his life trying to appease a miserable little wench teenager. Stand by your man, have your wedding and don’t have her there. I wouldn’t.”-Fabulous-Mortgage672
“NTA she’s at an age where I think it’s jealously. Tbh I was the farthest thing from a girl who wanted to marry at 17 but when my older half sister did I still felt the sting.”
“We weren’t close and I was way too young but a part of me was jealous. I never acted like this and was nothing but supportive and helpful but it could be a reason.”
“I agree with the comments, have a sit down and tell her she either has to have a reason or you don’t see a relationship. She may not feel comfortable unless you’re both alone.”-mysticalmac99
“No you are not NTA. But your sister is. You don’t need to like everybody, but you do need to treat people with respect.”
“Your parents need to step up big time, because they are not disciplining her on this misbehavior or teaching her appropriate behavior.”
“Screaming you don’t like someone is not blunt. I would suggest a serious talk with your parents. They need to step up because this will drive a wedge in the family.”
“Because you will not spend years and years screamed at in harmony. And a serious talk with your sister how this will influence the future. Including that you are thinking about not having her at your wedding.”-haasje83
OP will likely have to talk to her sister about her wedding before choosing not to invite her to it, but with a teenager in the house, things can always be a little volatile.
Hopefully all goes off without a hitch, and OP’s sister and fiancé are able to find common ground.