These past few months have been tough for all of us. We all had to adjust to a new routine, especially kids.
So, it makes sense parents want to maintain some sense of normalcy when it comes to home schooling.
That’s not always easy and sometimes parents can have different opinions on how to maintain a routine.
38-year-old Redditor bedstorythrowaway1 just encountered this very issue with his wife and daughter. So he turned to the “Am I The A**hole” (AITA) subReddit for moral judgment.
“AITA for letting my 5yo do her school Zoom call in bed?”
The Original Poster (OP) explained.
“My daughter’s (5) school is currently closed for the obvious reasons. Every day her teacher does a 10 minute Zoom call with the class.”
“Normally my wife (36) handles setting up and logging on etc, but today it was my turn.”
“My daughter asks if she can do it from bed and I tell her she can.”
“It’s not like she’s being lazy or in her pajamas still. She’s been up and dressed, just wants to do the call in bed.”
“Later my wife finds out and goes absolutely ballistic. Apparently it was disrespectful and embarrassing and she has sent an email to the teacher to apologize.”
“She says I wouldn’t do my work calls from bed.”
“That is true enough but I’m not 5. To our daughter bed is like her den, a cosy, safe space.”
“Maybe I am too easy going about such things, it wouldn’t bother me if her classmates on the call were in bed, but I get that some people might want to be strict and it sets a bad example. But maybe those people are just too uptight?”
“I genuinely don’t know. I think my wife overreacted, but I also worry she may have a point.
“So I have come to ask the opinion of the internet.”
“Am I the A**hole? I will accept my judgement.”
Redditors gave their opinions on the situation by declaring:
- NTA – Not The A**hole
- YTA – You’re The A**hole
- NAH – No A**holes Here
- ESH – Everyone Sucks Here
Some Redditors argued OP was the a**hole.
“Soft YTA. Here’s why:”
“So, Mom is normally doing this, which is great. It’s fantastic because kids desperately need structure, and they need routine. Mom is creating this routine by always having the kids setting up in a certain area. When your kids are at school, they have a routine. Since school is now from home, there is no reason that routine should stop. Mom is trying to keep this routine going. Here’s the kicker: your daughter knows this.”
“Uh oh! Now it’s not mom. Now it’s Dad. Have you ever heard the anecdote that kids are smarter than people give them credit for? It’s true. Here’s why:”
“Your daughter picks up on you being relaxed. She knows already that she’s got a greater chance of attending class in bed with you than with mom. Is her bed a cozy safe space? Of course it is.”
“Does she ever ask her mom this? If the answer is “no”, then that’s because Mom’s already established the routine, so Mom has either told her “no” before, or your daughter knows instinctually that mom wouldn’t allow it. But this time, Dad’s in charge of set-up so the question gets asked again.”
“Of course your wife went ballistic- you’re undoing the work that she’s been trying to do.”
“When it comes to parenting, you guys are a team. You need to make sure you’re on the same page with how to go about things, and you need to make sure discussions take place beforehand.”
“When you set a precedent of consistently undermining your wife when it comes to parenting, your daughter’s going to pick up on that too.” ~ HEONTHETOILET
Many argued OP was not the a**hole.
“NTA. as a high school student who does zoom calls in bed it doesn’t matter. Your wife is overreacting and making a chicken out of a feather.” ~ limeslime007
“As a teacher, I’ve had kids in that age group attending classes from their bedroom/bed and as long as they’re paying attention and not being disruptive I don’t mind.”
“NTA, she’s overreacting. This is a 5yo kid, relax.” ~ whateverkitteh1988
“NTA – I’m treasurer for a committee and make zoom calls and meetings from my bed every time, there’s nowhere else in the house I can have a private confidential meeting in peace, and my room is too small for a desk, so bed it is.”
“OP your kid is 5, she’s lost so much to this pandemic, and sure some people made valid points below about structure and routine etc, but it was only one day and kids gotta have some fun sometimes. Sometimes a break from routine can be a good thing, break up the monotony.” ~ ngatiara
Others shared their own experiences.
“NAH. I think your wife is both correct and over-reacted. You two should not let your daughter go to school from bed. But as a one-time slip up, I don’t think it’s worth emailing the teacher or getting upset with you. It’s like, I also don’t think parents should send their kids to school in their pjs.”
“But, at about that age, my cousin put on his coat and and shoes and got in the car in his pjs. His mom didn’t notice till they got to school. So he went to school in his pjs. Now, he’s a normal, well-adjusted adult and it’s just a silly family story.” ~ JuneTotenberg
“In addition to undermining the school routine, it’s also terrible sleep hygiene. If the daughter starts associating her bed with a work place it’s going to make it harder for her to fall asleep and get as good of quality sleep.” ~ terraformthesoul
OP later updated his post.
“Thanks for all your comments. While I’m pleased the overall trend is NTA the lesson I’m going to take away from this is that ESH (except the child).”
“My wife and I need to talk.”
“I need to make sure I understand the routines she’s trying to implement, but I also need to broach the delicate subject of why she cares SO much about something SO trivial.”
“Wish me luck!”
Let’s remember parents should be a team. Hopefully this couple can get back on the same page.