Having a crush on someone is a double edged sword.
There is never an easy way to approach the person of desire.
It’s a coin toss as to whether or not they’ll reciprocate.
But there are definitely ways one doesn’t admit a crush.
Case in point…
Redditor Zaqwsxmjy wanted to discuss his experience and get some feedback. So naturally, he came to visit the “Am I The A**hole” (AITA) subReddit.
He asked:
“AITA for telling a classmate/coworker that I had a dream about her?”
The Original Poster (OP) explained:
“I’ve had a crush on this girl ‘Lydia’ since the beginning of the semester.”
“We are in a work study and have 4 classes together which is obviously how I noticed her.”
“I thought we’d be like natural friends and study partners but she was very stand off ish at first.”
“Finally at work study I asked her if she would like to share some notes for two tests that we have coming up.”
“She said yeah that would be a huge help to her.”
“We agreed to meet up at the library.”
“We got along great there but it was actually really hot in there and we were both hungry so we decided to walk across Central to the Frontier.”
“The walk was nice and I felt like we were really clicking.”
“We got food and started studying again and the topic changed to more of our personal lives and we actually have a lot in common.”
“I made a casual remark that a few days earlier I’d had a dream about us dating and getting married and having a casual argument of how messy her car was (in the dream, almost like a dumb romcom scene).”
“The look on her face changed instantly and she changed the subject and like 2 minutes later she said she had to leave and asked if she could take Pics of my notes.”
“I asked her if I said something wrong.”
“I don’t remember exactly what she said but It was like ‘If you have to ask, then you probably said something wrong.'”
“She left without even finishing her burrito.”
“She’s avoided me in class and she changed her work study schedule so we don’t see each other (at least this week) I don’t feel like I did anything that wrong but I still feel like an a**hole.”
“She obviously thinks so.”
“AITA?”
Redditors shared their thoughts on this matter and weighed some options to the question AITA:
- NTA – Not The A**hole
- YTA – You’re The A**hole
- NAH – No A**holes Here
- ESH – Everyone Sucks Here
Many Redditors declared OP WAS the A**hole.
“I’ve realized a lot of men on here are creeps without even realizing it and it’s scary.”
“How would you feel if some stranger (because that’s what you are to her) told you they had a dream where they were married to you and other stuff?”
“That’s creepy no one would want to hear that.”
“Maybe just start off trying to be friends with women.”
“Not her of course I think she will report you next time you try to do something.”
“AND DO NOT LEAVE A NOTE IN HER CAR!!”
“That will definitely have her file a report against you.”
“How do you even know which car is hers?”
“You sound like the beginnings of a stalker.” ~ Significant-Bad657
“My original response was a very gentle YTA but the more I think about it the less gentle it becomes.”
“You don’t like this girl.”
“You are infatuated with her.”
“There is a difference.”
“When you are infatuated with someone you assign to them all your ideal traits.”
“It’s not about who they really are, it’s about the role you want them to play in your laugh.”
“Infatuation comes from attraction but it’s not a healthy way to process it.”
“Because you are infatuated, her treating you like any other classmate comes off as standoffish.”
“She wasn’t shy or playing it cool.”
“She’s treating you like everyone else.”
“Because you are infatuated, you felt comfortable telling a someone during your first real conversation with them that you dream about them.”
“Because you are infatuated.”
“Your instinct when being told to keep your distance is to seek out her car, an extension of her personal space, and leave a note.”
“It’s time to take a step back.” ~ EmpressJainaSolo
“Zero to turning her skin into a lamp.”
“Genuinely concerned you will stalk this girl based on the post and your comments. YTA.” ~ Strawberry_fields5
“YTA. There’s not been a time I heard about someone dream and thought ‘I’m glad I heard this story.'”
“I’m not sure how hinting to the girl you have a crush on that you dreamed about being married was going to be received.”
“Of course that would make her uncomfortable.” ~ thewhiterosequeen
“YTA. This is a red flag for anyone who’s lived the female experience.”
“A few things that go through my mind having been in her position…”
“You don’t really know each other any deeper than superficially and you immediately turned a classmate/friend relationship into a romantic one.”
“I’d assume your intentions aren’t to be my friend, but to date me.”
“The dream suggests to me that you’re almost obsessive over her, where she may have just seen you as any other classmate.”
“You don’t know her preferences, whether she’s in a relationship or if she even wants one, whether she’s interested in men.”
“You would come across as someone only concerned with appearances and that you could hold an idolised view of her in mind without actually spending time getting to know the real her.”
“It’s a red flag to me because it suggests you only want to hang around with the intention of dating and quite frankly, that gets exhausting when you can never make a platonic friend without it turning sexual.”
I”‘d be concerned for my own personal safety as you’ve demonstrated you could potentially be an obsessive person.”
“The thought of you escalating to stalker would absolutely come up in my mind.”
“Women don’t have the luxury of giving men the benefit of the doubt in this area, the risks are we end up dead if we misjudge your intentions.”
“I understand you had light-hearted, jokey intentions with sharing a funny dream, but if I were in her shoes, these would be my immediate thoughts in this situation.”
“To be clear, I’m not accusing you of anything more than sharing something you shouldn’t have.”
“Just providing insight into what might have gone through her mind.”
“Either way, you saved her time becoming your friend only to confess your true feelings later and tanking the friendship.”
“Next time hold off on the marriage/dating talk until you actually know the person.”
“Dating isn’t just finding someone who fits your image of partner and then squishing them into that mold.”
“Find someone who’s personality is also compatible with yours.” ~ enteryourdetailshere
“My guy… reading this was like watching a car crash in slow motion.”
“That’s a wild thing to say to anyone you’re not dating.”
“Seems that she was creeped out big time.”
“To make it worse you didn’t even apologize.”
“You don’t think that’s wild?”
“I’d give this a YTA but I think it leans more on awkward as hell.” ~ Visible_Wasabi4247
“Made a casual remark about you two getting married!”
“YTA, there’s nothing casual in that, it’s not better than describing a sex dream (which I expected after reading the title).” ~ sperans-ns
“YTA. That’s a bit much, my guy.”
“Maybe save sharing your dreams of marrying her for when you’re more than acquaintances.” ~ lihzee
“Classic schmosby! YTA… although it wasn’t intentional.”
“You cant talk about having dreams about marrying people the first time you interact with them.” ~ zombiesatemybaby
“Even if you are casual acquaintances, it might be weird.”
“A coworker once was telling a bunch of us about a weirdo dream she had that another coworker was briefly in.”
“After that coworker had left the room, she said to me “I left out the part where he and I apparently got married. I thought it would be weird to tell him that.'”
“Yes. Yes it would be.”
“And they had known each other for years at that point.” ~ CosmicGreen_Giraffe3
“YTA. You went from zero to married in an hour.”
“You should have just enjoyed the time together, getting to know each other.”
“You could have slowly developed a trusting friendship that could possibly have gradually moved into something romantic – over weeks and months!”
“You probably both frightened her and creeped her out.” ~ Spike-2021
“YTA. That accelerated way too quickly and creepily from study buddies to marriage dreams.”
“You barely know this person, and she was standoffish at first, so you thought you’d step on the gas to talk like this?” ~ TemptingPenguin369
“YTA. I’d bet money on the fact that you’ve been creeping her out for a while.”
“She probably agreed to study with you thinking it would just be a casual study session but you way overdid it with the marriage dream thing and distressed her so much she felt she had to get away from you.”
“That’s a huge red flags and please DO NOT leave a note on her car. that’s so creepy.”
“Leave her alone.” ~ badhuckleberry
“YTA. That was extremely creepy.”
“You only just started actually talking to her, you guys are strangers.”
“That was not an appropriate ‘ice breaker.'”
“And you should under no circumstance leave a note on her car.”
“Move on and leave her alone.” ~ ObviouslyObsessed18
Well OP, Reddit has some issues with your romantic approach.
You may want to think a situation like this through next time.
Maybe rehearse some of what you’ll say.
Maybe see a therapist.
Hopefully you learned from this experience.