Why do people feel the need to give unwarranted opinions?
Yes it’s our right and we all have a lot to say, but there is a time and place. No?
If you don’t think your thoughts threw it can be problematic.
Case in point…
Redditor neededtosay- wanted to discuss his story for some feedback. So naturally he came to visit the “Am I The A**hole” (AITA) subReddit.
He asked:
“AITA for telling off a lady at the beach who asked my son to cover up?”
The Original Poster (OP) explained:
“I’m (37 M[ale]) a little on the fence if I’m an a**hole for what happened.”
“My son (17) and I hit the beach yesterday for the first time in years.”
“A few years ago my son was in a car accident, thank God he survived.”
“However he was left with some serious burns all over his shoulder and torso.”
“He’s had skin graft surgeries on more affected areas, it’s been a long process for him and all of us.”
“His scars are still pretty visible so that’s something he’s been very self conscious about.”
“It took him lots of time in therapy until he was able to even look at himself in the mirror.”
“It hurt a lot to see him so depressed, being so self conscious about his body.”
“My son is much more comfortable now.”
“He can look at himself, takes his shirt off to go swimming in our pool.”
“Only thing he hasn’t done is be shirtless in public which he wanted to do so we decided to have a beach day just us, me and him.”
“I’m guessing you can tell where this is going.”
“There were some kids staring and pointing when we got close to them but my son ignored while we kept playing ball in the water.”
“Later on this lady comes to ask, and she’s saying it in a fake sweet voice, if my son would mind putting his shirt back on.”
“It’s not that ‘she’ has a problem with it but her family and all their kids are here and it’s too visible to ignore.”
“Some of the kids are a little freaked out by it, she said.”
“My son to my surprise tells the lady they can look somewhere else instead of at his scars if it’s such a big deal.”
“She got irritated real fast now.”
“She’s looking at me expecting me to do something.”
“But I pretty much said the same thing.”
“If the kids are so freaked out about it, maybe now is a good time to show them not every body is the same and it’s nothing to be scared of.”
“This lady would not let it go.”
“To avoid my son hearing more than he needed to we walked off away from the water then gave this lady a piece of my mind.”
“I told her it’s people like her that made it so hard for him to be comfortable in his own body so why doesn’t she shut the f**k up and get out of my face.”
“If it bothers her so much than she can get the hell out with her family.”
“She told me I’m such a disrespectful sh**head because she came here asking politely and instead I reacted with nothing but hostility. “
“They did end up leaving.”
“My son didn’t want to be in the water anymore after that but luckily after a while he wasn’t so bummed out anymore.”
“Thing is I’ve never had an interaction with someone like that before.”
“Let alone cussed at a total stranger.”
“Yes I know how kids can be so maybe for her’s they found it scary.”
“But also this whole thing made me go into protective papa bear mode knowing what my son has gone though.”
“So I’d like to know if I was an a**hole for how I treated her.”
“So AITA”
Redditors shared their thoughts on this matter and weighed some options to the question AITA?:
- NTA – Not The A**hole
- YTA – You’re The A**hole
- NAH – No A**holes Here
- ESH – Everyone Sucks Here
Redditors declared our OP was NOT the A**hole.
It’s a tricky situation.
Let’s hear some thoughts…
“NTA. Here’s the thing, OP. “
“She was saying it in a polite tone, that doesn’t mean it’s polite.”
“There’s a difference.”
“The polite thing to do would have been to tell the kids what you said, that everyone is different, and there’s nothing to be scared or ashamed of.”
“Your son is a f**king warrior, having gone through what he has.”
“I wish you both all the best.” ~ LetThemEatHay
“Def NTA wow.”
“I would have told her to maybe teach her kids about burn scars and how sometimes people get into bad accidents and sometimes their appearance changes because of it and it’s okay.”
“I def don’t blame ops reaction and I probably would have reacted the same.”
“What a big step for his son and he should be so proud of himself!” ~ peanutbutterscousin
I was at the pool with my kids last year and I remember there was a girl maybe tween-aged who had vitiligo all over her body. My then 8 year old didn’t notice it at all (she was fair and so it wouldn’t have stood out as much as someone with dark skin and vitiligo).
“But my kid had met this really chatty girl (also 8) that day and I noticed when her eyes caught notice of the girl’s legs which had discolored patches of skin.”
“I wondered if she would say something.”
“And this sweet girl, she looked up at the tween and said: ‘I like the pattern of your legs! How do you get them to look like that?'”
“This girl had such a pure heart (she really took my son who has autism and difficulty making friends under her wing at the pool that day).”
“It says so much about the values her mom instilled in her, unlike the lady at the beach.”
“OP, NTA for going mama bear on that lady.” ~ Bituulzman
“OP should have cussed her in a polite tone.”
“Sweet tender voice.”
“‘Im sorry you’re such an evil c**t that you’d bully a child who has obviously been through something tramatic.'”
“‘If you were actually being polite, you would have made your obscenely rude request out of my son’s hearing.'”
“‘Since you decided to try to embarrass my son, maybe we should walk by your children while tell you all about a nasty bitch you are.'”
“‘Leave my son the f**k alone, Ma’am.'” ~ JessiFay
“Agreed, NTA.”
“OP, I’m a former self harmer and have tons of scars.”
“Years ago, the most painful thing someone could have said to me was to cover up.”
“Being told something on your body (that’s a done deal and you can’t control) is distressing to others is such a low and offensive thing to say to someone.”
“People can’t help how their bodies look or their scars and imperfections, just like your son.”
“Telling someone to cover their body because it bothers YOU sends the message that there’s something repulsive about it.”
“Hey lady, look away!”
“Or better yet, zip your lips and don’t comment because you have no idea what someone has been through.”
“You were absolutely a warrior for calling her out, and your son is absolutely a warrior for all he’s been through. “
“I hope he gets the self confidence to accept his scars and wear them with pride. NTA.” ~ LowImagination3028
“NTA. She was out of order to ask in the first place!”
“But even if it was a polite request (spoiler alert – it wasn’t), then a polite answer ‘no’ should have been accepted.”
“Her reaction shows it was, in fact, a veiled rude demand.”
“And she doubled down.”
“And it was only after being firmly assertive you cussed at her.”
“At that point, she deserved it.”
“More to the point, your son deserved your backing.”
“You weren’t TA. You were AWESOME!!” ~ PeggyHW
“NTA, at all, and that woman should be ashamed of herself.”
“But you should be REALLY PROUD of your son, who handled this beautifully.”
“As a disabled person with a lot of friends whose disabilities and/or scars are more immediately visible than mine, it can be beyond exhausting to constantly be asked intrusive questions or expected to ‘mind our bodies’ for the discomfort of others.”
“Not to mention incredibly dehumanising.”
“An acquaintance of mine literally had a book published last year about his experiences as a child with one leg.”
“And what it was like constantly being othered and reduced to his physical differences instead of being treated like the absolutely normal child that he was.”
“Your son’s body is exactly that: a human body, belonging to a human person with feelings.”
“That woman needed to understand that it is not for her to decide how other people are allowed to exist in this world, or in her presence.”
“Not people with scars, or limb differences, or anything else she might prefer not to gaze upon.”
“Not anyone. As long as no one is breaking any public decency laws, she doesn’t get a say.”
“If she doesn’t like what she’s seeing, she is free to leave.”
“I could say so much more, because this makes me rageful.”
“But I’ll leave it at this: you did everything right.”
“That woman was abhorrent, and teaching her children monstrous lessons about how to treat other human beings.”
“And the ‘sweetest’ voice and most polite words in the world are irrelevant when you are using them to dehumanise someone.”
“You are NTA, and she was awful.” ~ FoolMe1nceShameOnU