When drafting a wedding list, all brides and grooms must force themselves to make cuts.
In some cases, this is easy enough, as distant cousins whom they’ve never met, as well as former bosses and or/colleagues, don’t exactly have priority.
Other times, however, brides and grooms find themselves having to make the difficult decision to exclude some friends or family members who they would very much like to be there, owing to space and/or budgetary restrictions.
Redditor 21wedding and her fiancé made a decision regarding their invite list, which they felt easily solved the problem of who made the cut… and who didn’t.
Unfortunately, a friend of the OP’s was among those who did not make the cut and was less than pleased to hear the original poster (OP)’s explanation as to why she didn’t secure an invite.
Wondering if she had made a mistake in excluding her friend, the OP took to the subReddit “Am I The A**hole” (AITA), where she asked fellow Redditors:
“AITA for wanting a childfree wedding?”
The OP explained how she felt inviting her friend to her wedding was simply being consistent with the “child-free” policy she and her fiancé implemented.
“I (22 F[emale]) am getting married soon.”
“Since my fiancé and I are childfree and because we plan to have alcohol at our wedding, we decided to have a childfree wedding with the age cutoff at 21.”
“This requirement so far has gone over well with most of our invitees.”
“Most of our invitees don’t even have kids anyway, so it doesn’t make a difference for them.”
“I do have one friend ‘Mel’ (20 F) that I had to exclude from the wedding.”
‘After realizing that pretty much everyone else from the same social circle had been invited except her, she confronted me and demanded to know why she wasn’t invited.”
“I tried to explain that it wasn’t personal and that I just didn’t want to have to worry about underage drinking going on under my nose on my wedding day.”
“But Mel kept accusing me of being a bad friend.”
“She argued that since we had drank together before, it shouldn’t be such a big deal, but I told her that it was different since we were both underage at the time.”
“I was 20, and she was 18-19ish when we started drinking together.”
“Now, as an adult, I feel like I have a responsibility to prevent underage drinking, and as the bride, I feel like I have the right to have a childfree wedding.”
“Mel is unconvinced and keeps talking bad about me behind my back to our mutual friends and making snarky comments about me feeling superior.”
“I don’t see why she can’t just relax and let me have my wedding day the way I like.”
“So Reddit, AITA?”
Fellow Redditors weighed in on where they believed the OP fell in this particular situation by declaring:
- NTA – Not The A**hole
- YTA – You’re The A**hole
- NAH – No A**holes Here
- ESH – Everyone Sucks Here
The OP found little to no sympathy from the Reddit community, who agreed that she was indeed the a**hole for excluding Mel from her wedding.
Everyone agreed that at 20, Mel was not even a child and wasn’t consistent with her policy.
Many found it extremely condescending, while others felt that the OP was being hypocritical, as she and Mel had both already shared drinks together despite being underage.
“YTA.”
“You’re 22, and you made the cutoff 21?”
“That is not ‘childfree.’”
“Your wedding is Mel-free.”-TresWhat
“YTA.”
“Oh, come on!”
“You’re barely older than her.”
“If you don’t want to invite her, that’s your decision but going around calling her a child and being a snob about underage drinking makes you an a**hole.”- Isomorphic_reasoning
“YTA.”
“Child free weddings are fine, but:”
“A 20-year-old isn’t a child.”
“Mel seems to be correct.”
“That’s a pretty sh*tty thing to do to one of your ‘friends.'”
“That’s a pretty high horse you seem to have propped yourself up on, especially since you both used to drink together whilst underage.”- Yowz3rs87
“I can’t decide if you’re an AH for the wedding itself because you’re certainly within your rights to have only people of legal drinking age at your wedding, but YTA for referring to this as a ‘childfree’ wedding.”
“Your 20-year-old friend is not a child.”
“Also, the whole ‘now that I’m a whole 22 years old, I feel a responsibility to stop 20-year-olds from drinking’ thing is coming off very condescending.”
“If you were having a child-free wedding, Mel would be invited.”
“You’re not doing that, and as a result, you’re excluding exactly one person from your friend group because you apparently don’t even trust her enough to say, ‘Please don’t drink at my wedding because I don’t want to deal with any liabilities around underage drinking.'”- peepingtomatoes
“YTA, and I don’t think you’re old enough to be getting married if the drinking age is more important than your friends.”- UsernameTaken93456
“YTA.”
“You can have a childfree wedding, but 20 is not a child, and the bartenders at your wedding will be carding all of your young guests, so the underage drinking thing is bs also.”
“You can do WHATEVER you want with your wedding, but YTA for being a liar in this situation.”-Away_Refuse8493
“YTA.”
“You can do whatever you want at your wedding.”
“That doesn’t mean you won’t lose some friends in the process.”
“I would certain not want to continue a friendship with someone who called me a ‘child’ at age 20 and refused to invite me to their wedding rather than just say, ‘please don’t drink.'”
“Especially when said friend is only 2 years older than me.” – Huge_Researcher7679
“I mean, you can choose who goes to your wedding.”
“But I know that if I were in her shoes, I would stop being friends with you.”- unpackinstan123
“YTA.”
“You’re 22 and calling 20-year-olds ‘children.'”
“You’re barely 20 yourself.”- SmolWaterBalloon
“Having a child-free wedding and having no guests under 21 are different things, as 18-21-year-olds are adults.”
“You’re technically in the right because your wedding your rules, but definitely YTA.”
“I would never exclude one friend from my close friend group because they’re slightly younger.”
“You feel like you ‘have a responsibility to prevent underage drinking?'”
“Get a grip you sound so condescending to your friend.”- seeker7628
“YTA.”
“It’s the bartenders responsibility to ensure nobody underage is drinking.”
“A child-free wedding is 18+. 20 years old is an adult.”- cassiexrose1
“What’s next, are you gonna ban her from going to Applebees with you and the squad because she isn’t old enough to drink?”
“YTA, and this posturing as a mature adult isn’t going to make you an actual mature adult.”-DaLLaser420
“YTA.”
“Making note of wanting it to be child-free and then saying you aren’t inviting a 20-year-old friend you’ve drank with is an AH move in itself, honestly.”
“Usually alcohol at weddings is served by certified bartenders, yeah?”
“So it’s their job to check ID, not for you to not invite someone who is underage.”
“Also, you being two years older doesn’t make you a ‘responsible adult’ in comparison, if she’s still a child, so are you.”- where2beginagain
“YTA.”
“I literally thought this would be about your friend wanting to bring her child or something!”-Syn88estra
“YTA.”
“Let me educate you on something: A 20-year-old is not a child.”
“Technically, anyone over the age of 18 (18 or older) is a legal ADULT.”
“Maybe you should’ve worded it differently; ‘anyone that is under the legal drinking age is not allowed to come’ if that’s what you’re getting at.”
“But I’m pretty sure by now that anyone who is 18-20 years old knows by now that they shouldn’t drink.”- xxCrimson013xx
“YTA.”
“Childfree weddings are perfectly fine.”
“It’s still your wedding, so your rules, but you’re an ah for this.”
“20 isn’t a child, and this 20-year-old is an actual friend.”
“I can’t blame your friend for being pissed.”- jrm1102
“YTA.”
“That’s pretty hypocritical.”
“Your wedding, your rules is completely fine.”
“But I feel discluding this friend is splitting hairs.”- stu_chew
“YTA.”
“I would have said the same as your friend.”
“You are a hypocrite if you drank with her when you were both under 21, but now trying to come off a morally superior being trying to save a 20-year-old from the perils of drinking.”
“Calling her a ‘child’ is condescending.’
“You are barely older than her.”
“Yeah, it’s not cool.”
“Wouldn’t be surprised if some of the others drop out because of this.”
“You could have invited her and just asked her not to drink if you are worried about liability.”-tlf555
It would be one thing if the OP was concerned about unruly behavior… or if she simply didn’t have room.
However, with neither of those things appearing to be an issue, it’s fairly easy to understand why Mel is hurt and upset by being the only one excluded from their group of friends.
If the OP wants to remain friends with Mel after she says “I do,” one only hopes she considers squeezing her in, should there be space available.