Wedding details aren’t always easy.
There is so much to do and never enough time to do it.
And some major details can be the root cause of some serious family friction.
Who gets a major role in the ceremony and who doesn’t can ruffle a ton of feathers.
Redditor miss_usiverse to discuss their experience and get some feedback, so naturally they came to the “Am I The A**hole” (AITA) subreddit.
They asked:
“AITAH for refusing to let my mom’s boyfriend walk me down the aisle?”
The Original Poster (OP) explained:
“I (24 F[emale]) am getting married next summer, and ever since I started planning the wedding, my mom (48 F) has been pushing for her b[oy]f[riend] (50 M[ale]) to walk me down the aisle.”
“My dad passed away when I was 10, and my mom started dating her boyfriend about six years ago.”
“While he’s always been nice to me, I’ve never seen him as a father figure, he came into my life when I was already an adult, and we’re friendly but not particularly close.”
“I told my mom that I plan to walk myself down the aisle as a way to honor my independence and my dad’s memory.”
“She got really upset, saying her boyfriend had ‘earned’ the spot by being there for me all these years.”
“She even accused me of disrespecting her relationship and trying to ‘erase’ my dad, which couldn’t be further from the truth.”
“Now her boyfriend is avoiding me, and my mom keeps calling me selfish and saying I’m ruining the wedding before it even starts.”
“A few family members are also weighing in, saying I should let him do it to keep the peace.”
“But this is my wedding, and I feel like I should have the final say.”
The OP was left to wonder:
“AITAH?”
Redditors shared their thoughts on this matter and weighed some options to the question AITA:
- NTA – Not The A**hole
- YTA – You’re The A**hole
- NAH – No A**holes Here
- ESH – Everyone Sucks Here
Many Redditors declared OP was NOT the A**hole.
“NTA. This is your wedding and, hopefully, your only one!”
“It should be perfect according to your and your partner’s needs and desires.”
“Not an area for point of contentions.”
“Your mother is being manipulative and insulting.”
“> trying to ‘erase’ my dad…”
“You’ve already mentioned you’re doing this to honor your father’s memory.”
“She’s using your closeness to your father to control you.”
“> saying her boyfriend has ‘earned’ the spot by being there for me all these years…”
“You don’t get to earn a spot in a wedding.”
“You simply get one given to you from the marrying couple.”
“Nor should they feel disrespected for you wishing to honor your father and independence.”
“> ‘My mom keeps calling me selfish and saying I’m ruining the wedding before it even starts…'”
“She’s now resorting to being insulting.” ~ DetectiveQueasy1711
“I am so sick of hearing that someone should cave to bullies to ‘keep the peace.'”
“No the bullies can hush up and that will be very peaceful.”
“NTA. Your reasons for walking yourself down the aisle are perfectly valid, and Mom needs to sit down and hush.”
“She said her piece, you said no.”
“It’s done.” ~ Tax_Goddess
“NTA. I can’t believe how family members would agree!”
“Also, why isn’t the boyfriend shutting it down?” ~ vegasbywayofLA
“It’s YOUR wedding (also your soon-to-be spouse) you 2 are the only ones who get to determine whether it’s ruined or not.”
“You ruined the wedding for HER but it’s not her wedding so it doesn’t matter.”
“Also nobody ever ‘owes’ someone a relationship of any kind.”
“No matter how nice they’ve been or things they have supposedly done.”
“Case in point if a guy does all sorts of nice things for you then asks you out he can’t say ‘I get to be your boyfriend because I did all these nice things for you, you owe me.'”
“I would not engage with her, trying to make her see your side is probably pointless, she would just twist everything you said.”
“If she brings it up you can say ‘You know my feelings on this matter I’m not discussing it further.'”
“If she threatens to not come (a common tactic) you can respond with ‘Well I’ll miss having you there but if you don’t want to come I can’t force you. I respect your decision.'”
“You drive home that she is the one choosing not to come.” ~ Razzlesndazzles
“Your mother is ruining YOUR WEDDING before it even begins!”
“SHE’S pushing for HER boyfriend to walk you down the aisle.”
“Who is he to you?”
“Your MOTHER’S boyfriend, and nothing more.”
“She’s making herself a victim by playing the villain.”
“DO NOT FALL FOR IT!”
“The ‘family’ siding with her needs to hush up or not show up.”
“NTA, obviously.” ~ HoneyBadger79
“NTA. If anyone is trying to ‘erase’ your dad, it’s her.”
“You said you’re 24, and this guy came into the picture about 6 years ago, which would have made you 18 at the time.”
“You were an adult.”
“He is literally nothing to you unless you say otherwise.”
“He didn’t raise you, he’s just your mother’s boyfriend.”
“Not even her husband.”
“Frankly, he should be happy to get an invite as anything other than your mother’s +1.” ~ Edymnion
“I agree. Your mom is the one trying to diminish your father’s role in your life by pushing her boyfriend into that position.”
“He didn’t raise you, and you’re well within your right to honor your dad’s memory by walking down the aisle alone.”
‘If anything, he should be grateful for the invite and not feel entitled to a special role.”
“It’s your wedding, your choice OP. NTA.” ~ xStarryBabe
“NTA. Your wedding, your rules.”
“Mom’s BF came into your life when you were 18 years old.”
“And while mom’s guy may have (?) done some stand-up things for you, he didn’t raise you.”
“You have a father.”
“He passed away, he didn’t neglect or abuse you.”
“Honoring him in your own way on YOUR day should be respected.”
“Nothing selfish about this on your part, Mom and Mom BF need to realize your wedding isn’t about them. 😡 NTA.” ~ Ok-Horror-1049
“NTA at all!”
“My dad also passed away before my wedding so my mom and brother walked me down the aisle to honor him.”
“Your mom’s boyfriend has never been a substitute father to you and he’s not even your stepdad!”
“I wonder if part of the reason your mom is pushing this so hard and her boyfriend is now uncomfortable is because she wishes that they were getting married or had already gotten married.”
“Somehow the symbolism of him stepping into a father role in your wedding will make him want to make it official?” ~ Pintsize90
“You don’t just get the final say, you get the beginning and middle say and every other variation.”
“You pick who you want in your ceremony.”
“Maybe mom should be thinking about having her own wedding instead of getting so demanding about yours. NTA.” ~ SuperPookypower
“NTA. Why is it always that people that are pushed too far that they should keep the peace?”
“Your family members should tell your mum to keep the peace, respect your decision, and shut up about it.”
“That would keep the peace!” ~ EndiWinsi
“I got married last month (my second wedding) and I and hubby walked down the aisle together.”
“My dad was in the room and my 14-year-old son was in the room and would have both done it if asked.”
“We had a nano wedding, so it didn’t feel right to have someone walk me down the aisle.” ~ dragonetta123
“NTA. Most importantly, your choice.”
“It doesn’t matter whether the person wanting to walk you down the aisle is blood kin or not, whether the person raised you from infancy or not.”
“It is still your choice.”
“It is reasonable for them to be put out, they may have had expectations, but it is not reasonable to accuse you of ruining your wedding.”
“If you weren’t so clear that you have a plan to walk down the aisle yourself, I might have suggested you ask your mom to be the one to walk you down.”
“Just because it is traditionally the father of the bride doesn’t mean it has a guy.” ~ Ok-Status-9627
“NTA. Your mom’s boyfriend hasn’t earned s**t since, as you said, you were an adult when they got together.”
“I’m not a fan of doing anything to keep the peace if it’s everyone else’s peace anyway.”
“Walk yourself down the aisle.”
“Just because he’s sticking it in your mom doesn’t make him your dad or a father figure.” ~ jaxnfunf
‘NTA. Stand your ground.”
“I was allowed to be pushed around by my husband’s family members, thinking they would be angry If I said no.”
“I was pushed into a situation that sounds silly that I said yes to now.”
“I regret it still.”
“Don’t do it, you will regret it.”
“You may regret the wounded relationship with your mom too.”
“There are no guarantees.”
“Think about this: let’s say that you say yes, they get their way, and you hate yourself for it.”
“Next year, the boyfriend leaves your mom.”
“You are pissed you squandered your happiness on this guy.”
“You complain to your mom.”
“She will just shrug her shoulders and say ‘It was your choice, you did what you wanted.'”
“Can you live with that?” ~ Battlepuppy
“NTA. Why would you let someone you’ve known for 6 years walk you down the aisle?”
“He has indeed not earned anything since you were already an adult.”
“You were already grown up.”
“That’s her BF, not her husband also which makes the request super inappropriate.”
“It’s about her and what he or she wants.”
“It’s about you and your fiancé.” ~ OliveMammoth6696
“NTA- the next time mom (or anyone else for that matter) mentions it simply say, ‘We have already discussed this. The answer is No but since you have a problem with that then I will simply not invite you to the wedding.'”
“Then either hang up the phone or walk away and don’t look back.” ~ Life-Wealth-3399
“NTA. As someone whose mother is married to a man who isn’t my father, I can tell you that your feelings are completely valid and you should do as you please since it’s your wedding.”
“People marry with the intention of staying with their partner for life, so a wedding is no small thing!”
“Plus, a person cannot ‘earn’ their spot in something so important as a wedding.”
“This drama won’t last forever, make sure to chase after your perfect wedding.” ~ Fit_Character_6508
“NTA. He isn’t your dad, and you don’t have that sort of relationship with him.”
“And that’s ok.”
“But your mom trying to force it on you isn’t.”
“I agree that it’s more of a memory to your dad to not let anyone else walk you.”
“He isn’t there, so he’s walking with you in spirit.”
“And I think that means more than using a placeholder person or forcing you to walk with someone you don’t have that sort of connection to.” ~ Sheer-kei
“NTA. I have so many thoughts on this, but first, it’s your wedding, not hers, not his, you don’t need to keep the peace.”
“Second, I think you should actually speak to the boyfriend, and ask him if he actually wants to do this or if this is just mom pushing, maybe you can find an ally.”
“Best of luck.” ~ Vegetable-Cod-2340
“Sorry for your loss.”
“I understand you I lost my mother around the same age and although I like and appreciate my relationship with my dad’s wife, I’ll never view her as a mother figure.”
“Your mom is trying to erase your dad by putting the bf in what would have been his place, NTA.” ~ care134
“Is there some kind of bond between you and her bf that you left out?”
“I don’t see how he could’ve ‘earned’ a father’s role when the parenting time was over by the time he came around.”
“He’s not even your stepfather, but expects to be honored as someone who you ‘belonged to’ enough that he could theoretically give you away?”
“This is all about their feelings.”
“Weddings and funerals tend to bring out the worst in people. NTA.” ~ D_Nicole91
“Keep peace?”
“Lol 😂😂😂 anytime someone tells you to keep peace, ALWAYS ASK THEM WHOSE PEACE 😂.”
“NTA.” ~ xtine254
It’s simple OP… your wedding, your rules!
Your Mom isn’t being fair to you.
But Reddit is with you.
Stand your ground.