We can all agree that two people being so much in love that they want to get married is worthy of celebration, and having a nice wedding that matches the couple's personality can be a lovely occasion.
But the wedding industry being what it is, many couples forget the importance of celebrating their love with all of the people they love, rather than trying to create a scene that would fit into an aesthetic magazine, pointed out the members of the "Am I Overreacting?" (AIO) subReddit.
Redditor SalamanderThink737 had been close to her friend for a long time and was excited to be a bridesmaid in her wedding.
But when the wedding plans started to roll out and the price tag continued to increase, the Original Poster (OP) wasn't sure she could continue to commit to the wedding party, or maybe even the friendship.
She asked the sub:
"Am I overreacting by not being able to justify buying the brand-new, real leather cowgirl boots the bride wants me to buy for the ceremony?"
The OP watched in confusion and worry as her friend changed right in front of her eyes.
"I’m a bridesmaid in my friend’s upcoming wedding. Everything I'm about to say is very out of character for the bride."
"We have been friends for a very long time, and I have never witnessed her caring about the quality or price of clothing."
"She is marrying into a very, very wealthy family. Maybe that’s why? Her fiancé isn’t very materialistic, though."
But her friend's latest demand left the OP wondering if she could afford to be in the wedding party.
"Just recently, she texted all of us to say we need to buy a pair of cowgirl boots. It’s not really my style, but it’s her wedding, so who am I to complain?"
"I figured I would just buy secondhand. She told us to send pictures of the boots we were interested in so she could approve them before we buy. I sent her a picture of a pair I found on Facebook Marketplace. The boots were in great condition, only worn once."
"She read my message but didn’t answer."
"An hour later, she texted in the group chat saying we needed to buy 'new, real leather, quality boots' as her wedding was not going to be trashy. She gave several brand recommendations, all of which are extremely high-end."
"I texted her again separately to ask if she really meant brand new. Yep, she did. I asked where she recommended I look to find a reasonably priced pair, since I will probably never wear them ever again, and I also am not made of money."
When the bride accused her of being a bad friend, the OP wondered if it was time to step back.
"She told me I was being dramatic, trying to make her wedding look cheap and trashy, and being a bad friend."
She texted again in the group chat with three options we HAVE to choose from. They range from $250 to $380. I have already spent $400+ on my bridesmaid dress and jewelry."
"I told her I couldn’t justify spending that much money on a pair of shoes I was only going to wear once."
"She told me not to bother being in the wedding if I wasn’t going to support her vision."
"Am I really overreacting? Should I just buy the shoes and cut back on grocery spending or something?"
The OP felt increasingly confused.
"I honestly don't know where this is coming from. She owns horses but only ever wears boots when doing farm work or riding. Boots are not a part of her everyday style."
"The venue is somewhat rustic, but it’s not a farm or ranch. It’s all inside a building designed to look like a barn (that’s the best way I can describe it). The groomsmen will also not be wearing boots."
"I have talked to the other bridesmaids. There are nine of them, not including me. (It’s going to be a large wedding.)"
"Only one other girl is on the same page as me. The others are already purchasing their boots."
"The wedding is in one month. This is something she just now thought of. We originally were wearing nude heels. I already own several pair and she was totally fine with me wearing one of them back then."
"AIO?"
Fellow Redditors weighed in:
- NOR: Not Overreacting
- YOR: You're Overreacting
Some encouraged the OP to drop out of the wedding and potentially the friendship, too.
"Girl, quit the wedding. This bride sounds insufferable, and it’s insane to ask bridesmaids to buy this." - kittenasacat
"She already told you that her aesthetic is more important than your friendship. Why would you want to stay friends with someone that doesn’t want to be your friend?" - jadeariel12
"NOR. I've been in two weddings plus my own. The first, my mum made my dress, and the bride paid for all the updos and nails (I was a junior bridesmaid)."
"Second, the bride paid for the dress, shoes, hair, and makeup. She offered to spot me dinner at the hens, because she knew we were tight."
"I didn't have bridesmaids at all because my wedding budget was tiny, and it would never occur to me to ask them to buy their own dress, unless it was a wear what you want/already have deal."
"This wedding? Just. Wow." - Spellscribe
"NOR, f**k that chick! I don't even agree with people forcing people to buy bridesmaids' dresses. It's not like a tuxedo that you can wear to every formal event for the next 20 years of your life if you don't lose/gain weight."
"Tell her to find a new bridesmaid, take the $300 you would have to spend on some quality boots, and treat yourself to a spa day, boo." - Deer_Jerky86
"OP may want to actually reconsider if she wants to continue this friendship. Someone going off on you and saying those things over a pair of boots does not sound like a friend to me. Least not the kind that I would want."
"I'd drop out." - ShadesofShame
"I would absolutely drop out and try to get a refund on your dress. How in the world is anyone going to know if your boots were new or worn once? Will they all be required to show a receipt and show the soles to prove no prior use? Any bride who doesn't encourage her attendants to wear their new (to them) footwear a bit before the wedding to "break them in" is ridiculous."
"NOR. May that bride be cursed with ingrown toenails and smudged pedicures the rest of her life." - Sufficient_Public366
"I'd text her, 'In light of this expense, I won't be able to serve as a bridesmaid. I totally respect that you have a look at what you're going for and I want you to have it! I just can't make this work in my budget. I can't wait to attend as a guest and support you as you begin your marriage!'"
"But, maybe reconsider whether someone who treats people like this is someone who values your friendship, because it sure seems like she cares more about some wedding bullshit than her friends." - First-Energy2671
"This isn't the last ask. The bride is way too comfortable spending others' money. Next, while be the jewelry, the hair, and the makeup, all high-end. Then the destination Bachelorette four-day weekend, with mandatory outfits required. A shower (or two or ten) will need to be thrown, with specified non-trashy (expensive) decor, catered by her favorite, naturally. Gifts will be demanded, nothing cheap, must be from her registry."
"Time to run away from this before you're $5,000 plus in debt for this 'friend.'" - calminthedark
Others pointed out that this exceeded the OP's budget and likely wouldn't look good anyway!
"NOR. Being a bride and having a vision isn't access to someone else's wallet. Tell her you're happy to attend as a guest. If that's not good enough, you know where you stand with her."
"Also, cowboy boots and wedding dresses look podunk AF, even expensive ones. So she needs to calm down." - ChunkyPinkGlitter
"Finances aside, forcing 10 women you supposedly care about to walk around all day in brand new, non-broken-in cowboy boots? She's either exceptionally cruel and gets off on making others suffer, or she's a bird-brained nincompoop."
"NOR." - TalksAboutFlagstaff
"I don't know what the deal is with cowboy boots for the bridesmaids (or bride), I had to do that before (luckily they only cost $40 and were boots I was able to wear after), and I felt so wonky."
"She paired it with a fancy cocktail dress that did not look good. I had suggested we get lace dresses that would've looked better, but she immediately shut that idea down, so I shut my mouth and dealt with it." - Spiritual_Ice5079
"I'm a bride this year and basically said 'sage green-ish, and whatever dress you want' to my bridesmaids and would never dare do more than that. Your friend is being a diva and way too materialistic to even take seriously. She should be embarrassed, but I'd assume there's no one in her life who is honest with her. If she were to throw you out over boots, then she's not your friend."
"P.S. also to 'my wedding is not going to be trashy,' but she wants you all in cowboy boots. Please tell her she's the one making her wedding trashy and losing friends over it like an id**t." - Jeerkat
"If she complains that they look worn the day of? 'I wore them out on the town to break them in. Was I not supposed to?' while batting your eyelashes. (It will double as a polite 'F**k you and the horse you rode on. May it throw you down in the mud the first chance it gets.')"
"Trust me, OP, you’ll be ready to be done with the friendship by the time the ink on that starter marriage certificate dries anyway." - princessjemmy
"If OP cannot return the bridesmaid dress and attends as a guest only, I would wear the bridesmaid dress. When people comment, tell them you were a member of the bridal party, but because you could not afford to spend hundreds of dollars on new high-end boots that you would never wear again, the bride kicked you out of the bridal party."
"Don’t tell anyone in advance. Just show up wearing the bridesmaid dress and let everyone know who she is." - Successful_Voice8542
The subReddit understood wanting a particular look for a wedding, but the aesthetic and price tag of the wedding shouldn't get in the way of the love that the bride and groom share with each other and the people they've invited.
When people agree to be in a wedding party, they agree to be there to support and celebrate the bride and groom, not to have to take out a personal loan to do it.
